Wrapping up the weekend.

I had a wet weekend like most of us in Bangalore did. I got wet on Saturday and thus Sunday I felt like staying at home and keeping myself warm. Well, thats precisely what I did. I went out on Saturday with Ratheesh and a friend for a movie – Indiana Jones? Pfft, why doesn’t Harrison ford die? I mean, I’m sure about him being one of the best actors of HIS time, but just like Richard Gere, he should take his charm and just go, you know? Somehow, for a person of his age, its really difficult to digest the fact that he’d want to continue doing Indiana Jones. As sucky as James Bond 007. The movie; I was able to bear up only because of the fact that it included a treasure and I love treasures and treasure hunting. Also, just like the movie National Treasure, this movie also had a REAL treasure. Like a city of gold that they’d find in the end afterall. I hate those movies where you’d get to know that it was all a hoax or some goverment conspiracy to trap and kill you. Bugs me when they don’t find the treasure. Anyway, I spent 200 Rs on Harrison Ford, blargh!

We went to M.G road after that and it wasn’t a fulfilling experience because it rained and the guys were sissies. They weren’t ready to get wet. The other guy with us cribbed about how he had wet his undies in the rickshaw and spent time in a trial room at Bangalore Central trying to dry it under a fan there. I thought that was lame, but it worked for him nevertheless and it made him less cranky. We bought some T-shirts and oogled at the not-so-good chicks who had come there. I wonder why we oogled, heh. Ratheesh has only a few more months left to oogle like this and thus he oogles all the time, but why us? Man, I really don’t need them for now, do I? Girls that is. I wonder if I haven’t had enough of that curse for the time being? Shouldn’t I be concentrating on other important things; like TV? Anyway, I did realize that and we headed home after some horrdendous food at Bangalore Central. The rickshaw rides all in all cost me 200 bucks and it completely pissed me off when I reached home. Hell! I wasn’t going to drive the car, so yeah, thats ok too.

Sunday, at home. Cleaned up. The maid came, she got the house all spick and spanky. Got my clothes all washed and dried. Watch some quality TV. Spent some quality time with the cousin. He watched TV and played game as I slept. Overall, very satisfying to have someone home. It does get boring once in a while to be alone. Why else do you think I type so much these days? I blog nearly every other day. Not that it ticks me off, but I just start worrying about what I’m doing with my life. Maybe I need a companion? Then I get scared. Maybe I don’t! Wow. Its confusing and the being-alone part really gets me jittery. I watched the finals of the IPL today and watched the Rajasthan Royals win. The win wasn’t convincing, but it was a win nevertheless and they had really played well throughout the tournament. Shane Warne seems like a good captain, but I’ve heard that he sucks as a person. Well, who cares?

Uhm, thats it for my weekend. I’m out of night shifts and I am not doing any night shifts for this month. Yes, I’m happy about it and I’m going to sleep the nights for a whole month. Lets see if it reduces my headache maybe. Beginning the afternoon shift from tomorrow onwards. I must begin going to the gym regularly and for a considerable amount of time. I might begin with resistance training and I will speak to Umesh (the trainer) about a regime that I could follow. Over and above all, I must try and visit the doctor tomorrow. Lets see where that goes. Time to hit the sack. Night.

-Anup

The rains here!

Rain always puts me in a stupendously good mood. However bad the environmental variables be. The end result is a smile on my face. I mean, imagine me being stuck in traffic for over 2 hours. Ohh yes, thats right, I had my first 2 hour jam after coming to Bangalore. That’d probably be nothing new for most others who have travelled during peak hours here, but for me, this was the first time. Somehow, it didn’t bother me. I couldn’t help keeping the window of my car open and watch the rain. It used to pour heavily sometimes and get my sides all wet, but I just couldn’t pull up the glasses. The fragrance of wet mud is amazing, isn’t it? Ohh and the sound of rain beating against the roads, the cars, people and other objects, it sounded like music to my ears! Overall, as usual, rain put me in a mixed emotional spot. A spot that had nostalgia, pain, joy and most of all hope.

I couldn’t stop myself from thinking up:

Speak to me in a tongue,
Only few understand,
Oh heart of hearts;
Oh soul of souls.

It matters little,
That no one knows,
Oh heart of hearts;
Oh soul of souls.

And we tread barefoot, you and I,
Our soles wet with dew,
Cast from a dream, a pleasant lie.

And I will dream again and die,
To live another dream with you,
Until the next we meet,
In my heart of hearts;
My soul of souls.

Well, I ended up missing all my friends. I missed all the people I loved and had left behind. I felt guilty and sorry for all the bad that I did and I felt like apologizing to people for the bad that I did to them. I haven’t thanked God enough for keeping me alive as of yet and I must visit the temple. Its not necassary to do it cause I call myself an Agnostic. Hrmphhhh, I’m not. I’m a believer. I sent out an email to Johnson and Priyanka and managed to find the courage I needed to apologize for what I did. I’m not sure if they’d be able to forgive me for what I did, but I did do my part. Once again, I’m sorry you guys. I did not want it to be this way and I’ll miss you. I’m going through another rough patch.

Mom and Sneha are off to Kerala today. I’m going to miss them. I still have to get the songs Sneha wanted and then burn it for her. I’ll do it as soon as I go home today. I have to drop them to the railway station tonight and I don’t even know where the place is. I’ll hire a taxi or something. I may not come to office today; might as well stay at home and get some rest. I need it cause of the terrible headache that I’ve been carrying with me since quite some time now. Monday is the day – I will visit the doctor. I’m shameless mostly; even a public word is breakable, as per me. I’m still the best. Bangalore is awesome and I love the rains. Ohhh and traffic, you can never win over me. I’ll win over you each and every time. I’ll fuckin’ drive over you. Beat that! Peace out \m/

-Anup

Black.

Hey… oooh…
Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything.
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything…

I take a walk outside
I’m surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I’m spinning, oh, I’m spinning
How quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything…

All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I’ll be… yeah…
Uh huh… uh huh… ooh…

I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life,
I know you’ll be a sun in somebody else’s sky, but why
Why, why can’t it be, why can’t it be mine??

Another day of sadness? You’d ask. Well, yes. Another day full of the same old crap. I seem to be trapped in a never ending black hole of a lot of emotional whirl winds. Sometimes I feel I’d win over them and the other times, it all seems traumatizingly difficult to bear up with. My head seems to break with pain when things happening around tense me up. I’ve been losing people thick and thin and it worries me. Do I really want to be like this? An annoying freak? I’m not sure. I can’t seem to change myself. I really want to, but things aren’t flowing the way they should and I always end up beginning from ground zero. Sucks to be me, seriously.

I was speaking to Shagufta today and she seemed to be in a ridiculously sharp mood full of ignorance. I knew that it wouldn’t end well and it did not. It ended with me looking like a puppy who wanted to be petted by an owner who’d just kick it anyway! Hrmhphh, weird comparison? Well, no. I’m not sure of why, but when she speaks (Shagufta that is) she sounds as insensitive and ignorant as Smita used to be. It bothers me, but then, what she says is true as well (Shagufta that is). I’m being an ass apparently. Well, dream on! I wasn’t ignoring anyone. I did try to convince her, but then, female minds work in mysterious ways. She just seemed to sound more and more rude with every statement she typed. Like I said, she keeps on turning into someone I don’t know. Hmmm, and yes, no one’s special. Everyone is just as cliche’d as everyone else is. Shagufta did seem to make a point that relationships are never special, they happen and if they don’t work out; move on and shut the fuck up! I get the point, ok?

I’ve been busy with mom and Sneha and thus been unable to visit the gym. Couldn’t help it. I had to spend time with them. So its been around 2 weeks since I worked hard at the gym. I do spend time there, but its just a quickfire 45 odd minutes and not a real workout. Well, thats all that I can afford for now. More when mom and Sneha leave, which is on Friday. I’ve promised them that I won’t be seeing them for the next 6 months at least. I’d need to lose out on my excess fat by then. I’m 86 now. Another 10 more to go, I’d say. Orkut is boring and I’ve stopped sucking up to that place to eat on my bored-up times. HIMYM season 3 is over I assume and thus the wait continues. I’ve stopped IRcing. Mostly because people there are amazingly stupid and I do not wish to explain things to anyone. I KNOW what I’m talking about, alright? So, beat it shmucks. Been stuck on the music of the movie “Jaane tu ya Jaane na” A.R. Rehman is a god when it comes to music. My headache seems to be an all time high and I really, really need to go to the doctor. Uhm, another day in paradise comes to an end and I’m off. Heading home. Games, music, mom and Sneha and then some sleep. Driving home is the bestest thing of them all. Cool breeze rushing into my face – heaven. I’m out.

-Anup

Losing people.

I feel very strongly that I’m heading for a new beginning. I somehow seem to find it easy losing all the people I thought were mine and people I thought I could never do without. Alas! I feel strangely alright when I see them walking out of my life. It seems just right that they left me. I don’t feel like chasing any of them. All I feel like doing is continue and not turn back. I feel like picking up the next movie and watching it. I feel like jogging some more and losing some weight too! Hah. The irony of the situation is, I thought I’d have more friends to talk to when I was losing love (continous present tense) but now when I turn back, I had two or three odd people who just walked behind me, lest I fall and I won’t thank them because if I do, I might lose on their debt. I’d want myself to be indebted to them for all my life. Now, when I’m done and over with me, the lovestruck me, I’m continuing to lose people. People I love and new friends. Its like fate is conspiring against me to help Anup build again! I will. I miss them all and sometimes I feel my eyes getting wet, but then, these days I seem to have the will power and the ability to just get up with a smile and walk away.

I have been suffering from a terrible neck and head ache for the past month and a half. Its the similar kind of pain that seemed to strike when I was playing God of War! It went off by itself and I was hoping that it’d go away this time too, but that isn’t happening and now I’m worried. Sometimes, the pain is unbearable and all I can do is bear up with the pain. Mom and Radha aunty have been asking me to go to the doctor forever now, but I’ve been lazy and I’m broke. The Goa trip and the classes and Pune and other expenses for this month was heavy and all I can think of is for the 30th to come over fast. The pain gets mild once in a while, but it kills when it returns, because thats when it comes on with its entire force. I will visit the doctor once I get my salary.

I had a pretty relaxing weekend. I slept throughout saturday and had fun talking to Radha Aunty, Kuttapi, Ammu, Mom and sister. I sat up the whole night with granny (Radha aunty’s mom) and we gave company to each other like wing-men in a random bar. The only difference being the part where we drank Horlicks for the kick! Totally awesome. I slept at around 5 AM in the morning and woke up at 8 all ready to hit the traffic and take mom and the kids out! I showed mom around HP and she and the kids were were happy being here. I felt proud. Proud about the fact that I’m here and well, thank you HP! Sunday ended with rain. It was awesome; we came back home, me and Kuttapi and played some COD (Call of Duty 4) Ohh! did I forget to mention about the game? Its an awesome one. A must get. I enjoy playing it with Kuttapi and I dozed off after like 1 AM and some random chatting with some random people that I don’t remember now. I think I spoke to Shagufta and it was very weird. I’d rather not talk about it, but then, I seem to say a neverending bye to her that day. Sucked.

Monday, as promised was the day for watching the Tamil flick – Kuruvi which had IlaythalIlayathalapathy Vijay - Kuruviapathy Vijay and Trisha acting. The movie was at 12:45 and we wasted time from 10:AM to 12:45 PM inside forum. Mostly inside landmark and Westside and there seemed to be no problem with passing time as we bought random stuff. I bought all the books of Chetan Bhagat for Ammu since it was her birthday on the 25th. Me and Kuttapi bought T-shirts; same ones with different sizes. Cousins style! We then ate at Transit and the food was good and inexpensive. Weird shit. That never happens inside Forum. I managed to glance at the MacBook slim and it totally rocked. Priced at 91,800 it was an electronic beauty. Anyway, all that being done, we watched the movie Kuruvi. It rocked and the movie made me very very happy. Vijay has lost weight and however much he overacted, it still suited him and yes, he’s my favourite actor; action, comic and romantic. Totally awesome. A must watch for all Vijay fans. I might decide to watch it again, just for his action and the smile. I don’t care if I sound gay, but well…

We got back home and mom came back with me to my flat. The flat needed some cleaning and I wasn’t going to do it on my own or even do it at all. Mom decided to do the clean up job while I watched. The house is sparkling new now and I feel awesome there too! Mom, you’re the best. I spent some quality time with mom talking about home, her sister and other things. She seemed to be disturbed and I thought it’d be better to talk to her once she’s done worrying because talking about the thing that worries her would just get her BP high. I dropped her back home (Radha aunty’s place) and waited for dinner. Its Kuttapi’s 10th class results tomorrow and we’re all anxious about how much he’d score. I have my fingers crossed. Hope he does well. I got to work by 10. Its Memorial day today and its slower than usual at work. I guess I’m going to be done with work in approximately 4 hours more. Thats it then, more in next. The Goa document is over. Will upload it by tomorrow. I’m tired.

-Anup