Helmet Pinched – Page 18 – Travel, Motor Bikes, Stories & More.

Happy birthday to me!

I don’t feel too different! Hmmm, should I be feeling any different? Don’t know; don’t care. I’m 25 now and I’ve outgrown another year. The world I live in isn’t as godforesaken as I thought it was. Its sweet sometimes and bitter the other times. I’ve learnt that for all the times I feel happy and content – there are gloomy days waiting to be explored. Thats one of gods unsolveable puzzles and no math; no mind can solve the co-relation between joy and grief! I for one, have learnt some very important lessons throughout chapter 24 and I’m going to forget the last 2 years of my life. They have been amazingly joyous at times and killingly painful on other occasions. My gig hence on is going to be limited to include only me and I’m going to make matter out of whatever abstract, invisible rather light sets of beauty I have left around me! Did that make sense to anyone? Uhm, I’m going to make ME matter! I’m important and I’m nice. I’m not what others think of me. I am what I make out of me. I’m going to live life – Mt. Everest size.

I turned 25 yesterday – 3rd July 2008. The celebrations were little but very satisfying. I sang my heart out and I felt good about it. All thanks to Ajay though. He gave me the push I required to walk up and sing. The whole thing was amazing. I’d start off with these pictures:

We visited the beach. It was one of the most satisfying birthdays I’ve ever had cause I sang for myself and I sang the song I love a lot. Ajay arranged it all up with the help of his DJ friend at the beach. He sang a few songs too, which ruled as usual and he then went on to tell everyone present that it was my birthday and that I’d be singing next. Good, I got everyone’s attention and I begin with telling everyone about how naive I am to Karaoke singing and that I’m no good at it; thats when I noticed that people were really supportive of Karaoke and that they wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t as good as Ajay. So sing I did… and it was awesome! Ajay proceeded to sing some more songs and Hemant gave him company with beer. So, overall, a very good way to end my special day and it was very fulfilling. Thanks once again to Ajay and Hemant for being there.

I’m going to Pune tomorrow. Driving down with Fahd and I’m fairly excited about going home. I’m still creeped out about going back, but then, its ok I guess. Its better to face your fears than run away. So, I’d be there upto the 9th and I guess I deserve this break. I wouldn’t be around till then. I’m driving in the rain, so other things are possible too *winks* The ringing of the division bell has begun.

This is a dedication to myself:

Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun

Along the Long Road and on down the Causeway
Do they still meet there by the Cut

There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
Running before time took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The nights of wonder

Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide

At a higher altitude with flag unfurled
We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world

Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There’s a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road we’ve been so many times

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river

Forever and ever

-Anup

What do you want from me?

So what do you want from me? Here, me (I) is a collective reference to us men and you is a collective reference to the context – women!

I’ll repeat the question again, just for kicks and so that there is no confusion: What do you want from me? What is it that you need? What makes you happy? Is it love that you need or space is what will fulfill your ever growing desire to be more like us? What do you mean by freedom? What is it that you need independance from? Where do you want to go? What do you want? If you can’t tell me about what you want from me, at least tell me what is it that you want? I’ll help, I’m sure I will. Mostly because I need you and you are irreplaceable. You cannot be subtituted for anything. I’ll do anything that’d make you happy. It’d stay like that forever. I will do anything within my power to make sure that you get what you want. I am supposed to take care of you. I feel you’re tender and that you need to be protected; does that make me a bad person? Does it put me in the gathering of losers you’d call MCP’s? Male chauvinist pigs? How am I a chauvinist when all I do is love you? I’m worried about your cause! Why? Why do you feel the need to reach “shoulder to shoulder” with me? Don’t you understand or is it that you’re blind to not see that you’re way above like you’ve always been? Or is it just that you’re scared to agree that you need live upto the powers given to you!? Do you find it difficult to accept that you’re a woman? You’re the reason my heart beats! Troubles you ehh?

I was talking to Pooja 10 days ago when I was at Ajay’s and she began her conversation like this, “Hi Anup! How are you? Are you still the same old sexist bastard?” What I think about women and what most good men think about them is as I’ve mentioned above. I think of you as a precious flower. I describe you as being tender, calm and beautiful. You’re fragrance and your voice; they rule my life. What I don’t understand is about your apathy towards what I feel for you! I’ve always wanted to write about this and I always avoided it cause I was worried about how it’d affect your sentiments, but I’m not worried anymore – I need to know. For fucks sake, what is it that you want?

I’m insensitive if I walk away and don’t listen to you. I’m not loving if I don’t buy you expensive goods. I’m not a good companion if I don’t display my affection. I don’t understand you and your ambitions if I ask you to stick with me. The other way around – I am intrusive if I ask you a lot of questions. I’m being fake and I’m hiding something if I buy you expensive gifts. I’m being horny if I display my affection. I don’t care about you and I’m not worried about missing you if I ask you to carry on with your career. I cannot expect anything from you; that’d make me demanding. And finally, you’d consider me to be a good companion only if I be able to share you with your friends and mine? How does this justify anything? What is all this?

What the fuck is wrong with you’ll huh?! To begin with, I’m not a sexist bastard. Infact, I’m nowhere close. I’m just a confused soul who happened to meet a few women who turned out to be animals I couldn’t care for! Ohh yes, most of you’ll would ask me to save this crap for a mammal that cares. Well, I’m a mammal that cares and I’d like to make myself clear about what I feel. TRY and understand the world around you. The world around you is something YOU made out of it. You procreated. You have been given the power, ohh yes, the biological weapon to create more like you and me! Now, isn’t that what god does too? So how is it that you don’t see where you stand? How and why would you want to lower yourself down to where I am? I am way below you, why don’t you see? I look up to you for almost everything I need. You’re the mother, the sister, the wife, the daughter and everything else. You run my life. What more do you want? I don’t understand.

Now I know that this question would probably have been put up by a lot of scholars and answers are still being sought, but I’d like to voice in my own thoughts here, just to let you’ll know that your presence in my life is something I cannot do without. My love for you cannot be quantified. You and me can never be equals. NEVER; forever! Do you read me? We are different. We have been made differently by our common creator and he/she surely had a reason for it. Sex, I assume. Whatever! But however hard you and I try, we cannot just be “human beings” we are two different sexes. Lets try and see simple things and not cry about what we don’t have. Don’t you see what you DO have? Now, I’m talking about a normal class of people and I talk to you as this friendly neighbourhood guy who is confused about your attempts to attain supreme power! I cannot comment on the countless women out there who are being tortured everyday and thats because I don’t have it in me to help them out. There are anomalies and opressive assaholistic men are all over the world. And I cannot better this world. I’m just talking to the class of people who might read this blog. Think about it – what do you guys want?

Yours confused,

-Anup

Lost for words.

My titles would probably seem like easy to predict cliches; just like my life. Its obvious that I’m following the Division Bell and I’m obsessed with the music and lyrics made by Pink Floyd. The truth is, I really am lost for words. I find myself beating around the bush when I write in my journal these days. I repeat the same conclusions over and over. I don’t understand myself and I get lost; lost for words.

A few people asked me about why I have not written anything in over 5 days, especially since I had loads of time on me and the weekend passed by too. I’ll admit that it wasn’t the deficiency of time or the will to type, it was just that I was trying to let a few days pass without having to live the never ending cycle of cliches that my life has become. I wouldn’t associate this just to the fortunate experience of losing love but also to the fact that; that grave, life altering encounter with love and women has since then made me hide from people and sometimes from my own self. I try to keep lying to myself that I’m happy and that I don’t need to worry about anything. Its like I wrote to Nids the other day, its difficult being like that. Why can’t I just be sad? Why is it that people have to mock my pain? Tell me that I need to be strong and all of that. Over and over again. They just want to see me happy – or so they say! I wonder how they don’t understand simple knot-theory. You cannot straighten a rope when it has knots. You cannot pretend the rope is straight by pulling it from both ends. You have to shrink it to whatever you can manage within your hands and then undo the knots. Thats when you can pull it to its maximum. Currently, I have a few knots in my life and I’m trying my level best to figure them out and make some good out of myself. I’ll end up suffering more if I push myself too hard. So, to all those people who don’t want to hear me – I’m sorry! I’ll manage.

Manra asked me the other day about why there was no mention about our visit to the 100 ft restaurant and all I could tell him was that there were too many beautiful things in my life and that all of them wouldn’t fit into the 500 MB of hosting I own. I decided to put that in this time though. Manra, thanks a lot for the Italian treat! I loved the starters, the paste and but of course the Mango juice. Its not surprizing that Manra hasn’t changed a lot. He’s still focussed and still adamant of his leadership ways. He has a pretty cut throat way of dealing with people while I have a more cheezy way. Anyway, we all have our own ways. Don’t worry too much Manra, you were a good commorade and a great team mate. We rocked and our names will be written in golden ink for all of DS history at CVG.

I watched a couple of movies recently. One of them was “Journey to the center of the earth” and I realized around a minute ago that I watched the wrong movie. I was supposed to watch the latest one but I watched some shit which wasn’t the real deal. Must go home and get my hands onto the real movie. I hate it when I crap it up with my movies! Sometime back I managed to watch “Aamir” nice movie. Gripping to the end. Sad that Mr. Khandelwal had to die; blown into smithereens. I also watched “The Ruins” uhh, what was that? Ohh and I nearly forgot… I watched “The forbidden kingdom” and “The incredible Hulk” over this weekend. The first one sucked. Common? Whats wrong with those folks? Jackie Chan and Jet-Li; ughhh! Who wins? HAD to be Jet-Li, but then nada, Jackie still manages to come through and finally relive with the Elixir of life. The chinky chick in it looked cute, thats just about it. The Hulk though was extremely entertaining. You know how it is with guys? We like creatures and we like creatures fighting each other and well overall, your typical New York-in-the-hands-of-monsters kinda movie and I liked it. Update: My current weight has dropped down to 83 and I’m proud of the way things are going! Peace out.

A harmony I’m in love with:

[audio:http://www.anup.org/audio/tune.mp3]

-Anup

Reckless monotony.

Life’s been a series of monotonous events since quite some time now. I’ve tried to keep it full of things to do and people to be with, but somehow, all of them seem to fall short and I keep going back to the monotony of my life. Drive to work, no-real-work, sulk, surf, waste time, gym, drive back home, computer, tv and the internet, sleep and REPEAT! I’m not sure why, but it ticks me off that I’m not doing something right. I don’t know where I’m going wrong. Am I overdoing the whole ‘running away from people’ thing? Not actually. I’m bored and thats better than feeling hurtful, hated and betrayed, watcha say?

Coming to what happened the other day – the drive from and to my house turned a bit too mechanical; I guess. I thought I knew the roads and I recently began speeding. Sometimes I was shocked when I looked at the speedometer and sometimes I tried to do things I would have otherwise not done. You feel alright with dirty driving when you’re alone, but the thing is, you might end up hurting someone else along with yourself when you’re reckless on the wheels of a pretty mean machine. Luckily though, in this case, I wasn’t a threat to others but instead, I nearly got myself killed in a freak accident a couple of days ago. The truck drivers cursed me for nearly 15 minutes and it turned ugly cause I had lost my left rear-view mirror 2 months ago and I was nearly going to lose this one. I mean, it wasn’t that bad, just an example of examplary driving skills; but then, the truck drivers nearly shit in their pants because of what I did or so it seemed from the look on their face. It wasn’t my fault, I’d say. I was driving at around 100 kmph (not a good idea when on Hosur road, Bangalore) and I quickly approached a huge truck and it wouldn’t budge. I continued at around 80 and decided to weave past it from the left. Thats when another huge truck on the left decided to weave right so that it could get onto the slow trucks lane. So if you’d imagine, I was stuck between two huge trucks and instead of breaking I sped right through them whizzing by at more tham 100 kmph and avoiding both of them. Because of my whizz through both the drivers lost track of where they were and did not spot each other – CRACK!! and they kissed, the trucks that is. Luckily, the one on the right was a fuckin’ snail and all that happened was that the three of us stopped with a screech of our brakes and both the truck drivers then proceeded to abuse me. I looked at them, waved sorry and sped off. Man, when I think of it now… somehow if I was at 80kmph and not a 100, I’d have been crushed for sure! Sent shivers down my spine then and well, it still scares me, the thought of me dying such a miserable death. I must be more careful or if death is what I want, I should wait and clear my debts before I be more reckless. My dad shouldn’t suffer for the vicious circle I’ve put myself in!

Fuck that! I’m going to forget it very soon and I’ll continue being reckless. Driving fast is fun and yeah, for a few seconds I felt a rush and I totally loved it. I’m working out harder at the gym and eating to my diet plan and I feel good on the insides. I take a jog for 20 minutes straight without a stop. A break for about 50 seconds and some water later, I hope onto the cycle and do a quickfire 5 minutes of cycling which burns around 60 calories. I then get back on the threadmill and hit another 40 minutes of brisk walking at an incline. Follow this up with some twists and around 80 odd crunches. I think I burn more than 1000 calories per day. I’m impressed with how much I can do when I really want to do! I’ve been stuck to Pink Floyd like crazy and I can’t stop listening to Gilmour and his guitar. I know! Addictive, isn’t he? Its a different kinda high. A healthy, safe one. Its my mallu birthday today. According to the mallu calendar that is. I’ve never understood how it works though. My birthday is fast approaching and somehow, I feel its going to be lame this time. I’m going home on the 5th along with Fahd. Planning to drive home and return on the 9th in a bus. Well, thats it for now.

My new favourite song:

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can’t keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted Just an earth-bound misfit, I
Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone
A sole intension that’s learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Can’t keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night
There’s no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, A state of bliss
Can’t keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

-Anup

Influences.

Lots of things influence us and the road we walk on… everyday. Some of these influences are good and the others are bad, some come rapidly and retire quickly, the others slowly stem from us and they seem to stick and influence our lives for a longer period of time. They’d stay till something far more influential would come sweep us away.

I’ve had loads of things that have influenced my fight with life and destiny, but I’d choose to talk only about the cream here. I’m not including family and friends here as “influences” because I believe that they are a part of me and uhm, they too are influenced by these influential people; somehow! Following are some of the most influential people in my life as of today:

The Barnicle! (Barney Stinson or Neil Patrick Harris)

Ahh well, how can you not idolise this guy? Minus his self-righteous sexual needs of course! But then, somehow; if you remove that, Barney would end up being just another tedded up you and me! Ohh yes, Ted is kinda lame and I love using him as a verb. Anyway, coming back to this LEGEN…wait for it, and I hope you’re not lactose-intolerant because the second half of this word is…DARY, guy – he’s an epitome of awesomeness! Yes, thats right! He’s my new role model when it comes to living life and counting every second of it to 666 to the power of 666, you know what I mean, ha?! Its from him that I learnt that the easiest way to live life is to follow one of his simple rules, “When I feel sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead, true story!” He’d say that with that smile. It’d brighten up a dead mans day I tell you. Barney – you rule! Some of his awesomeness:

“You dumped a porn star?? friendship over. FRIENDSHIP OVER!!!”
“You are dangerous maverick,Your ego is writing cheques tht ur body cant cash”
“Daddy’s home!”
“…because the next step is PURG-wait-for-it… keep waiting… keep waiting till eternityATORY”

Moving on, I’d like to mention two people at the same time. Now, I’m too small to even talk about them, but then legends would always influence your life either today or tomorrow. There’s no stopping them from entering your ears, eyes and brains. They’d rule over your musical neurons and there is nothing you can do. Here are a few of the people who musically move my life:

Roger Waters

I can’t talk much about the man, cause like I said, his musical genius is something I can only be in awe for. I’ve got a snip from Wiki – “George Roger Waters (born 6 September 1943) is an English rock musician; singer, bass guitarist, guitarist, songwriter, and composer. He is best known for his 1965–1985 career with the band Pink Floyd; he was credited as their main songwriter (after the departure of Syd Barrett), bass player and one of their lead vocalists (along with David Gilmour and, to a lesser extent, Richard Wright)” Simply put, his music along with the way he’d play the guitar is devine and I can’t stop listening to him perform!

David Gilmour

Again, this is one guy who can bring music to life. I have very little to talk about him cause he’s awesome! For those who might not know him, here’s a snip from Wiki “David Jon Gilmour CBE (born March 6, 1946) [1] is an English musician best known as the lead guitarist, one of the primary singers, and one of the main songwriters (with Roger Waters) in the band Pink Floyd. In addition to his work with Pink Floyd, Gilmour has also worked as a record producer for a variety of famous artists. Gilmour has been actively involved with many charity organisations over the course of his career.”

These two are important because I love the music they’ve created and somehow, though they did not appeal to me initially, they called out to me and I haven’t been able to stop myself from listening to them over and over again. Pink Floyd drifts me into a world where I’d float around the strings they pull and of course, the lyrics and words which mean so much to me! Thanks to my so called friend who introduced me to them!

Aaron Lewis

Aaron Lewis, (born April 13, 1972 in Rutland, Vermont, U.S.), is the lead vocalist and rhythm guitarist of the alternative metal group Staind. Though they’d call it metal, for me, it doesn’t sound metal-ish! Its more like grunge rock. Aaron has written some lyrics for songs like Outside, Epiphany, Its been a while and a few other songs. I can’t really explain what his words mean to me, but his words and his music influence my life a lot. Rock on!

Uhm, thats it for my list of people who influence my life. These are external variables, but there are very few who work on the inside and most of them are constants. No variables whatsoever. Somehow, I feel that talking about constants is futile and a waste of my time. Mostly because they are there to stay and I can’t do much about them! I can’t thank them and I wont. Peace out.

-Anup