Stories – Helmet Pinched

Bi-yearly catch up!

What is up you guys? This is me, myself and I welcoming you to a brand new year. I know that I’ve been gone for a while now and this place is so dead right now. I come here ever so often hoping to get motivated by words that seemed to come to me so easily but this just doesn’t seem to be working for me and writing/blogging rather seems to be a thing of the past. No one blogs anymore says Shruti. Who even blogs? Type up text you mean? Seriously? Who has the time to read through walls of text? My manager calls me up each time he reads my emails and asks me to give him a two line summary in order to even “consider” my concern. That is how much people hate text. We have been taken by the vlog storm and youtube is the way to go. I have a youtube channel and all the jazzy social media crap but it can never do to me what walls of text does. I know that most of the people who used to come here would probably never come around hoping to see new stuff because 6 months is too long a time and in any case – I literally blog bi-yearly, so its no biggie!

There is a lot to catch up on and I am sure that I can come up with pages and pages of data and still not be done with it. However, the wife has dozed off already and I am so darn sleepy! This is just a post to try and follow what she told me – write a line or two a day and see where it takes you. So here I am; making an effort to write not for anyone else but just to get me closer to what I used to love doing and a certain part of me who still thinks that the thing I am best at is words, text, expressions and walls of text. In my case, love those walls as I always seem to get through them quite easily.

Here’s wishing anyone who graces by a happy and prosperous year 2013 and I hope for the best to come to you and your family. I seem to be doing well where I am. I am getting plumper by the day and I am worried about my health. I should be able to catch up over time but I really need to give it my full sooner than later. Shruti is bored but is doing extremely well and she is the strongest ray of hope in my life. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t fight with her. Sometimes, I just annoy her to see her get mad at me, its funny I tell you but that’s what I love about us we fight without too many egos!

A lot more to tell you’ll but I’ll leave that for future. For now, I hope to just about hit the final period here and go to bed. This won’t get published until I do that cause its almost 3:00 AM here and I had a tough day at work. I’m almost sleeping on my keyboard.

Cheers you guys! I missed you’ll.

-Anup

Obituary to love.

He sobbed some more as he tried in vain to reach out to sandman. It seemed like eternity since he last slept and the Tears efforts made to get one days sleep seemed to make him more numb towards the whole idea of rest and dreams. But he had slept off today. Smothered by his own self-poisoning ways and of course his self-loathing stare which seemed to tear into his skin, break every bone in him and make every blood cell in him wither and die. He had wished for sleep and nothing but dreams that wouldn’t haunt him. The nightmares had been giving him the jitters forever now and all he wanted was to sleep. It was alright if it wasn’t peaceful, understandable that the nightmares wont go. All he wished for was to stop watching her leave. This seemed to creep up on his dreams every night like an old abandoned spirit unwilling to leave. Nothing helped and he had given up.

He woke up with a start; perspiring and almost crying his eyes out over what he had to endure in that wretched dream. It was the same one every day. It played on like a stuck tape that wouldn’t budge. It was there to stay and it had occured to him as a torture every single night. All he ever wanted was her…

There she sat on a red sheet on bare ground. Clad in a white dress, her naked feet caught his eyes. He thought they were beautiful. She tiptoed towards the rivulet being careful to not hurt herself. He noticed that she had no slippers. She looked perfect; pristine, benign and pure. So much so that she seemed unattainable. He smiled as he watched her grab the flowing water with both her hands cupped together. She drank some and ever so sloppily let most of the water flow off her cusped hands onto her neck which trickled down to her chest and there seemed to be a red glow which seemed to dull out when the water seeped in. It seemed magical. He could hear her heartbeat which seemed like a million lightning-thunders hitting against the harsh waves of an angry sea. She looked beautiful. He almost took his eyes of her, lest he hurt her just by laying his eyes on her.

She sat herself down on a rock and beckoned him to come sit by her. He hesitated but was drawn to her like the male praying mantis who knows that it’ll be eaten after the female takes what she wants but her magnetism is too much for him to negate. He sat down and gently took her feet in his hands. He noticed a tiny stream of blood. She had cut herself. He panicked and began cleaning the wound. Her heart raced faster than ever and her heart glowed a color of red he’d never seen before. She looked into his eyes and flashed one of her smiles. The ever so small but very visible to him kinda ones. She bent down, stared lovingly into his eyes and spoke in a voice that seemed like many tiny, delicate strings being plucked, almost rhythmically. “Will we be like this forever?” he looked at her, full of unending love but confused at her question, “Why do you ask? Haven’t I told you so many times before?” she suddenly seemed sad and lost in a scary reverie. “What is bothering you?” he asked, worried and curious to know more about what was on her mind. “I feel like I’m losing grip and you seem like you’re slipping away… tell me you’ll stay!” she blurted out, exasperated by its sheer thought. “I’ll be here. I’ll never leave. You’re mine and I’ll never let go…” and he kissed her gently on her shoulder.

The touch burnt her and she moved away quickly and seemed farther than he wanted her to be. He reached out and tried to move closer to her but the nearer he got the further away she went. The red aura around her chest had died out. She looked sad and frail now. Her white dress tattered and torn. Both her legs had deep wounds on them and she was bleeding. He called out to her and tried to make a run towards her with all his remaining energy. She kept looking at him try in futility. His race with time just made her more grotesque and unrealistically chimerish. Finally, all he heard was a whisper, “I’m sorry…” He couldn’t see her anymore. She gave no reasons and there were no good byes. Tears for him and invisibility for her! Gods been kind he thought as he struggled to keep himself from crying, but tears were his best friends. They came… and he woke up; yet again., sobbing and benighted by the shadows of his past and a nightmare that just doesn’t let go. The music ends and he slids back into bed. Another sleepless night. His nights seemed to him like a never-ending obituary to love.

-Anup

A year of not being in love – Happy Valentines – 2009!

He twitched a little as he shifted to third gear. The road was empty and he felt the need to overdrive. It was 11:55 and a cruel clock driven by the need to find a way back into love began ticking within him. It was close to a year since they parted ways and every second that ticked seemed like a nail on his coffined life. He felt the need to stop the car and take a walk but then he had, seated next to him this colleague to whom he promised a lift back home. Jassi (the colleague here) was silent as he tried to listen intently to the loud blaring music. He seemed so unfamiliar to Creed. “Loud music gives me the yips” he said without looking at him. He ignored the comment and switched to fifth gear. The sooner I drop him the better it’d be for me, he thought.

14th of February 2008 came rushing in and it seemed to drown him in a sea of sorrow, regret and hopelessness. That was their last day together. She looked beautiful (he thought) in a white dress with red flowers on it and matching flat shoes to go along. He had no gift, but bought a card and some flowers cause they had agreed upon getting no gifts. He caught her by surprise when he came up with the card cause she assumed that he’d follow himself since it was he who cracked the deal. “No gifts this time! You wanna break up anyway, right? So lets not waste our hard earned money” he said the other night in a voice that seemed to crack over the phone telling her of how much it pained him but he chose to fight anyway. “Alright” she said and slid back into bed. She dialed his number and burst into tears.

She: I can’t take this anymore. I want all this to end.
Him: What happened? Why are you crying? Are you ok? I’m worried…
She: (muffling her sobs) I’m worried. I don’t want to be with him anymore.
Him: I know. Its alright, we’ll sort this out. You talk to him tomorrow.
She: But its Valentines and you know how he can be?
Him: Yes. But you have to tell him someday about how you feel. You’ve dragged this for 2 long years.
She: (still sobbing) But I wanted to be with you. I never thought he’d come. We broke up before he left to join work at Bangalore.
Him: *sigh* don’t worry, just talk to him. Happy Valentines day – I love you.
She: I love you too. Call you tomorrow.

“So you bought me a card and flowers even though we weren’t supposed to get gifts?” she questioned. He knew that was coming. “I know, just wanted to get you closer to reality. You’re a shallow person, you know? Don’t you know me? I would never turn up without a gift” She had the smudged but unwilling to accept embarrassment kinda look on her face as she hopped into the car. She sat down and stared at the mirror adjusting her make up. “You look gorgeous” he said. “Care for a picture?” and he notioned her to get down from the car. She got out and he went all clickety. Pictures always made her happy.

“And whats our POA for the day?” she asked, as if trying to estimate when she’d get free. She had other appointments. “POA? I’m not sure… err, what?” “Plan of action, I mean” she said, continuing to play with her maskara. “Ohhh, movie? I heard P.S: I love you is playing at E-square, lunch and then a drive maybe?” He seemed unsure if she really had the entire day. He knew she had other plans. It was like he always knew. This was the dreaded day. “Sounds like a plan, lets make a dash” and she smiled for the first time. Well, thats what kills a man, doesn’t it? Her tears and her smile. They drove off and she seemed to be lost for most part of the drive to the movie hall. She fiddled with her phone, tried to concentrate on the music blaring out of the radio (she had this turned high on volume, reasons unknown) and finally feigned some sleep. They entered the hall and bought movie tickets. They still had an hour to the start of the movie. “Hey, I’d like to grab a sketch if possible. Guess we’d never get to do that again” it was like the bite of a venomous snake. The pain of the bite and the venom seeping into his bloodstream. The pain was ineffable. “What do you mean? Nothings wrong! you’re crazy…” she lied. She held his hand (for the first time that day) and dragged him to the sketch counter. They stood in front of the web-cam and it clicked a picture and began sketching. Both of them wore a cemented smile and waited for the sketch. The silence grew on them and he broke the dead air…

He: What plans for tomorrow then? I’m leaving day after.
She: Anything you say. Just don’t ask me to bunk work. I hate doing that.
He: I didn’t ask for anything. It’s alright if you’re busy. Its just that, we both know whats to proceed. I thought you’d want to spend some time with me.
She: Yes, I’d like that. Work begins at 4. Jodha Akbar? Tomorrow? I heard its funny (and she guffawed)
He: Alright, good, you get the tickets. I’m sure you’d have saved up truckloads of money on all the gifts you avoid buying. (he winked)
She: Arghhhhhh!! I knew you’d come up with that. I was just doing what you said.
He: Hey! I was just kidding, whats with you? Weren’t you the one who suggested I take jokes?
She: No! I don’t want you to curse me with this later. I want to get you a gift like right now!!

(She dragged him into Archie’s)

He: Listen, please? Forget about it? I was just messing with your head.
She: Yes, you’re a pro at that, you know?

(She has a toy figure of olive oyl in pink in her hand and seems appreciative about its cost)

She: Could you parcel this up for me?
Shopguy: Sure (and he goes on with gift wrapping it)
He: Uncalled for. Suit yourself though.
Shopguy: 220 Rs ma’am.
She: Hey, can you lend me 200? (after shuffling in her bag and purse for a while)
He: Hey, sure thing! Here you go…

(She hands his gift over)

He: Hey, thanks so much! I love the gift I bought myself. (and he winked again)
She: You come up with new ways of killing me every day. How do you manage?
He: I don’t need to try luvey, you are the artist in me!
She: Hey! I thought we were out together on Valentines day? Lets try to be happy?
He: Sure thing. You try. I’m happy that I get to be with you. Its difficult handling all the call waits anyway. You have been a busy bee off late.

(A quite lunch and an amazing movie later)

“You should consider untying your hair I think” he said and gave her a worried look. “Do you really want to show all that bare back to the crowd?” and he got into the car trying to avoid eye contact. He knew she’d give him the “stfu-low-life” kinda look. “Uhm, I thought you said I looked beautiful” she said carelessly and got in. They didn’t speak for a while. The traffic kept him busy. “So where to? same old?” he asked. “Ohhh yes, lets go there!! I still remember…” she began. “Please! don’t fuck it up with uncalled nostalgia. You know things wont end well if we got nostalgic” he said as he tuned up the player. He drove on until they reached the spot. This was where they used to come when they were madly in love which seemed as though it was all a mirage. For him it was as real as could be. Love slipping away; he had been living with it for a long time now and he wanted to gut it down. They got out of the car and walked slowly towards the tree which stood on a small plateau. They sat down and spoke… for the very last time. The drive from there back home was washed off by the countless tear drops which hit his soul.

He: Why all this?
She: What do you mean?
He: Why did it take you two years to know who you really wanna be with?

(She hits the mute mode)

He: We have to talk, ok? For me and for you!
She: I used to love you.
He: When and why?
She: What do you mean?
He: Just cause you never managed to get his attention? Wasn’t that why you signed up for me? Ohh and add to that, FREE GIFTS!!!
She: Calm down!
He: I’m sorry. I just wanted to finish this dialog and be done with.
She: I’m sorry. I didn’t know things would turn up like this.
He: Common!! think about it. You didn’t know? Is that the best you could come up with?
She: (sobbing) I’m sorry…
He: DOWN with those tears girl!!! We aren’t discussing the probability of us getting married here. Thats long over. All I want to know is about why you put me through this pyre?
She: What do you want me to tell you?
He: The truth. Whatever it is…
She: You sound as though you know it all.
He: I do. But I’d want you to tell me so that its itched onto me and I get rid of your torturous thoughts.
She: I don’t love you anymore.
He: I know that. Crystal. Since forever now. Tell me why. Thats what I want to hear.
She: I’m sorry.
He: Please!!!!!!!!! stop with the apologies. (he broke down) Why apologize when there is no forgiving? I’ve got nothing against you. You just want to be happy and I’m not good enough.
She: No… its not that, its my fault, not yours.
He: God, thats the worst cliche in the book luvey.
She: I’m sorry… I…
He: Lets leave. Thanks for your company thus far. It has been 2 and a half years of bliss hidden deviously behind the illusion you created. I can’t thank you enough for all the times you’ve heard me out. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone as madly as I’ve loved you. I’m letting go and I know thats what you want. I don’t quite know how I’m going to do without you.
She: I’ll miss you too…
He: Shhhhhhhhhhh…. don’t say that.
She: But…
He: No, you have no say in this. Lastly, all I have to say is that you look just as beautiful as you looked today even when you’re in your sweats. I can’t promise about going away without the final struggle. There’ll be tears and phone calls. Deal with it. You know me better than I know myself. Please be patient with me. Now, give me a hug…

(They hug and walk towards the car)

“Hey! Happy Valentines day dude, its 12:02 and you’re the first one I wished!!” he shifted back to 2nd gear and then to first as he slowed down. “Turn left and stop, thanks for dropping me home” Jassi said as he watched tears well up in his eyes. “You have a good one man…” he waved as he sped off. “Happy Valentines day luvey…” he muttered and then there was light! He twitched again,

-Anup

P.S: All the charecters in the plot above are REAL! Sue me.

A timeless story.

I’d like to begin with this:

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then the one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it’s sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you’re older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone the song is over, thought I’d something more to say

I’ve been wanting to write something about ‘time’ since times immortal. But then, time happens to be a very complicated subject to talk about; for me, cause its bundled up with nostalgia. Now nostalgia as we all know can be pleasant sometimes and disturbing on other occasions. I choose not to experiment with luck these days and I’m trying to avoid unnecessary thoughts. Especially since its nearing the 14Th of February. Hrmphh, guess I’ll surely come up with something by then cause I’m celebrating one year of worry less life on that date. A year of life after the shackles were broken, a year since I began sleeping peacefully and a year since love ended. Or so I want to believe. Couple of days more! Wow, now that’s an accomplishment and come to think of it now, god damn! Its a year since the misery (mine and her) ended. Well, more on that later.

For now, I was pondering about how much time I’ve wasted and its true what they say, time and tide, once gone never return! I’ve wasted a lot of my time doing things I should have avoided. Its pointless cursing myself now but then I’m going to take up this opportunity to remind myself of how big an imbecile I am to have whistled away those many hours, those precious seconds. I should have been utilizing the nanoseconds god gave me by doing something worthwhile. Its during times of self-inspection like these that I realize that I haven’t respected time and thereby I haven’t been fair towards my Karma or my purpose in life. I was certainly not made for loitering around malls buying random stuff that I may or may not need, sometimes for someone else who in the end was all geared up to crush my heart!

Now, you’ll would probably wonder about why I’ve suddenly come to this moral epiphany. Its more than just a divine manifestation of thoughts in my head giving birth to these rather sad feelings in my heart. This is me looking into what I’ve done thus far with my life and a retrospective self-justification to myself. A feeble attempt at telling myself to step up and grab life by its crotch! Sadly, I guess I’m just a fat fuck lost in melancholy. I dug deeper into the time I’ve lived thus far hoping to find a story worth telling. A story that’s devoid of variations caused by my will to shine. I went quickly past my work life and the part of my life that I’d like to forget the most – college. Arghhh, that was horrid! Except of course for Prab. Prab is an amazing person and I’m sure he’ll be there with my for the rest of my life as my only gain from the limited time I spent in college. I had to track back right up to grade 4 when I was a stupid kid who knew nothing but Malayalam. A kid trying to even it out with the many bright kids that plagued his classroom. This happened to me and this incident makes me feel like I’m alive – even today! I can nearly feel the worry of a little boy. I can feel his apprehension and I can still heave the same sigh of relief that I did 16 years ago. It was all about a pencil…

Satya was this awesome sport man who was loved by all. He was a teachers pet cause he looked cute and I guess the girls dug him right from then. We were supposed to use pencils when working on our ‘classwork’ books so that we don’t ruin it. Later on, once the teacher checks it we’d get to re-write it in the fair copy with a pen. Or if I remember right that happened after the 5Th grade when pens came into picture. Fountain pens mind you. Ball pens were taboo! Heh, silly things like thee make me want to go right back in time and be seated next to one of my classmates. Those pesky, rather nasty beings who had everything but love for a fellow who hadn’t studied for his exams. They’d try their level best to cover up what they wrote on their answer papers. Copying was for the scum of the class, the last benchers. I’ve strayed away… precisely what happens when I write about events close to my heart.

So, yes, Satya. Satya had this beautiful red pencil which he had acquired from someone who had recently returned from ‘abroad’. Abroad here implies a place outside of our knowing. It could be the US of A or it could be the street next to my house that I don’t know of. This pencil; it was the object of envy for me from the day I saw him draw lines with it in his geometry book. I wanted it so bad that I stared at it and hoped that it’d hear my plea and come running to me. Satya could never negate the pencils will! It wanted to come to me, so it did. My concentrated efforts led to nothing but scornful looks from Satya. Probably wondering about why I had my eyes set on his amazing pencil box. Ohh, if I did not mention it, he had a double decker pencil box where he could neatly stack up pencils, scales, rubbers (as we called it then and I dare not refer to an eraser as a rubber now. Heh, we’ve ruined English) and everything else that he could own and did not want to share. I had the old scratchy camlin geometry box that I hated since the time I saw his box. On this specific (but lucky day I might add) he was seated next to Vinod B, an Einstein in the making. I had gone through my ritual of staring at all the cool stuff these cool kids had and gotten back to being my unappreciative self. I was at that point in time cursing dad for not buying me new white shoes. As I cursed on, I heard something fall, ever so gently; as if it was meant only for my ears and then I saw it roll over to my feet; as if it was meant for me! I was filled with incessant joy. It was the pencil. The red pencil I so wanted. It even had a red conical ending to its top portion from where the lead began. I caught a glimpse of Satya and Vinod talking and I hoped that neither of them noticed what I was up to. I slowly slid the pencil under my feet and began gleefully talking to my partner. The bell rang, the kids got up and made a run for it. They all just wanted to go home. I had pocketed the pencil by this time and had rushed out with the rest of my peers. I just wanted to get the hell outta school and rush home. I’d hide it away and shower it with all my love I thought.

The next day was Friday and I was destined to be stupid that day. The first bell rang and we sang the national anthem and settled down with class work. Here is where I extracted the red beauty which was neatly hidden in my camlin box which looked as though it had survived brutal carnage. I began writing away with it. The text I wrote appeared so beautiful that I was lost in its beauty. By this time Satya probably noticed that he was missing his awesome pencil and had begun freaking out. He turned around and caught a glimpse of me with his pencil. Here he went, “Hey, that’s mine!” and I go all crooked eyed and sly. “What? No, this is mine. Uncle got it for me from Dubai” Uhhh, alright, I had no one in the US of A then, OK? “But mine looked exactly like that and I don’t have it anymore” he said looking all perplexed and slightly embarrassed at being unable to differentiate between his pencil and mine. We spoke about it for a while and he seemed to carry on with his work. Crisis averted I thought and continued on my gleeful journey with the red stick of lead. The period after lunch arrived and here we had our class teacher, Mrs. Shirke walk in. We quickly finished our after-lunch prayer and settled down for a boring class. After lunch classes usually meant a lot of snoring, boring, farting and cranky kids. Mrs. Shirke was talking to Satya and I noticed her turned towards the class unhappy about our dishonesty. I chose my lie to be our collective failure. I just decided to ignore what was going on and continued yapping with my partner. Here Mrs. Shirke shrieked, “Anup!!! Stand up…” I stood up with a sheepish grin. “What are you smiling about?’ she questioned. “Nothing miss” I said meekly trying to avoid eye contact. “Ok, you come here now” she said. i walked up and stood next to Satya. Here she began questioning me:

Miss: Have you taken Satya’s pencil? The red one?
Me: Me? No miss, I have only one red pencil and I bought it from Mayur shop near my house.
Satya: Haaaa… miss, he’s lying. Yesterday he told me that his uncle bought it for him from Dubai!!!
Me: Noooooooo miss… I bought it from Mayur.
Miss: Ok Anup, you buy the same pencil for Satya and he’ll give you the money. He’s lost his pencil.
Me: Ok miss.
Satya: How much money?
Me: 10 rupees (that was the largest amount I could think of then)
Miss: Now go to your seats both of you stupid boys.

Satya looked disgusted cause he knew I was lying and he quietly went over to his seat and sat down. Here on I experienced a surge of guilt and remorse and it was nothing like what I had ever felt. I was sad and lost throughout the weekend not knowing what to do. I couldn’t’t talk about this to my parents or anyone else for that matter cause I had stolen what was rightfully someone else’s. I had broken all the values my parents and my school had taught me. I did try to justify myself once in a while. I did not steal it, you know? It just rolled into my pencil back, didn’t it? I spent Sunday trying desperately to find a pencil like that in Mayur. I remembered dad telling one of his friends, “Mayur is a good general store, avide ammem pengalem oyichu ellam kittum” translated – You get everything except a mom and a sister. Mayur wala also couldn’t help me. I was lost and could not find sleep. I even tried avoiding school on Monday but mom was mighty smart; she ducked under my lie and sent me packing.

As I sat on my desk expecting the worst to happen, I could hear the kids call me all kinds of names. Chor, chortya, dhaprya. These are all variations of the word ‘thief’ I was expecting the worst. First period, prayer done. I prayed hard this time. Mrs. Shirke looks at us sternly and begins teaching. I could feel the seconds go by in milliseconds. I thought she’d take this matter up after the class ended. To my amazement, neither she nor did Satya come up with this unsolved case. Then the next period slipped by and then another. I couldn’t eat and I wasn’t able to be my usual self. Slowly but surely the day went by and I couldn’t believe my luck. They actually forgot. The entire class of 40+kids and the teacher forgot about it in over two days. What kinda luck god did I pray to? I hid the pencil away and never bought it to school after that. The days slipped by and no one ever spoke about the pencil. I don’t have the pencil anymore, but I have its memory and I can still remember how it looked in my hands. Someone else’s prized possession. It looked sad and stolen. I’d never forget those few weeks. I spoke with Satya recently and told him about what had happened then. He was completely blank about this ever happening. I sometimes wonder if Mrs. Shirke and he let it go on purpose. Just cause they were angels in disguise. I was a lovely kid. I never stole after that.

Aha! I feel refreshingly awesome now. Even though its 2:30 AM and I have had a rough day at work. its memories like these that keep me going. For all the time I’ve wasted, its memories like these which seem to make up! Thanks Satya.

-Anup

Nemesis

I don’t always like the stuff I write. Especially when it comes to incidents and stories. I seem to be able to rant and ramble but then I’m not sure about how well I’d be able to describe and incident or more importantly; talk about a real life situation. Add to that I got a really radicle review for the following write up. It didn’t bother me much though. I wasn’t going to share it until I re-read it and decided it put it up for reads. Here goes…

This is a story of retribution, redemption and divine intervention. I’d be speaking about it in 1st person and it’s inspired from a real life friend who turned out to be one amongst the many jackasses I know. He proved his jackassery time and again and this time he just went out of his usually insensitive ways to something that’s even more deeply hideous and overtly contemptuous! It’s sad that he had to give up his life for what he did, but then come to think of it, that’s how God allows redeeming yourself. This is Arjuns story and it was this crazy episode that changed his life.

Arjun, me, Sachin and Vinod (my elder cousin brother) we were roomies around 4 years ago when we lived and worked in Bangalore. They have since then moved to Mumbai and pledged to never return to this god forsaken place but I was too much in love with this city to not return. I guess I’d settle down here someday. They curse this place for its people, infrastructure and everything else. They can go on and on about how much they hate this city but they still won’t go away. They’d devour all that they make out of it – money, friends, a career, a life and then ramble on about unhelpful it is; inconsiderate schmucks.

We lived close to K.R Puram and had easy access to the city. I loved these guys and living with them was an awesome experience. Especially since that was the first time I ever got a chance to be away from home and I was making my own life. I was earning well then and I used to wonder about how I’d spend the 7,000 Rs that I had! That was such a huge amount then. Arjun came across as a good looking guy who had a naughty little smile, an awesome personality and a charming set of behavioral rules which seemed to get him within close proximity of anyone he wanted to talk to and this included guys as well. Our lives were easy, all of us were new, we all earned in decent figures and the rent we paid for a mansion of a house we lived was satisfyingly low! In this way, we managed to save up on money and Arjun bought himself a new bike. This he said would be of substantial help in his hunt for a girl he’d want to be with! I’ve always been a geek and his chick-talks only encouraged me to write more and that’s all. The whole concept did not appeal to me then. I was a helpless romantic and I thought love would happen and that you don’t need to go look for it. Arjun on the other hand was unlike any of us, he was one of those many Casanova’s prowling in the shadows of a party, a get-together, a coffee-shop or anywhere for that matter. He’d just happen like a sudden curse to women and that’s how we had posthumously crowned him the king of jerks!

Arjun worked with MPhasis then and I was with Dell and the both of us were Customer Support guys and we answered phone calls from American customers and we worked the nights. He was quite a crowd puller and within a few months he was overflowing with friends and he was nowhere to be seen. He’d just come around to pay up on rents and the occasional drinks with my cousin and Sachin. I’d ask him about what he was up to but I usually got lies and that’s when I stopped talking to him. Then one alcoholic night he got high on Old Monk and seemed to be in a talkative mood. He spilled out a name and a small story along with it. He met this girl at work. I quickly turned my music down and began listening intently because this wasn’t Arjun. He seemed to be in trouble and I was worried. I’ve seen him get drunk numerous times but this was different. He cried and sobbed as he never did! Amongst all his sobs he blurted her name out – Payal.

I thought to myself, “Hey! I know this girl, guess she’s the same girl who kicked his ass on the first day at work” He had showed a picture of her to me once and she seemed to cute to me then. I wondered about what might have happened; where did this girl find the power to hurt Arjun? He was a tough nut to crack and I was surprised to know that he’d let the very first girl in his life bring him pain and misery. I continued to listen closely as he unraveled a story which was so distasteful that I hate him to date. He started telling us about her – Her voice… a sweet whisper, her words… riddles you can’t work your way around, her smile… a hundred dawns; bright and full of joy, her eyes…. deeper than her words and she… a gorgeous girl. She carried her exterior beauty very neatly hidden in clothes that weren’t too loud but bought out her beauty. Payal was his best friend and they had fallen in love with each other!

She loved him a lot, he said. Arjun was his usual self. running around working on his regular set of unacceptable actions which would bring out the worst in anyone and that’s precisely what he ended up doing with Payal. He was not sure about what he felt for her. He wouldn’t want to share her, but he had other girls as friends and Payal wasn’t someone who’d want to share. She was obsessive, possessive and everything else that a girl could be when she was really in love. She needed her timely phone calls and he’d miss them callously. She needed his touch and he never had the time she asked for cause he had gotten what he wanted and he had quenched his thrill! I felt like bashing him up when he uttered the word thrill; but then he sobbed some more and I felt weird. What was wrong with him? This wasn’t the Arjun I knew! Here is where I snatched the glass from his hand and asked him to blurt out! “What the fuck did you do?” I nearly screamed. That’s when I looked into his eyes and I could see his pain. Red in pain and agony, he seemed like someone who was destroyed by nuclear bomb full of love-gas! “She met with an accident… they won’t let me see her… she’s in pain and I can’t even go close… they won’t let me” and he passed out!

I waited for him to wake up in the morning. The lazy ass would try to never wake up if he could because he loved sleeping. I pushed and prodded till he finally woke up not knowing about what had transcended on us the other night. He seemed to be his normal self now and it seemed like he wanted to make a dash for the door. I stopped him, “Tell me what’s going on!” he grimaced and yelled, “I HAVE TO SEE HER AND I NEED TO GO NOW! Out of the way now before I beat your sorry ass off this porch!” One look and I knew that this guy was desperate! “I’ll take you to the hospital; I don’t want you to drive!” I didn’t give him enough time to negate my need go with him. I quickly jumped onto the bike and took off with him.

“She’s critical and you’ve got to be out of your guiltless mind to have come here! What do you want now?” The first words I heard as I strode into the hospital after parking the bike. Mr. Mittal was facing the garden as Arjun stood behind him. His head hung in shame, tears welling up in his red eyes. I secretly felt happy. I heard myself whispering, “The bastard deserves whatever it is that happened” I’m not sure why, but I somehow hated this “everything’s-ok” attitude that he carried around himself and I thought he needed to suffer a bit to learn. Well, I was in for a surprise and I cursed myself the second I heard what Arjun said – “…but I did not expect her to kill herself! I don’t know!! What wrong did I do? Did she tell you anything?” Mr. Mittal turned around and handed over a letter. He read it slowly, this time the tears came down swiftly and it seemed to form a small pool around where he stood. I walked over and put my hand over his shoulder. He handed the letter over and walked away.

Her letter,

“Ajju,

I’m not sure if I can call you that anymore, but then that’s all that I can call you for now. I’ve loved you endlessly and I know that this is the biggest sin I’d ever commit. Falling in love with you was a slightly smaller one. But then, do you see me even now? Now as I try to finish this wretched life which you’ve come to hate only because I asked for some of your time and love; even now, all I want to do is to see you. I know that I can’t do that and it pains me, the way I am. I’ve been a self-loathing idiot all this while thinking about why I don’t love my parents as much as I love you. I have no answers. I’m tired of living in contemptuous self-pity and I just wanted to say good bye! I love you so much. Please don’t forget me.

Yours,
Jhumki

Our entire lives tumbled upon me as I read that I did not know how to react. I sat down, contemplating all that I had just lived through and I was wondering about what was going on in Arjuns brain and mind. It all felt like a bollywood movie and I couldn’t shake myself out of it. I walked up to Mr. Mittal and enquired about Payal. That’s when the doctor confirmed that she was out of danger and that we need to inform the police about her attempt to self-murder. Arjun was no where to be seen. I tried calling him, he never answered. I went back home and that’s when Sachin told me that he packed up and left. “Bastard!” I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to run after him, find him and kill him, brutality style! But then, he was a coward and he was gone! He’d redeem one fine day for all that he did; the way Payal was redeeming for her lack of affection towards people who gave birth to her. And come to think of it now, she’s alive and its divine intervention!

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Like I said, I find it a bit too bollywoodish to believe but then thats what my brain cooked up.

-Anup