Musebox 32 – A year full of Krisha!

Shruti, my dear dearest; this post I write on OUR behalf more than mine and that’s the reason I’ve only mentioned our daughter and not you, so yeah, that being said lets get on with the post.

Another year went by and I’ve become 33 years old or considering the glass half empty guy that I am, lets say I’m running 33 which does sound a lot older than what it actually is but that’s how I feel so lets keep it at that. I’ve always come by to write a musebox post so why not about year 32, right? Especially since it has been made so eventful with Krisha being all over it. What they say is so true – when you decide to bring new life be ready; always remember that you’re not a couple anymore! What most people forget to mention is that we’re not a couple anymore instead we are a family or if you want to make things sound more tantalizing – we are a gang! A freaking powerhouse if you just jump into the numerous moments of pure bliss radiated by a 3 year old. Now its a totally different thing if you are me and are too busy entertaining yourself. If this is the case you are nothing but an escapist but I’m a self proclaimed one anyway so, meh.

Krisha turned 3 on the 3rd of September and all this time has flown by studded with her many antics, giggles, tears and her ever so demanding demeanor. I always tried to maintain that Musebox posts would be about me because I generally am a self centered narcissist however as time goes by and since we are blessed to have Krisha with us, life is more about her and less about us. I am not sure if this is the case with all parents – maybe it is because kids these days seem to require all our attention. I remember the times when I could go about minding my own business very early in my life. Its only when I’d get into deep shit would my mom or dad come rescue me. Now however, Krisha has either Shruti or me looking out for her constantly. Preventing her every fall, worried for all the mistakes she’ll make and warning her about everything she touches. I sometimes want to yell at myself because of how I am with her. Whatever she touches she hears a no from my end because in my eyes whatever it is that she has touched turns into a weapon of self destruction.

Krisha’s major milestones:

  • Steady school and play time for Krisha.
  • The ability to fight diseases earned from said school.
  • Bladder and bowel control.
  • Fluently converse in English with diction that I am quite happy with. We will build on it soon. Pro tip: Krisha can effectively use the words “actually” and “supposed to” for example “I was supposed to get you water however I found a balloon!”
  • The ability to socialize and make new friends and learn the all too powerful knowledge where you change a standstill situation into a win-win one. For example, “If you touch my cycle, I will touch yours!”
  • Understand “love” and what she feels for her parents which eventually leads to crazy and wet smother sessions!
  • Most importantly, a demeanor to kill for! Is kind – will cry but will give, Is smart – can solve a 102 piece puzzle set, Is confident – can argue till you drop dead and has situational awareness which is of extreme importance in todays world.

I worry when I write walls of texts. Sometimes I find ways to insert an image or a gif into posts which tend to get long but the only image that comes to my mind is a bit too personal to put on here because I am a paranoid father and I’d rather not have my little ones picture anywhere on the web. Its tough though because we are in a digital era and our footprints are all over the place. Add to the fact that she can handle an iPad on her own at age 3.5 is just uncomfortably shocking. I was eating mud at that age and I feel let down about myself when I think of it that way. Damn, I am competitive!

On a completely different note, I know that considering the YouTube generation that we are living in; no one really has the time to subscribe to RSS or read blogs or anything else for that matter however, any further write ups here will be for those select and lucky few who still seem to give a damn about words. More in next.

-Anup

Musebox 31 – Year ending 2014

photo(1)The year is about to end and here’s wishing a grand good bye to 2014. As usual I am a day too late to come up with updates and no I am not here to give excuses because the year has been an excellent one considering that me and my partner in crime; Shruti have had our little devil grow into this beautiful little ball of joy that makes us laugh and cry at the same time. No, I’m not kidding about this. We never knew that a small little thing like her could hold us hostage. Ohh and tears! I am sure she can contract for water if she wanted to cause tears just flow so naturally and easily at her will. All this apart we have been blissfully lucky to have her with us and there isn’t a day that goes by where we don’t thank god for giving her to us. She’s the prettiest thing we have seen and she is and will be forever – the queen of our heart.

This year has zoomed through at the speed of light. Work has been hectic and as I explained above we have had someone who just sucks every desire in us to look at anything else but her and hell no, I say that with absolutely no remorse. Though there are times when it seems too much for us to take; one smile and it all goes away. More than me its her, Shruti, the mother – the life-giver. Here is where you as a man see how inconsequential you are. All you contribute towards that life seems so minuscule when you observe from so close as to what a mother gives to get you to be where you are. In the end all you end up wishing is not for your offspring to love, respect or be there for you. All you wish for is for that child to know her mothers worth and be there for her – forever because you would never have had the power to move a limb if it weren’t for her. So here’s saluting all the millions of mothers out there. What you do is never truly recognized and it is in one of these very weak moments where us men tend to say – hey, thank you. Thank you for everything.

Work has been killer this entire year and no its not because I’m doing a lot of things. Its this one project which has clung on to me like tar to road. Its so sticky that it just won’t let go and I’m sure that even when it supposedly gets over I’d have stains and I’ll still be stuck in one way or the other to the road and I’ll have tons of people drive all over me. See the reference there? I’ve made way for people to commute and I know that I’ll get stuck on that very way. I tried to be Euphemistic there but no, I just can’t get it sound any less grim. The fuckin’ project is such that the management doesn’t give a fuck, the users don’t give two fucks and it seems like its just the Project team that see how important it is. Meh, important you ask? Fuck that – we are scrubs who work for nothing more than money. There is no respect and I’ve been living like this for far too long but then its Ka-ching you know? However much you earn the lesser it seems. God damn it, stop being such a sucker for pity Anup. Tell them about all the real life awesomeness that you’re missing out on just cause you’d rather sit in front of the thing-that-shows-you-whats-not-real instead of picking up that kid and going to the garden. Smell that fresh air, you know? Ahhh, let me get to that in small simple pointers.

  • I live a dream most people can only dream of – I swear to god!
  • I don’t seem to see all the good that my life has studded all over the place.
  • My wife loves me too god damn much for my own good. I am 97 kgs and counting.
  • Weight loss is a journey that we both embark on every single day and fail at it twice on the same day at the least.
  • …continuing – we are like spiders. We never give up!
  • I live in a country where me and my family can be out on the street at any given point in time and not fear for our safety.
  • I drive a car that I could only have dreamed of; elsewhere.
  • I can jog a couple of miles if I still wanted to. Hope I see the good in this.
  • I got a total of 46 paid days off this year – WTF?

So yes, the above should stand testimony to the fact that I need to live each and every moment of life rather than cribbing about how much it could have been better. Of course it can be made better but no one else except me can work towards it because god knows and I do too that nature has given me everything that I need, I have all the tools to ensure that I grow old well. How I utilize this is left unto me and if I fail at it I have no one but me to blame. For now though, I seem to get crowded by thoughts and heavy words like “responsibilities” which is something every middle aged man goes through and these struggles are something you wade through to ensure that you see that sense of purposed which drives our lives. I am still running circles though with Shruti and Krisha right in the middle. They seem to bear up with my stupid bouts of anger, idiosyncrasies that I myself don’t understand and yes finally – all the luggage that I seem to carry. Ohh God, help me just shed the weight and feel light cause that’s what I want to feel. But then again, here we have another year of achievements and I am sure that I’ll win if I have these guys by my side. That’s it for now I guess.

<3 my lovelies. I know I talk a lot and don’t do much but I will try to get better. Hope you have faith in me and remember – patience is key with me!

-Anup