Where I am is at a place in time where all I see around is a shit ton of negativity. Minuses I throw at myself, procrastination for every thing; big or small, utter lack of life or excitement and an appalling amount of deep lethargy. Now, this is either a disease or just me but I’m not waiting to find out. I know that blogs have had their time and that they have come and gone. I know that the time now is to Vlog and be out there on YouTube. I am thinking on similar lines but I thought I should begin at a place which I have maintained for far too long. I thought I should promise my home on the web and try to stick by it. I need to get better and give it my best shot. I don’t quite know where it began and how to get rid of it but all I know is that I need to fight myself and my strong will to REST!
I weighed myself in yesterday after a visit to the doctor who I was visiting to complain about how tired I feel and about the spot sleeping. He wasn’t surprised by what was happening to me. At an outrageous 100 kgs – you cannot blame the body if it wants to rest. You do this to yourself. You cause your nose to shut down in the night and make noises that wake up the dead ffs. You cause deep sleep unrests not only for yourself but also your family and all of this comes down with not-so-uncommon diseases like sleep apnea. Now what I have seems like a mild case not the ones where you literally choke and die but the mild ones which ruins your sleep and makes you sleepy throughout the day. This in turn makes you lazy and lethargic and adds on to your difficulties. This is a vicious circle which will never end unless you put that foot forward and take a walk.
So, I’ll come by, probably every week; just to keep a tab of myself here on my blog. I may post pictures if I feel like it but for now, I am living in such self pity that I don’t quite feel like posting one. Maybe later? My kid brother who got better is my guide this time and I’m going to start slow. There are a few things I need to cut down on. I don’t think I want to get rid of them fully because I’d love to game as a hobby. All I need to do is say good bye to it from an addiction perspective. An addiction like this; I feel, is something I can help myself with. My daughter has already helped me a bit cause she just won’t let me be but I guess I need to shut down the rest and invest that time into something more constructive. I need to help out Shruti too because getting a life into this world can take its toll on your body and she needs my help. Lets see how things go. What I need for now is a solid set of songs to go along as I take the walk.
Stats for now:
Weight: 100 KG – need I say more for stats? Fuck this!
-Anup