Dubai – Hyderabad – Dubai

I think I have thrown in a little something about my stay in Hyderabad in one of my previous posts and like I said then, that deserved a write up in itself about how; for loves sake did I reach Hyderabad of all places?! Well, I don’t have a clue to date because leaving Dubai was never meant to be. These are not my words but my sisters curse. Sneha kept telling me that I was going to get back to Dubai sooner than I thought and I always laughed off her childish thoughts about how she and I are meant to be close by or so says the lame ass palmist from Kerala, some shit. I know, I know; thanks a lot for all  your good luck Shruti! You’re the reason I’m here *winks*

So, news from this part of town is about me getting my ass back here. I was away for around 10 months I think and I got called back by the desert that reaps money. I can vouch for that one – the money part that is. Tax-free money is something that every Indian wants to brag about but here is where I really feel the pinch missing, you know? The pinch that pains bad – TAXES! Yikes, I get the shizzles by its mere thought. A little birdie told me that my manager thought that I was worth the trouble and did his best to get me hired on a full time basis. No more contracts babey!! Now that is something to be real proud of; having a full time job in a semi government organization in Dubai. Its w00t.

Can’t stop thinking of the time between the end of 2010 up to around first quarter of 2011 when everything in my life was unstable as hell. I was on a contractual job if I haven’t mentioned before. Not the kind of a contract where you know when you’ll be without a job. This is the kind of contract that keeps you hanging – you never know! I never knew when the contract would end and when I’d be body shopped out of my organization onto the contractors bench and thereby fired duly over a period of time and over months of unrest which would have surely originated from my side. The restless person that I am – I won’t let you live till you give me an answer and once you give me a negative one I’ll haunt you every now and then. Lol, no. Seriously, I’m a stupid fool who’d accept anything with that dumb look on your face, you know? The one that says, “Hey! I deserve this, but its fine if you don’t give it to me” Fucktard.

Finally, somewhere around March 2011 they decided to let us go and in stepped TCS who offered to take me into its ample bosom and feed me with all the laziness it had to offer. I can swear that it is the organization for anyone who wants to lead a live-eat-die life. Its that awesome. You get in and you retire in lets say 30 years sometimes without knowing about what the fuck just happened. You absolutely don’t need to know anything about anything and you don’t need to give a rats ass in order to survive there. I don’t say it just for the heck of it – its heavenly safe once you get in and if you are really someone who has decided to stay there is nothing that will stop you from growing. Highly recommended for the content masses, you know? So, I worked from TCS, Hyderabad for around 10 months for the very same project in pretty much the same role but with a better designation. I really don’t know where those days went and I really don’t want to talk about the filth that I got myself into as far as living in Hyderabad is concerned.

As far as Hyderabad is concerned – it’s a good city so to say in regards with the crowds on the road, the mobs who want to know what’s happening with you and of course the policemen who want to loot you for everything they see but what went wrong with me was the place or the area that I chose to stay. I knew nothing and I made a big big mistake. I took up a house in a place called Miyapur which I learnt later was the scum of the city. It sucked so bad that we literally had to keep the glasses of our car up as we drove by into our apartment. Why? The entire road that lead to our apartment turned into a big open sewage transit passageway within 3 months of us moving in. Now that’s the kind of shit that you need when you’re really talking about shit! Blah, it was disgusting. I was scared of contracting a bad disease over the time but luckily I survived and my ex-current boss decided to call me back! Phew, some escape.

I landed in Dubai on the 26th of Feb 2012 much to the delight of Sneha who is vacationing in India as we speak. Yo, good for you girl! I miss India already. Man, am I going to change or what? You know the thing about me? It’s the thing there I am never quite content. Now sometimes I think of it as a positive attitude; its like a drive in you to keep wanting more just so that you grow in life and keeping demanding more from life. In my case however, I run after what I don’t have and forget to enjoy what I have which I’m sure is a lot better than what I could have ever imagined it to be. I try my best but I always find the grass greener on the other side and I try my best to get to that side only to want to go to another side the moment I reach there. Annoying!

Its been smooth riding thus far in Dubai. I managed to get Shruti over and we have since then gone on to get a cozy little flat and fill it up with stuff. We splurged a ton of dirhams which I did not really have but that’s ok cause I hope it ties me down for a while. I suddenly feel this urge to relocate to Bangalore. Guess I won’t cause I’m sure that somebody gonna get a hurt real bad if somebody moves once again leaving behind all of someone else’s belongings to no one, heh! There’s a lot more to talk about but I guess I’d shut up for today. More in next… now since I am pretty sure that the audience should have gone down considerably!

-Anup

Alive and kicking.

I’ve been idling at my blog for the past three to four hours roughly thinking about where I need to start from. If you’ll noticed; I recently changed the blog’s theme and it was hated upon vociferously by Shruti. I still kept it for a while to see if I’d grow into it but nope, it just did not do it for me the way ADSimple does. The current theme that is. Its simple, nice and most importantly – red. I like the way it looks and feels and how it is easy to everyone’s eye. I’m not sure about what the masses feel about it but I felt much better the moment I changed it back to what it was.

As to why I’ve been invisible.. uhm, from what I have understood of myself it seems as though I need to feed upon pain and sorrow to come up with text that make a mark. Else, all that gargles out of me is nothing but bullshit! And I mean it – I just can’t seem to come up with the “happy stuff” you know? In fact, the moment I start sounding happy; by content or even if I type with a smile, the text just seems to bore themselves away and I end up staring at a blank notepad or sometimes my own self in the mirror. Wawwww!! I’m not kidding. Sometimes, I’m just a bore snore. I don’t quite want to say this in an open forum, but whatever is fine. Guess I need to get it out in order to attain some clarity about myself, you know?

What do I mean by a Happy blog? Check this out – http://sayesha.blogspot.com. Now here is a person who can really write happy stuff. Things that make her happy and words that make everyone who read it happy. Every post on her blog brings a smile to my face (Meh, me grumpy me) and I can’t stop wondering about how someone gets to be the way she is! I have been a silent follower of her blog for a couple of years now I think and there hasn’t been a single entry which put me down or made me feel sad or thoughtful. Every post is so light, happy and easy to relate to. Her story telling capabilities are without doubt exceptional and I hope she writes a fun book or something or maybe get her blog converted into a book. I’ve known of someone who has done that and it was pretty good. Not a chart buster but good nevertheless. Smikh introduced me to Sayesha’s and I just had to throw in a shout out to tell her that she’s one of the most inspiring people I know on the web. Cheers.

That being said – I hope for this entry to help get back to where I actually belong – words, texts, sentences and everything to do with narration and story telling. Hehe, yes, I always think of my life to be full of stories.

-Anup

…at home; at peace.

I haven’t felt like this in a while; I haven’t been feeling the need to write, sometimes I’d try and fail and some other times words would just pause. On most ocassions, however, I’d just be busy playing Uncharted 2 or fighting with Shruti about me wanting to play more! Its not like she wanted to watch the TV but then she’d just throw a tantrum to get me out of the transfixed state that I was in whilst playing that game. I haven’t ever spoken about my most recent addiction and thats how stuck I was with it.

Uncharted 2 multiplayer was a world in its own and Anup Menon alias RyukDG was a skin running around with an AK-47, a 9.2 FS pistol and an MK-NDI grenade. It threw me (once again) into a virtual world where I was surrounded by gun nuts and random screamy kids addicted to the power boost that an online game provides. I hope this justifies my absence from the blogospere. Sadly, as far as I have noticed a lot of regular bloggers have given up and moved on with life and more. I just hope that they all come back and I make time for following up on my blogroll.

I am not going to talk much about my addiction to the Playstation 3 because its a pointless discussion which may or may not interest the masses and for those who really want to discuss games and the console; feel free to email in – I’d love to talk about it *winks* I’m sure Shruti would be reading this sometime and the PS3 is the last thing that she’d want to read about. So, I’ll move on to greener pastures and may eventually discuss the happenings in my life over the past couple of years.

As I read up on my posts between 2009 and 2010; I realized that most of the posts were just not me. I wrote, sometimes out of sheer boredom and sometimes since I had people breathing down my neck to write a few lines. Forcing myself to write has never worked in my favour and never will. I am more of a heart guy and all that I notate needs to flow. Thinking while I write never helps and those posts (between the dates I mentioned) are astoundingly pathetic. This was the phase in my life where I had just landed in Dubai and had just met the girl I’d marry. I was busy with too many things and writing never seemed to come to me. Thus, a lot of pushy posts. I am hoping to start fresh; probably try to re-design the whole blog and archive all the posts before this date. I still haven’t planned on how to do it because its been a few months since I tweaked wordpress and I really don’t like messing up this place. It does have a lot of fond memories and I hate losing data – be it good or bad.

So why now? Well, I have ended my 2 year stint at Dubai and have come back to my motherland. I was a patriot from the time I remember but never have I missed my country so much. The fragrances, the stench, the pollution, the numerous languages, the fighting adults and the crying kids, all the chirping birds and the barking dogs; all of it is still sinking in to me it feels like I am floating. There is around 2 years worth information that has gone by and I will re-post with a rundown on the dreamy little year that I have shared with my patient better half, thus far. “Which year?” she’ll probably ask. Time has flown by and the both of us find it hard to believe that we have already been together for a year. I will follow up with more on that;  but for now, a big Hi! to all those who grace by this place and I hope that you’ll are doing well. I’m sorry for not being around and I am hoping that I’d be seen more in the years to come.

I’ll end with this – In an utopian world I am the happiest man alive!

-Anup

The lull

“Don’t let the lull fool you!” Its deceptive and its like the calm before a tsunami. This has been proven to be true in my case time and again. There are days like today where work flows like a rivulet and you think about engaging in activities like reading off of a few blogs, reading the newspaper online (yes, I do that sometimes), reading reviews on the new games that have been released and everything else that you can find online APART from work! Define rivulet: a small stream. But like I said, you have been deceived by the lull. Its just breathing space and nothing more. Its just like a tiny oasis amongst long stretches of barren lifeless deserts (like it is here, in Dubai!) It gets over before you know it and you’re out there again; fighting against problems, tackling roadblocks, being roadblocks, arguing with people who are much below your level of likeliness, yelling, going completely against your demeanor, scratching your head, googling, staring into nothingness while you carelessly dig your nose thinking about “stuff” amongst all the other things you’d probably be doing at work. Define raging river: a crazy violent river. Its all in a days work and no, digging your nose is perfectly alright. Just don’t eat it! There are people and there is youtube.

Rants apart, I caught myself in that moment of lull and I thought I’d write a few lines. Its not always when I feel like doing this. Not anymore at least. I assure all my avid readers and fans that its not that I don’t want to write. Its just that I’ve been busy off late and by the time I get home, all I want to do is fall on the XXL sized bean bag and think about nothing. Its another thing that I don’t get a lot of opportunity to do that *winks* Work never seems to end for me and Hamid always comes up with new things that I might want to do or could possibly include into my already hectic and never-ending schedule. Now, its another thing that there is a part of me who enjoys every bit of the work he does but there is also a part of me who’d want to return to his days in HP where he had very little to do, had to hardly go to work (work from home with a good pay was an option then) and is hardly responsible for anything that happens. Ahhh! Those were the days where I earned without so much as twitching my nose. Things are different now. I am responsible for tasks and activities which can be done by no one but me. I work with someone who is worth all the respect. The learning curve that I have here seems like a very long one. The hyperbola does not seem to end and its annoying me now! I’d like some peace, you know? I really want to sit down and have enough time on me to note down things on my mind and I need to do it at least once a week. But then, its been a roller coaster ride for me thus far and time has moved very quickly from the time I’ve reached Dubai. I sometimes can’t believe that I’ve completed 13 months here. For me, everything seems like it happened yesterday. XYZ company called, interview was done, they offered me a job, I turned into a fool and came here! See the pun there? No? Uhm, well, I’m a bit grungy and I promise to get better.

This post is dedicated to some marvelous art work by my partner-in-life, Shruti. she and I claim no rights to the below image because this is not a figment of her imagination. She managed to get all the emotions on his face right and she got the smudges to be just perfect. I hardly ever knew about this side of her. But like they say, marriage is a slow learning process and the slower it is, the better it is for you! I’m putting up a few of her sketches and I think they are all stake-sauce!

Shruti’s Gallery part 1:

I’ve added a ‘part 1’ to this because I’m sure that there’d be more to come from the pencil she’s wielding these days. Yes, wielding… you’re a show off, you know? Anyway, people who might appreciate work like this please drop a comment. I’ll be posting more later. Topics of discussion – my new PS3, my new PS3 and ahhh yes of course, my new PS3. Not to forget… my reviews on games like God of war 3 and Uncharted 2. Ohh man! You have to play Uncharted 2. If you’re somebody who likes gaming then this is THAT game for which you MUST buy a PS3. Its that awesome. Not only is its in-game storyline that is fantabulous but the online multiplayer version will knock your balls off! But then, like I said, more about that later. Finally, signing off with one of my picks of the week (music):

Hosanna – Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya; simply Rahman!

Peace out folks.

-Anup

Blank

That’s what and how I feel when I stare at my blog. I swear to god that I’ve been staring at my journal throughout the day today and I came up with uhm, Blank! Its not that I don’t have things happening in my life. That is so not right. In fact, I have had more things happen over the past year or so. It’s not that I did not want to write and it’s certainly not that I really wanted to give up but then I don’t quite know what to do. I wouldn’t go so far as to call this a ‘writers block’ because I’ve realized off late that I’m not a ‘writer’ In fact, every now and then I feel that I’m pretty much – nothing. Every time I begin working on something; something else catches my attention and I run after it for a while and after some more time you’d find me doing the funky chicken dance! Wasting time and avoiding work has become passé’ and not a day goes by when I don’t hate myself for the utter lack of interest I show towards my life and hers!

We should be out taking a walk, you know? As promised before leaving work. We should have had a subway sandwich or a salad but instead, I get lazy and we order Chinese. It was so yum!! It’s not like I love Chinese but then there’s Delhi Darbar and there’s Indian Chinese. Tastes like Christmas in your mouth. So, yeah, I couldn’t help myself and there goes another lethargic evening. Most evenings are spent watching movies on YouTube or just about googling aimlessly. Sometimes, I try harder at writing and end up failing miserably. To be frank, I don’t quite remember the days when I could write effortlessly, the days where my fingers were in complete sync with my brains and with what I felt. I’m not sure about how I should feel – happy for not needing the world wide web to talk or disappointed for having given up on something I thought I did alright – write!

More than anything, I think its the changes that have come to my life over the past year. Love has come my way, opportunities have come in plenty and work has been as busy as can be. Garnish it with my lazy ass self and there you have my life as it is now ! Its a truck load of fun mind you. I do miss writing though and there are days where I wish I could write a line. “Just a line would do maybe?” I think to myself. This is the best that I could do. Thought I’d put in a little update to remind all of you’ll that I’m still around and I hope to linger more often!

Signing off with this – for now life is blissful in Dubai. I do have the occasional hiccups every now and then; work and wife included. Its a new thing – marital life that! But more on that later. My stay at Dubai might end abruptly if I get what I want. I need a break, a new opportunity. I need a crack at something more exciting and something which has a better brand value. I need to move. What I need now is stability, learning and better opportunities. Wish me luck.

-Anup

Peace and music

My prolonged absence from this space is unforgivable and I apologize for being negligent. Thank you Shruti, Abhi, Smikh, Sneha, Mom and all of you’ll who kept reminding me about writing and how I must not give up on one of the only activities I am good at; or so you’ll said. I’m not quite sure though. Cause overall, I’ve noticed an alarming drop in my quality of work over the past few months. I’m really not sure about what’s wrong with me or maybe what’s right with me… hmm, mostly right! The obvious change here being Shruti. Fact is, I am happy. Very very happy. I’d like to express my happiness but don’t all of us have that phase in our lives where we are happier than we have ever been and are too lost in it to be able to express it? I’m not quite sure if anyone gets what I feel but that’s pretty much how it is for me right now and I’m loving it!

Shruti feels that I write only when I’m sad. I’m not sure about how true this would be but what she said is not without some truth. I thought about what she said and it seems to be true. Abhi, haven’t we discussed about this once? Somehow, all my stories, all that I’ve written and my poems is the juxtaposition of contrasting feelings which seem to have the same flavor – sadness. Point being, I’m not keeping sad anymore and that’s probably the reason I haven’t been able to type in much. My life has gone through some major changes over the past few months and I’m still trying to soak in the feelings and the people which time has given me. I keep reminding myself time and again that she who is the reason for my happiness has come from this very place and that I must be thankful to my blog for having given her to me. Again, I feel that this blog has served its purpose and life is all about your Karma’s. anup.org’s Karma was to find Shruti and bring her to me and trust me, there is a long and interesting story behind how she came here. Its crazy!!

So that’s where I stand now. I have been contemplating a complete systems shut down for this blog and yes, I am still thinking. My big ass dream of trying to complete what I began (my novel) seems to have gone for a toss and my want to write onto that word file may not be back for a while. Thinking about my past is something I avoid aggressively these days because I just don’t like being sad and my past inevitably makes me sad and nostalgic. I’m a sucker for nostalgia and I get lost in my past most often than not. Its not like it was a nightmare but it reminds me of people and their actions which forces me back into being sad and I don’t like being sad. No Shruti, I don’t. I love the food you cook; the dal you cooked today was outstanding, I love it that you wake up early for me, I love your haircut too! Seriously. Overall, I am one happy kid and therefore I am not sure about the fate of this place. What do you guys think? Should I leave it in peace and concentrate on life and music instead? Seems like a plan.

-Anup

Updates

Writing here and writing anywhere else for that matter has become near to impossible owing to the colossal changes happening in my life. I’m making a structural change too and I’m pretty excited about it. The infrastructure in Mr. Menons life is going to be sharpened with new overdrives, sidewalks and boulevards being made. I’ve been negligent and there have been days when I’ve stared for hours at my word file with no productive content. It’s no writers block, I feel. It’s more to do with the fact that my life is going to change drastically from Sunday the 20th of September and I spend my time these days pondering upon the implications of such a change. Therefore, it was bound to happen! These questions in my mind were bound to reach this virtual journal. There are a few other updates to include as well. Guess it’s been some time since I posted an update. What if people want to know about me and about things happening to me? Or maybe they already know but want to read anyway. Abhi is one of them. The ever knowing guy, he likes to read about things he already knows. So, here goes…

Anup in Dubai:
From my previous write-ups; I’m sure it’s evident that I’m not a big fan of Dubai and about how much I miss my motherland, Pune especially. I miss Pune a lot and I don’t know why. I was happy when I was in Bangalore and never actually wanted to go back to Pune even though it had all my peeps. But then, these days I miss Pune profusely and all my love for the Marathi language keeps ogling out. Probably because I thought Pune had all these memories that I despised and the ghosts of my past that I kept running away from. Point to note though; the answer to all those fears were also in Pune. Most, if not all, of my friends are in Pune. Or let me put it this way – people who really love me are in Pune and I think I’ve wanted to go back ever since I went to Bangalore but then things happened and I’m not too proud about it. Every time Ajay or Chetan mentioned about going back to Pune it’d burn me a bit because uhm, these people were the only people I had in Bangalore and I did not want them to leave. So I secretly thought about reaching Pune before they did because for sure, I know that one fine day, that’s where they’ll be! There is something about Maharashtra and its people that I agree was non-existent in Bangalore. Now this is probably because of my love for the language Marathi, which in its ‘rudra’ form can get real nasty. Why this now? Well, I like Marathi movies courtesy Abhijit A. Shedge. I watched “Aga bai Arechya” again yesterday after listening to a couple of its songs. Namely, “Man Udhaana Vaaryachi” and “Malhaar Vaari” Those songs touch me where Malayalam just can’t! I am a Malayali but then, I’ve been in Maharashtra for over 24 years and therefore I belong to it. Jai Maharashtra!

Dubai has been very rewarding thus far and I feel thankful to god for having given me this opportunity. I have earned a few to-be friends. As in, people I like and people who seem to like me and people I think will be my friends. Maybe, somewhere down the line. I’m not quite sure. I’m crazy like that. Being friends with people isn’t an easy thing for me to do. Friendship isn’t the mere hi-hello’s right? It’s more than that? I’ve had a roomie here for over 3 months now and the very fact that I’m still with him suggests that he’s alright. Even though he seems to talk a lot for his age, you know? He’s a young kid who has gained a lot at a plum age and therefore his adrenaline pumps every time he talks to the elders (us) and he feels proud about where he is now. And he must! I don’t see a problem with that. The problem is with words that seem to bother people. I’m pretty alright because I give it right back but then, he needs to be careful. Apart from him there are a few people at work I talk to and things seem to be flowing alright for now. I do not want a lot of changes for now because what I’d need here on is stability. I can’t afford a lot of mistakes or misfortunes and I’m heavily relying on mom and her prayers! The work culture in Dubai is something which I’m not used to. It worries me sometimes but there is little I can do about it. We have two sections (or more) of people here; two sections that I know of, the full time employees and the contractors or consultants so to say. Nuff said, FTEs have HR and the consultants don’t and of course there is this huge discrepancy in the money they earn for uhm, pretty much the same kinda work being done. It’s very common for people to be exploited here and you have to be careful when you sign up. This is something I have known from word of mouth and from personal experience. I guess it’s alright to talk about it since I’m not taking names. Add to that, sometimes, you really got to cut back on your ego to survive here. Keep your dignity alive but well, yes; lose out on your ego if you want to keep hanging on! Its tax free money for love’s sake! Apart from all this, Dubai is hot and exercising isn’t a possibility right now. This adds to me physically and I’m worried. I promise to do something about it when I return and I will post in with updates on that – WITHOUT FAIL! That’s that about being Anup in Dubai.

Professionally speaking:
I’ve landed on a goldmine! Alright now this bit is for those who know and understand my line of work. I’m sure it’ll be full of technical jargons the others might not care. The thing about me professionally is that I need a drive to work to my full potential and do well. An iota of motivation does wonders for me and I manage to amaze myself always. I was hired as a “Systems Administrator” or a “Microsoft Consultant” as on my offer letter. Now this is a very ambiguous title and it means that people like me who are specialty centric need to start working hard. I’ve been working on the Active Directory part of Microsoft Servers and that’s how it’s been for over 4 years! Now suddenly, I’m expected to know bits of almost all the Microsoft technologies available and this has evidently taken its toll on me. I currently am responsible for technologies like ISA, Citrix, Print services, User provisioning (Hell yeah!) and double it up since we have two such environments to take care of. Microsoft HMC also comes under us and that’s a complex thing right there for you. I also manage to interact a lot with the Incident/Problem/Change Management team and I am deeply involved with the day to day operations of a 3500 strong company. This involves a lot of procedures and paper work since the people here are very signature driven. Approvals are not online and you have to walk up to people, discuss changes, explain why it’s needed and then get them to sign. Its old school but very effective, I guess. I also get to interact a lot with the network operations and firewall management teams here thereby increasing my understanding of the way things work when it comes to systems security and infrastructure management from a security standpoint.

Simply put, there is a humongous amount of data that I’m currently gobbling in and that’s adding on to my pot belly! My head has always been big and it has been crowded since ever.  I have an information leak leading into my stomach; me thinks! More importantly, I work under a very able person who is my TL and I take him as my mentor in this field as of now. The guy is a genius when it comes to systems design, integration and troubleshooting. This was thoroughly unexpected. I’m not impressed so soon with anybody but this guy is different. I work part time as his PA and I don’t feel weird about it at all because of all the data that I get from him otherwise. He has given me a lot of opportunities already and trusts me with our systems. So yes, professionally I’m content and happy. I am expanding my horizons and soon, I’ll learn it all. I’d probably never be a visionary like my TL is but I’d sure pick up a few things from him which will help me grow and evolve into something more than a Systems Engineer. I’d slowly want to move towards the architectural line. I’d try and get into Customization and implementation sometime soon and be parts of projects. Once I have a few successful projects in my kitty I could move towards being what I want to end up as – A technical architect. I’d be frank here; I do not want to be a people manager. It’s not my best forte. I have issues with telling people what to do and what not to do. It’s not about lack of leadership skills. It’s just that I prefer doing my own stuff rather than depending on people for my success. You know how it is? I’d like to be as technically involved with my work as possible. Easier said than done, resting and settling down after reaching a particular post isn’t what we humans are made for. So, I don’t quite know. Things might change as I grow older. At least I hope they do. Cause all of my folks want to be “Managers” one fine day! I guess that’s final destination for all of us, right? In one way or the other, we humans want to be someone else’s boss! That’s how we prove ourselves our own worth. Heh, the gods must have been crazy to make creatures of our kind!

On the personal front:
Now here’s the real turn of events. A few months ago, the only thing I was worried about is if I still have leftovers in my newly bought fridge. I’d then buy some bread and eat it on my arrival from work. This was my biggest worry mind you! And out of nowhere *POOF* magic! She walks in. A comment here and a comment there, a smile here and a giggle there, some chats and many words! She changed it all and whispered all my problems away. It’s difficult to explain what she means to me now because we’re just starting it off and things have just sped by!

So, I asked her if she’d marry me. She hesitated a bit before which she said that she was dying to *winks* Bah, girls and all their dramas! Things have moved smooth and quick thereafter since the both of us put it across to our folks at home and got it all fixed up. I met her last month and yes, I’m getting engaged day after tomorrow – the 20th of September. It all seems like an unreal dream right now and I’m sure that everyone wouldn’t understand how anxious I am but I’m even more sure that she’s the one and yes, she’s going to be the heroine of this story. Here’s thanking chapter 26 of my life for letting her in and here’s thanking the internet and all the other environmental variables for bringing her to me! Well that’s it from my side for now. I have a flight to board in approximately 8 hours. I’m flying to Cochin and back during the Ramadan period. I wouldn’t be using a single day of approved leaves because we have a company declared leave of absence for the next 5 days! Peace out.

-Anup

Suspended animation – a state of bliss.

That playful ray of sunlight which escaped the window forced his eyes open as he lay there curled up behind her. He Rosedid not want to wake up but then the enchanting fragrance of fresh morning dew against the newly watered soil from yesterdays rain, her deep black hair that smelt like freshly bloomed lavender and her barenaked back which beckoned him to finger paint on it; seemed to lure him out of his bed and onto his feet.

He woke up, ever so gently; lest she be disturbed. It was a Sunday and he wanted her beautiful eyes to rest some more. He bent over and gazed at her lovingly. He felt like he had lived a life time in her closed eyelids, the tiny little curl of hair against her sufficiently large ears which he often made fun of and she breathing heavily against the pillow. He wanted so madly to hold on to those few seconds and just be there unto everness. He reached for her eyes and gave her a peck. She shifted a bit and he saw her smile. He stood at the window for a while breathing in all the fragrance he could soak up. He felt happy. It was a very long time since he felt the way he did then. Almost… content.

He flew her a kiss as he walked across the room and into the hall, switched on the music player and turned it on to some music. Ahhh! Coldplay, perfect. Music always made him happy. Tea was the next item on his small list and he decided to cook up that magical recipe. Three fourths boiled water, two tea bags, two table spoons of sugar and three table spoons of milk. All mixed in that order and a hint of all the love he had within him at that moment. She wasn’t a tea kinda person but then lately, she had taken to drinking tea. Mostly cause he made it that perfect and she could nearly taste him in it as she sipped slowly, carefully blowing into it.

She woke up in his shirt and to Lovers in Japan and silently walked into the kitchen drawn into him and ready to attach herself to this new found magnet of a guy! She hugged him from behind and whispered a love you as she laid a peck on his back. He poured the tea cups full with bubbled up tea. He needed the bubbles. Its like garnished food, you know? Tea is never complete without those bubbles he thought as he dragged her with him into the living room where she snuggled into him and continued with the trance like state she was in. He ran his hand in her hair lovingly and thought about his state of life. Suspended animation. He wrote down a few lines that came to his mind right then:

Love me; like you’ve never loved before.
Look into my eyes and set me free…
Be as mad as you can ever be,
In love with me from the sun to the sea.
Hold my hands and let me feel,
Your heart beat with me beneath.

Promise me that gorgeous smile,
With every passing mile,
Give me that healing touch,
And your reassuring voice just as much.
Let me lose myself in your voice,
Or give me a passionate hair smudge.

These lines are for you,
And whatever is in my heart,
Yes! That too.
All I have to offer is me and words,
Come be with me praandi;
We’ll worry about everything else afterwards!

Curtains fall!

-Anup

P.S: Dedicated to she who has walked in with a voice I just cant get enough of and a heart made just for me.

Happy feet!

Ok, now stop wondering about how and why I’ve posted in so quickly. I know thats its within a very short time span and thats not how I’ve been off late. I usually post in light years and I come up with stuff no one wants to read. Come to think of it now, I think I’ve lost my reader base (pfft, if I had any that is!) but then, what the hell, I was genuinely into other stuff, alright? Give the poor guy some air, will you? Anyway, so why all of a sudden and why am I happy? Well, I’m going to India baby! I’m going to MY country and I cannot put into words how jubilant I am. I know that its not more than 3 months since I left the place but its summer here in Dubai and its raining there in India. So… you see why I’m elated, no?

Here’s the thing – I’m going on a short visit and its because something very important has come my way. I will explore the reasons with everyone later but for now, its time for me to leave. Ohh, and yes, this blog is bound to contain bits and pieces of me time and again. I’m sorry Accha. This place is special and I feel like talking. Sometimes you feel like talking to the crowd and you want for all of them to listen to you intently and give you the time you deserve. What better means than a blog? So, I am going to continue writing and I’m sorry but there is little I can do to stop myself from writing here. I’ve been trying hard over the past few months and you dont quite know how suffocated I feel at times. This is my place, you know? I dont quite care if people read and chuckle at my expense. I’m happy if they’re happy. I’m a compassionate human being. Anything for smiles. I’ll be gone from 5th to 9th. To my loved ones – Pray for me.

Finally, my dearest Praandi,

Thanks for the magic! I’m coming…

-Anup

Musebox 26

As another chapter in my life comes to an end; well, not actually to an end but its a fresh new start to an already ongoing chapter which was full of a stagnant, smelly, pathetic excuse of an essential experience called love or so it seemed like a mirage on a hot summer day in deep deserts. What I’m talking about is the fact that I’m shifting base. Since I said I would talk about it before I leave. Here’s an official announcement – from the looks of it, I’d be travelling to this hot, mid eastern country called Dubai and I’m hoping to have a fresh new shot at life devoid of the ghosts of my past that seem to haunt me mercilessly. I’d be working as a Microsoft consultant for XYZ Ltd. and I’m praying for all this to NOT be a dream, if you know what I mean? Dates would remain unannounced for now but yes, I’d be moving out very soon and I’m excited.

I think I need to excogitate a sane way to make more friends and be more socially interactive. On a more seriously plausible note, I’d like to be more approachable and calm. Its a new place and its a golden opportunity to restart, a place where no one knows me and I know no one. Its going to be fun! This thought came to me as I mulled over a lazy afternoon full of activities that I was trying to avoid. For example, the moving guys came today and took away all of my beloved household items. This left my flat in a state of disarray. I was supposed to go sort things out and pack up the remaining bits and pieces but then I did not. I just stayed at home (at Radha aunty’s) and brooded on endlessly. Sometimes I hate my incorrigible mind. I try hard to control the rampant self-loathing bozo that I am but I have failed miserably and thats pushed me more and more into the corner. I wonder why I chagrin myself like this? Guess it’d be easier to just dig a hole and take cover. Wish I were a coward. Anyway, where is this pointless ramble going?

Musebox 26 is to discuss my achievements and losses over the last 1 and a half years; considering all of that to be part of the same legendary story that I have lived thus far, post Convergys. I thought I’d talk about my gains and my losses and the list is long. Therefore, I’ve come up with just one section of the entire agenda, which in itself is a mammoth task. I thought I’d discuss people. Yes, I am a feeble mind. Who gives a fuck about what you think anyway? I’ve always wanted to discuss the people in my life but I thought I’d let it wait and simmer. I will probably re-model it into the People section one fine day but for today I wish to talk about a few very influential people who have been substantially involved through most part of my previous chapter. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of them for their consistent efforts in bringing my life to the perfect harmony of untamed thoughts that it is, as of today. The big deal is, I’ve escaped the tornado with just a few bruises and cuts and its because of these people.

So the perennial glass half empty kinda guy that I am, let me talk about losses first. I’d like to dedicate the losses section to just two people. M & S. Now its unfortunate that I cannot name people in here but then, I’m sure they’d know if they ever come by. I consider the both of you’ll to be one of the biggest loss’ I have ever experienced. Its been painful, full of remorse and traumatic. I could have never fathomed the possibility of you’ll not being in my life but then it is unfortunate that things ended the way they did and there is nothing in this world that cannot be forgiven. I’d like to make it very clear that I have absolutely no ill-feelings for the both of you’ll and that I wish you all sorts of success in your future together. My belief of people belonging together has been strengthened by whatever has happened over the past year and a half, especially the part involving the three of us. I understand that some things are just meant to be and there is no denying a loss in love. I accept your loss and I wish from the pit of my heart that I be able to move on. The way you’ll have, so easily and without discomfort. I’m in awe of your strong hearts and I sincerely hate those very few seconds where I wished I were like you’ll.

One a more positive note, I have achieved a lot over the last year and a half (now I know that I’ve repeated this a couple of times, but then, what else do I do? I need to emphasize my point here, kapiche?) I’d like to thank the following people in no specific order for the kindness and closeness they have shown and I’m thankful to the power who let me at you’ll. In no specific order:

Sneha: I know that family wasn’t to be involved but then, I hope you know that you are a friend to me just as well. Thanks for being a pillar and thanks for being there through another chapter in my life. I cannot thank you enough. You are one of the most reliable and consistent friends I have ever had and I could not have asked for a better sister. I repeat, thanks a lot.

Abhijit: Abhi, I’m sure you’d love this part; the limelight hogger that you are! I’ve always wanted to do this and I promise to get this done better sometime later next month. But for now, I’d like to say that you’ve been this endearing cushion of friendship, strength, patience and everything else that makes a perfect friend. I’m sure you are a friend to many but I’m glad that I find a spot in your list of wannabe Abhijit Shedge friends! I couldn’t have reached this far sanely without your help and phone calls which have been so consistent that sometimes I thought you were a robot full of love. A sincere suggestion for you though – stop being so fucking nice. Get a fucking life. *winks*

Muiz and Shaista: For the silent presence.

Sanket: For all your ignorance.

Nikhil, Chetan and Ratheesh: I’m sorry for clubbing you guys in together, but then all of you’ll have been of prime importance in the very same role and thats all that I’d be glorifying in this session of continuous nonsense. You’ll have been all ears to my story and listened when you did not need to. You’ve acted as shock absorbers and I couldn’t have survived those humps without you’ll. Chetan and Nikhil thanks for all the laughs and giggles.

Ajay: Thanks for making me sound ohh-so-awesome! Heh, as we discussed yesterday – your presence is irreplaceable. Shine on.

Ruch: You reappeared after a long gap of over 6 years but trust me, within 6 months, I’m sure we have covered up for all that lost time and space. I love every second that I talk to you and I love the crap we talk. You make me smile without any efforts and I dont need to think twice before talking to you. Thanks for all the ‘pings’ and thanks for not waiting to be ‘pinged’  ^5 and you rock… like a crazy mad girl should!

Smikh: There is little that I can say or talk about you cause you know, its difficult to share you *winks* but then, here’s a little piece of you that is for keeps and I feel humbled that I have you as my friend. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that you have been amongst my best friends cause I do not understand that concept. But then, I’d like to point out that you’re not one of my ‘special friends’ either. You are more than a friend and that will always remain that way.

Well, thats it with this horrendously long entry. Friendships divine. I sincerely hope things work out for me and I’m hopeful that all this wouldn’t burst open like a soap bubble. I’d like to conclude with the following line from “Smells like teen spirit – Nirvana”. This is for our small little gang from Convergys. This is especially for Abhi, M&S, Sanket and Muiz:

Our little group has always been…
And always will, until the end.

-Anup