Aasman ke…

Asmaan ke hain sare taare
Hai Mera chaand kahan
Ankhein hai num
Dil mein hai gum
Ho kuch to rehem khuda
OuouOO Oo
Mere Pyaar se Mila
OuouOO Oo

Sun Le meri dua
Hai char din zindagi
Gum hai Bepanaah
Yeh dil mera kho gaya
Dard-e-be-dawa
Berang hai Mera jahan
Kismat meri Saza zara

Asmaan ke hain sare taare
Hai Mera chaand kahan
Ankhein hai num
Dil mein hai gum
Ho kuch to rehem khuda
OuouOO Oo
Mere Pyaar se Mila
OuouOO Oo
Sun Le meri dua

Chahat ki rasmon ko
Hum nibahye Jaate hain
Isqh ke dard ko sehte hain
Aahon mein Ashko Mein
Raaatein Guzre Sanam
Imtehaan Sab De Chuke
Abb to Dede Sila
OuouOO Oo
Mere Pyaar se Mila
OuouOO Oo
Sun Le meri dua
Hai char din zindagi
Gum hai Bepanaah
Yeh dil mera kho gaya
Dard-e-be-dawa
Berang hai Mera jahan
Kismat meri Saza zara

Dil-e-Nada Maane Abb Na
Yeh zid pe hai Yahan
Chahton De Nishani
Ya Mita Mere Nishan
Berang Hai Mera Jahan
Kismat meri saza zara

[OuouOO Oo
Mere Pyaar se Mila
OuouOO Oo
Sun Le meri dua]2

Damn! K.K has sung this song to perfection. The video is total pwnage and the girl in it is damn cute; I think! 94.3 FM rocks my life as usual. I never thought that a radio station would affect my life so much. I wake up sometimes all darned and thinking about why I have to live and the only thing I can think of is to tune to 94.3! Usually its like nearing afternoon and the songs they play, songs like: Meri Kahani, Aasman ke, Rabbi Shergil and all of those… these were songs I’d listen and forget. I’ve always liked songs like these, but then hey! I’m cool, you know? Fuck you Anu, you’re just plain stupid and its music you love, whatever they be. If your ears approve of it, be cool about it, just listen to it and make yourself feel good. I’ve always tried to adapt to music the masses liked! Dunno why, but these are the days of revelations and epiphany’s. They seem to roll down on in huge numbers each day.

Its continuing to drizzle and rain in Bangalore. I love the weather right now. Keeps me happy most of the times. I like it at work these days. Mostly because of the drizzle, the shadow overhead, the gym and but of course – the people. These are people I usually thought would never be around me. I thought I’d stick to these few, a limited set of 5-6 people and they’d continue to keep the light glowing for me. Well, guess what? Life’s such that it’d always prove you wrong. The people I have around me now are very simple people. Sometimes kiddish but helpful nevertheless and always there to keep me happy. The guy who works with me or rather the guy who does all my work is Hemant; I’m happy that he’s always around to take over what I’ve left behind. He’s a kid most often than not and he keeps fighting with Ratheesh, who is the other guy who keeps pace with my life which is moving real fast.

These days its more than a peak’a’boo at Forum! I practically live there on weekends. I’m gaming more and more and I totally love the idea. Playing God of war in God mode gives me the push! I think I spent around 5 hours trying to cross a 10 minute patch of land just because the game was running in God mode. Heh, I seriously suck at it. But I’m getting there. I’m sure of beating them all; in God mode, yes!

Kuttapi is done with his exams and I’m sure that he’s on cloud number 9 by now. He needs my PS2 and it’d probably go to him for sure. The guy deserves it! I’m sure he might have burnt his nights studying. I just hope he does well. Abhi, the last warrior DS 3 had in CVG has also resigned and I’m happy for him. May he do well. He’s off to Mumbai. I wish he’d come here, but then I guess thats not happening for a while. Apart from that, Bangalore still rocks and everyday seems to be new. The weekend swept by very quick. Saturday I got myself enrolled for the Masters thing and I was out with Hemant and Kamal. Met a friend in the evening over tea, then met Ratheesh and we watched Race; was ok, not all that great, but a yes-watch. A one time watch even. The plot was complicated, but they managed to carry it off well. I liked Saif; he rocked as usual. The rest of them were just wandering around doing stunts they could otherwise have never done. Sunday was lazy and we watched Roadies at 12. Thats one awesome show. Shanbhavi is cute, but I like Prabhjot more. We then watched a mallu movie – Kathaparayumbol, which means “Telling you a story” yeah, malayalam is a complex language! Tuesday ends. Om 31staya namaha…

-Anup

P.S: The section on “People” is still lost!

Going home

Finally, its the 8th and tomorrow, I’d be off to Pune. Do I sound like someone who hasn’t visited home since a million years?! Well, it feels like that this time. I’m not sure why, but I really missed Pune. I think its because of CVG, the people there, my friends, my team mates and of course, her! I’m dying to meet her.

Things aren’t looking up for me and I know it. I might as well return back with loads of loads of tears and sadness, but thats ok! At least I’ll have a convinced heart. I have to talk to her. I need to tell her how I feel and then if she feels more strongly about that space and if she really needs a break, then so be it – she gets it! Without a doubt, this time I will do it. Its just that I can’t be alone on Valentines! Its a very special day for me.

I missed mom and Sneha somehow and I feel like talking to them and eating the food mom cooks. Somehow, I’m certain that this would be my last trip to Pune for some time after. I’ll need to stay back, control my stupid brain/heart and kind of let people be. So, this time, I’ve planned to be good. Just enjoy myself and not make a mincemeat of the not-so-hellish life I have as of now. I know that its going to turn into hell very soon and thats the reason I say, this one week is very important for me. I will apologize and I will accept my faults.

Well, thats it with that. Apart from that, I’ve been tuning in to this new band (for me) called motherjane; which is a Kerala based Rock band. Totally owns. www.motherjane.net. Insane biography is neat. I like it.

MJ

Apart from that, I have escaped without trauma for the last few days because Abhi is here. Abhi; he is an awesome person. Someone who can just wish your worries away with his laughs. I’m not going to type about how important he is; when it comes to me and my life, but since he’s been that secret box, I’d like to thank him from the bottom of my heart for being there. For being there and listening to me yell out my fears. Thanks Abhi. Well, thats it for now. I don’t feel the flow for now. I’m just plain excited to be going home! I’ll track back within a week. Till then…

My life – A carnival of rust.

Yes, I am totally owned by Poets of the fall as of now and I listen to them sing everyday. I seem to float off into a wonderland when their words fall on my ears. The lyrics seem so perfect and the music? It’s simply outstanding.

POTF

Marko is one of the best vocalists I’ve heard and somehow, I seem to able to listen to him sing over and over again. The guitarist and keyboardist; no doubt create magic with the music they bring out, but its the voice that I love the most. Its easy to get their music, if you know how! Get both their albums if you can. Signs of life and Carnival of Rust \m/

Coming to the part where I’d rant about how lonely and miserable my life is right now… Uhm, I’ve decided to not talk about it, cause, fuck! It’s getting to be alright, slowly, but steadily. I’m good and I guess its better to just continue being the way I am rather than make changes, include people, start depending on them and lose them. Somehow, I don’t feel like getting back to the worst cliche of my life. Make friends (with great difficulty) and then lose them. Sometimes, they just seem to disappear. I’m not sure why they go or where it is that they go to; they just seem to drift off from my life and never come back. Hmmm, its not weird. I am mad, a psycho, thats what I got from someone very close to me.

My old machine seemed to die on me recently. I’m not sure what happened, but the whole screen did the Matrix thing and *poof* it went blank. It struck me that this was the best time to upgrade! Thats precisely what I did. I had to cough out like 5,700 Rs, but thats alright. I got a brand new motherboard. An Asus MB with an inbuilt nVidia graphic chipset, AMD Athlon 4200+ 2.21 Ghz~ and a 2GB RAM stick. My box is fully loaded for now and I feel proud about the way it runs. I managed to rebuild it along with Vista (Buah!) and Ubuntu. Here’s how my desktop looks now:

Desktop

Ohh yeah! Thats cloud and he’s like my new role model. Uhm, for the first time, I felt alright that I kinda liked a rather femalish male! I mean, he looks beautiful. Let me not forget, but he CAN look innocent. I mean, whoa! I recently saw Final Fantasy VII – Advent Children and was totally blown over by Cloud and of course; Sephiroth. The story line is nice and the animation is awesome. Whats outstanding though is the plot and of course the characters. I loved the movie. Apart from this, I watched; Hitman which kind of broke my heart. I saw a CAM print to begin with, plus the overall movie did not seem to carry the plot which the game moved with so well! The depiction of Hitman (Timothy Olyphant) was mediocre and not something that’d cause the Ohh-effect. After this I managed to download and watch National Treasure. I always feel happy after a successful treasure hunt. So, yeah, it was worth the bandwidth.

I’m not sure if I’d get that leave I requested for in February. It kinda sucks, cause I was hoping to do a lot of things when I went to Pune for the first time after I came here. I guess I’ll need to try harder to convince the higher ups! I really need to go home for a while. Apart from that, work has been fine, except of course for the Transport, which seems to be going through some real trouble. I wouldn’t blame them though; because we flock out in sheer numbers and then there are people all over the place. I’m not sure if this could be done in order, but the way it is currently, I spend around 30 minutes pushing and prodding to finally get a cab which would take me all over Bangalore before dropping me home. The people at such kind of high end corporate companies seem tight lipped though. Most of them would chatter non-stop on the phone. The problem is, they talk so soft that you can’t even eavesdrop! Damn; thats when I realize that I have no one to talk to.

Apart from that, I’m still ugly and ohh, people think I look old. WOW! I’m turning Uncle.

-Anup

Story of my life.

It’s been over a week since I joined HP and I must say that the place (It’s ambience and the overall corporate feel) rocks! The post though is not about HP or about me moving to Bangalore or anything closely related to the events of my life. The post is about an eventful day in my life – Monday the 3rd of November.

 The day is eventful because I saw 4 movies one after the other on that day. I broke my own record of 3. But thats not the reason it’s eventful. I’ve seen movies one after the other before this and during those times it used to be fun. Why? I had 5-6 of my closest friends with me and of course, Smita was amongst them. So, even though it kinda sucked in a way, I still had fun. Coming back to why the day was eventful; well, I watched all the 4 movies alone. In a city like Bangalore, where people just fill every nook and corner they find, I couldn’t find one person who would be willing to accompany me.

I’m not sure why, but I’d just call the day eventful and not lonely. I never felt lonely. Infact, I was at peace. I never got time to curse myself, because the movies went like this:

1) 10:45 AM – Breach 2) 1:00 PM – Mallu movie (Chocolate) 3) 3:30 PM – The Kingdom 4) 5:30 PM – Beowulf

So, the day just passed by and I went home at around 8:30. I wasn’t sad, but my life just felt void of people. The sad part was that I enjoyed this. I liked being alone. I liked malling alone. Going through the stores, rummaging through whatever it is that they have to display, watching movies alone, eating alone, looking at really cute couples holding hands! I did all of this alone and true to my heart, I really felt good!

I realize sadly, that every passing day I am slipping back to being the me I used to dislike. There was a time when I was alone and I used to feel alright about it. Then Convergys happened. Abhijit, Mank, Smita, Muiz and the rest happened. The promotions at Convergys happened. The numerous outings we had as friends happened. Love happened. Heh, I know; I’m ranting like an 80 year old who has lived through all the cliches you could probably imagine, but thats the true story of my life now. I wouldn’t blame Smita for any of this though. Certain parts of my brain wants me to call her all kinds of names and hate her, but then when I think about it, the poor thing has nothing to do with my problems. She couldn’t love me; thats all. Is that sin? Shit happens. Mank is another person I cant hate. I try to keep away though and I will keep away till I go so far that I don’t need to try! These are people I like and people I’d never want to forget. I’d only take with me, the good I got from them.

I miss Abhi the most. I miss Smita too, but that’s ok, I guess. I don’t get a chance to miss Smikh though. She’s a total sweetheart and never lets me be out of touch. Must give her credits for being so closely knit. Most importantly, I miss Sneha, mom and dad. But then, I don’t think about them much; cause they’re mine and they can’t go anywhere. They just can’t run from me like the others have.

Ok, so let me get downt to the heart of this entry. Reviews on the 4 movies I saw.

1) Breach: The movie seemed slow to begin with, but then it took off on a steep one. Somehow, the story revolves around Robert Hannsen (Chris Cooper) and Eric’O’Neill (Ryan Phillippe). I’m not sure if more charecters would have spoilt the movie. Well, I guess it would have. The sad part is that I expected more from a “picturization” point of view. I expected there to be a couple of twists and turns. Apart from that, this is an adaptation from a true story, so we all know how it’d end. It’s a cliche-dream come true from beginning to end. I wouldn’t call it a bad attempt, but it’s a movie where I could predict the next scenes and it’d come true. No further comments on this one.

2) Mallu movie – It rocked. I’m sure no one would want reviews on this.

3) The Kingdom – Boring. Sucked.

4) Beowulf – Animation at it’s best. I love the Max kinda Animation. And I like stories and fables come true. The coolest part was an animated Angelina Jolie; Naked! Wow, thats a killer combo. I’m not going to share the plot or the story and spoil it for anyone. It’s a must watch, so go watch it. One thing for sure; it’s full “paisa vasool”

More; if and when I write next.