To the yearly rains – I miss you.

I finally convinced myself to shake off the rust that had crept onto my fingers over the last 3 odd weeks. I wasn’t trying to keep myself from writing; but just my usual bouts which did not allow me to hit the keys. Until now that is. I’ve wanted to write ever since I started experiencing power problems! Well, I’m human and every human being has a hole in his heart. We’d always want to talk about whats missing and whats not right. We’d always crib about what makes us uncomfortable and most of us are so used to comfort and leisure that the smallest nano-ounce of discomfort would trigger off a chain reaction which would then force us to ogle out a list of other related woes.

In my case, its the rains! Where the fuck are the clouds? Seriously Zeus; I know you’re a tyrannical god and you rule no hearts. But unfortunately, you rule the skies and you’re the rain god! Where are the rains? If you’re a god, you’d know how the rain makes us humans feel. Especially downright romantics such as myself. I know, I sound like a girl in pink – but do you care? Consider me to be one of those numerous nincompoops you need to provide the rains to. For various reasons, I’d say. We creatures here on earth need water for each and everything.  Our very existence depends on it. Its nearing the end of July and I don’t see it raining anywhere. I mean, what the hell are you waiting for? Give us your fury! Let it rain.

Simply put, the rainy season has arrived with little or no rain clouds and I’m worried about how we’d be able to survive if it continues like this. I need it to rain just like all of us. I wish to see a greener earth. I wish for there to be plenty of food next year. I hope that rain brings us more resources to suck on. The most important one in our case, electricity. Unlike the super powers, we here in developing countries still depend on water for most of our power related needs. So if there’s an upsurge in the demand of electricity, which I’m sure there is; and if its preceded by a monsoon with shortage of water, it’d turn out of to be an irony you can’t laugh at. The situation here in Bangalore is grim. There is no power for almost 3-4 hours a day. Also, what annoys me is the part where they do not declare the power cuts. Why can’t we be more civilized? Like Kerala maybe? There, they have been minimizing power usage since times immortal. 30 minutes of blackout everyday is something thats told to everyone and something thats followed religiously. No one minds it. Out here and over the last 2 weeks; we face power outages every 3-4 hours for like 30-40 minutes and it rips my patience off.

Finally, the main reason I miss the rains. I miss its beauty. I miss the drizzle and I miss the warmth it carries along with all its shivers. Its life I feel and its beautiful. The smell of rain on dry soil… mmm; one fragrance that man couldn’t capture yet. I miss the fragrance too. Its hardly rained! What the hell is going on? I just want it to rain. Apart from this everything is in place and I’m on top of the world. I haven’t been hitting the gym for over 2 weeks. Mostly because I thought my body needed some rest. I’ve kept the dieting tempo up though and have kept away from any fattening food. I’ll hit the gym pretty soon. There are other stories to talk about, but then, those worry me, so I won’t talk about it. Abhi, Muiz, Smikh and everyone else close to me is in line for beginning a new life with someone special. I feel that I’d be left alone. Not that I’m so full of people right now, but then I can at least think about these people now. A few months down the line, I’d be a loner for good. But then, what the fuck? I’ll deal with it too. My apathy towards loneliness keeps on increasing. Being alone doesn’t scare me anymore. Heh.

-Anup

Lost for words.

My titles would probably seem like easy to predict cliches; just like my life. Its obvious that I’m following the Division Bell and I’m obsessed with the music and lyrics made by Pink Floyd. The truth is, I really am lost for words. I find myself beating around the bush when I write in my journal these days. I repeat the same conclusions over and over. I don’t understand myself and I get lost; lost for words.

A few people asked me about why I have not written anything in over 5 days, especially since I had loads of time on me and the weekend passed by too. I’ll admit that it wasn’t the deficiency of time or the will to type, it was just that I was trying to let a few days pass without having to live the never ending cycle of cliches that my life has become. I wouldn’t associate this just to the fortunate experience of losing love but also to the fact that; that grave, life altering encounter with love and women has since then made me hide from people and sometimes from my own self. I try to keep lying to myself that I’m happy and that I don’t need to worry about anything. Its like I wrote to Nids the other day, its difficult being like that. Why can’t I just be sad? Why is it that people have to mock my pain? Tell me that I need to be strong and all of that. Over and over again. They just want to see me happy – or so they say! I wonder how they don’t understand simple knot-theory. You cannot straighten a rope when it has knots. You cannot pretend the rope is straight by pulling it from both ends. You have to shrink it to whatever you can manage within your hands and then undo the knots. Thats when you can pull it to its maximum. Currently, I have a few knots in my life and I’m trying my level best to figure them out and make some good out of myself. I’ll end up suffering more if I push myself too hard. So, to all those people who don’t want to hear me – I’m sorry! I’ll manage.

Manra asked me the other day about why there was no mention about our visit to the 100 ft restaurant and all I could tell him was that there were too many beautiful things in my life and that all of them wouldn’t fit into the 500 MB of hosting I own. I decided to put that in this time though. Manra, thanks a lot for the Italian treat! I loved the starters, the paste and but of course the Mango juice. Its not surprizing that Manra hasn’t changed a lot. He’s still focussed and still adamant of his leadership ways. He has a pretty cut throat way of dealing with people while I have a more cheezy way. Anyway, we all have our own ways. Don’t worry too much Manra, you were a good commorade and a great team mate. We rocked and our names will be written in golden ink for all of DS history at CVG.

I watched a couple of movies recently. One of them was “Journey to the center of the earth” and I realized around a minute ago Golden Sparrowthat I watched the wrong movie. I was supposed to watch the latest one but I watched some shit which wasn’t the real deal. Must go home and get my hands onto the real movie. I hate it when I crap it up with my movies! Sometime back I managed to watch “Aamir” nice movie. Gripping to the end. Sad that Mr. Khandelwal had to die; blown into smithereens. I also watched “The Ruins” uhh, what was that? Ohh and I nearly forgot… I watched “The forbidden kingdom” and “The incredible Hulk” over this weekend. The first one sucked. Common? Whats wrong with those folks? Jackie Chan and Jet-Li; ughhh! Who wins? HAD to be Jet-Li, but then nada, Jackie still manages to come through and finally relive with the Elixir of life. The chinky chick in it looked cute, thats just about it. The Hulk though was extremely entertaining. You know how it is with guys? We like creatures and we like creatures fighting each other and well overall, your typical New York-in-the-hands-of-monsters kinda movie and I liked it. Update: My current weight has dropped down to 83 and I’m proud of the way things are going! Peace out.

A harmony I’m in love with:

[audio:http://www.anup.org/audio/tune.mp3]

-Anup

Smooth sailing.

Hello!I’ve been lazy. My usual bouts of laziness that comes and goes. Like those days where I just don’t feel like typing. Plus, I thought; no one cares anyway. No one reads here anyway, so a few days worth gap wouldn’t matter much.

I thought I’d just walk by and say hello to anyone who might be following up here or reading the crap I type in. Abhi was here from 12th to the 15th and it was a lot of fun. Must say, HP and Bangalore would have been a 100 times better if he’d have been here. Time would have moved faster, I’d have laughed more and he’d have lost more weight than me and uhm, it’d have been fun! It sucked to see him leave.

I might decide to type in more about his trip and our outing to Nandi hills later. For now, I’m deadly bored. Peace out.

-Anup

Wrapping up the weekend.

I had a wet weekend like most of us in Bangalore did. I got wet on Saturday and thus Sunday I felt like staying at home and keeping myself warm. Well, thats precisely what I did. I went out on Saturday with Ratheesh and a friend for a movie – Indiana Jones? Pfft, why doesn’t Harrison ford die? I mean, I’m sure about him being one of the best actors of HIS time, but just like Richard Gere, he should take his charm and just go, you know? Somehow, for a person of his age, its really difficult to digest the fact that he’d want to continue doing Indiana Jones. As sucky as James Bond 007. The movie; I was able to bear up only because of the fact that it included a treasure and I love treasures and treasure hunting. Also, just like the movie National Treasure, this movie also had a REAL treasure. Like a city of gold that they’d find in the end afterall. I hate those movies where you’d get to know that it was all a hoax or some goverment conspiracy to trap and kill you. Bugs me when they don’t find the treasure. Anyway, I spent 200 Rs on Harrison Ford, blargh!

We went to M.G road after that and it wasn’t a fulfilling experience because it rained and the guys were sissies. They weren’t ready to get wet. The other guy with us cribbed about how he had wet his undies in the rickshaw and spent time in a trial room at Bangalore Central trying to dry it under a fan there. I thought that was lame, but it worked for him nevertheless and it made him less cranky. We bought some T-shirts and oogled at the not-so-good chicks who had come there. I wonder why we oogled, heh. Ratheesh has only a few more months left to oogle like this and thus he oogles all the time, but why us? Man, I really don’t need them for now, do I? Girls that is. I wonder if I haven’t had enough of that curse for the time being? Shouldn’t I be concentrating on other important things; like TV? Anyway, I did realize that and we headed home after some horrdendous food at Bangalore Central. The rickshaw rides all in all cost me 200 bucks and it completely pissed me off when I reached home. Hell! I wasn’t going to drive the car, so yeah, thats ok too.

Sunday, at home. Cleaned up. The maid came, she got the house all spick and spanky. Got my clothes all washed and dried. Watch some quality TV. Spent some quality time with the cousin. He watched TV and played game as I slept. Overall, very satisfying to have someone home. It does get boring once in a while to be alone. Why else do you think I type so much these days? I blog nearly every other day. Not that it ticks me off, but I just start worrying about what I’m doing with my life. Maybe I need a companion? Then I get scared. Maybe I don’t! Wow. Its confusing and the being-alone part really gets me jittery. I watched the finals of the IPL today and watched the Rajasthan Royals win. The win wasn’t convincing, but it was a win nevertheless and they had really played well throughout the tournament. Shane Warne seems like a good captain, but I’ve heard that he sucks as a person. Well, who cares?

Uhm, thats it for my weekend. I’m out of night shifts and I am not doing any night shifts for this month. Yes, I’m happy about it and I’m going to sleep the nights for a whole month. Lets see if it reduces my headache maybe. Beginning the afternoon shift from tomorrow onwards. I must begin going to the gym regularly and for a considerable amount of time. I might begin with resistance training and I will speak to Umesh (the trainer) about a regime that I could follow. Over and above all, I must try and visit the doctor tomorrow. Lets see where that goes. Time to hit the sack. Night.

-Anup

The rains here!

Rain always puts me in a stupendously good mood. However bad the environmental variables be. The end result is a smile on my face. I mean, imagine me being stuck in traffic for over 2 hours. Ohh yes, thats right, I had my first 2 hour jam after coming to Bangalore. That’d probably be nothing new for most others who have travelled during peak hours here, but for me, this was the first time. Somehow, it didn’t bother me. I couldn’t help keeping the window of my car open and watch the rain. It used to pour heavily sometimes and get my sides all wet, but I just couldn’t pull up the glasses. The fragrance of wet mud is amazing, isn’t it? Ohh and the sound of rain beating against the roads, the cars, people and other objects, it sounded like music to my ears! Overall, as usual, rain put me in a mixed emotional spot. A spot that had nostalgia, pain, joy and most of all hope.

I couldn’t stop myself from thinking up:

Speak to me in a tongue,
Only few understand,
Oh heart of hearts;
Oh soul of souls.

It matters little,
That no one knows,
Oh heart of hearts;
Oh soul of souls.

And we tread barefoot, you and I,
Our soles wet with dew,
Cast from a dream, a pleasant lie.

And I will dream again and die,
To live another dream with you,
Until the next we meet,
In my heart of hearts;
My soul of souls.

Well, I ended up missing all my friends. I missed all the people I loved and had left behind. I felt guilty and sorry for all the bad that I did and I felt like apologizing to people for the bad that I did to them. I haven’t thanked God enough for keeping me alive as of yet and I must visit the temple. Its not necassary to do it cause I call myself an Agnostic. Hrmphhhh, I’m not. I’m a believer. I sent out an email to Johnson and Priyanka and managed to find the courage I needed to apologize for what I did. I’m not sure if they’d be able to forgive me for what I did, but I did do my part. Once again, I’m sorry you guys. I did not want it to be this way and I’ll miss you. I’m going through another rough patch.

Mom and Sneha are off to Kerala today. I’m going to miss them. I still have to get the songs Sneha wanted and then burn it for her. I’ll do it as soon as I go home today. I have to drop them to the railway station tonight and I don’t even know where the place is. I’ll hire a taxi or something. I may not come to office today; might as well stay at home and get some rest. I need it cause of the terrible headache that I’ve been carrying with me since quite some time now. Monday is the day – I will visit the doctor. I’m shameless mostly; even a public word is breakable, as per me. I’m still the best. Bangalore is awesome and I love the rains. Ohhh and traffic, you can never win over me. I’ll win over you each and every time. I’ll fuckin’ drive over you. Beat that! Peace out \m/

-Anup

Weekend.

I’ve begun working on the Goa chapter, but I couldn’t manage to get over it. I’m not sure about why I’ve become like this, but I cannot stick to typing for a long time anymore. Its more like I’m not patient with the keyboard anymore. I wonder why it’d be like that. I used to love the keybee and I could type on it for hours. Well, as a matter of fact, I still type on it for hours, but thats usually when I’m on IRc and typing virtual crap! Anyhoo, I’m nearly done with it; just a few bits and pieces. I’ll make sure it gets added in over the weekend. I did tell Abhi that I’d get it done asap, *sigh* sorry Abhi.

I’m going to be busy over the next week, I sure am! Mom and Sneha are coming over and I’m very excited about them being here. Its going to be a lot of fun. Ohhh and its awesome that Radha aunty and Kuttapi are back; I missed them both a lot. Ammu doesn’t talk much and moreover, I love arguing with the other two, so it’d be awesome with them, mom and Sneha around. I’d pwn them both with some evil Malayalam, Yay!! Ghek. Ahh, yes, thats another reason to get over with the Goa document by tomorrow.

Nikhil leaves Bangalore on Sunday. Its sad that he’d be gone. I was just beginning to know him as a friend and as someone I could waste my weekends with. Hmmm, guess I’d have to make-do with myself. Ratheesh and Avinash are busy souls and I don’t wish to disturb them a lot. No biggie! I can manage with myself. Its 6:30 AM on a Saturday morning and I’m meeting Ratheesh, Nikhil and Zoher for movie and food, or so I hope. I need to grab some sleep. Must rush. I’ll see you’ll next week.

-Anup

Lethargy

Its ruling over me currently. I dont feel like doing anything. Its probably the routine which gets hectic sometimes; work, class and the gym. I don’t get a lot of time to watch tv or watch the sitcoms that I have downloaded. I still manage to watch How I met your mother though as and when its available for download. I’ve watched upto episode 19 and it continues to make me laugh and I’m still very much in love with all the charecters.

I know, I was supposed to write about Goa and I promise to do it tomorrow – no crap this time. I will try hard to knock down the lazy-me ghost that has set into me and give my fingers some exercise. I missed gym yesterday and I wasn’t too happy about it. But then, yesterday was an especially lazy day since I happened to doze off at work and I had just gotten over a severe bout of head and neck ache. Ahh, it has been a tough week for me. The pain was excrutiating at times and it engulfed my head and neck. I knew for sure that this was because of the increase in the number of my myopic lenses. Mom and Radha aunty kept on pushing me to go visit the doctor, but then I knew that the glasses were causing this. Anyway, I got a hole in my pocket and had to keep myself from giving my monthly share home to come up with this:

Glasses

The headache seemed to magically disappear as soon as I put the glasses on and I informed mom about it who seemed to be upset about the part where I did not go to the doctor after she asking me to over the fact that I did not need to go to the doctor and that my headache’s vanished. Women are weird and you cannot deny that. Spoke to Sneha and she’s a constant source of joy to me. She’s on my side always and for her, I’m the best and the coolest. However fat, double chinned or stupid I be. Radha aunty and family are there in Pune now; well at Mahabaleshwar right now. Good for them.

Going back to the part where I’ve been lethargic, there came this time yesterday when I broke all barriers and stepped into a new league of lazy bones. I have my clothes all washed and ready to be used after getting them pressed, but I was too lazy to give them off to the guy who presses clothes and so I did not have anything that I could wear to work – so I bought a couple of new t-shirts. I’m seriously unsure of whats wrong with me. I need to kick myself hard I guess. Guess its a phase and will fade off soon. A quick nip – I’m watching this sitcom (kind of bounces over my head sometimes) called The Big Bang Theory. Must say, I enjoy watching them talk. Their brilliance seems to glorify my ignorance. The book

Finally, I watched “Jab we met” the Hindi movie again. I watched Kareena and Shahid look cute together for the last time and I loved the movie all over again. I’m not sure why, but like almost all the mid-century aunties, I too am in love with this movie and all the expressions Kareena had on her face. Cute. Ohh and I’m reading Chetan Bhagat’s latest book – The 3 mistakes of my life. I’ve just begun reading it and I like it already. I’m sure it’d be as good as his other two masterpieces.

Me as of today!Also, I’m proud of myself as of now, cause I’ve lost around 5.5 kgs! I shouldn’t be bragging about it, but then I’ve learnt that a good diet and a scheduled work out regimen can drastically change your life. Now, I’m not going to make any changes to the way I’m working out or to my diet. I’m going to stick to it for a while and I’m sure that I’ll continue shredding. I began at 92.5 and I’m 87.1 now. So, the progress is outstanding, I’d say and that too in just 2 odd months. I’m happy. Its time for me to hit the gym and leave for home. I won’t type in about Goa as a blog entry. I’d probably include it in write-ups! So, yeah, thats the project in for tomorrow.

-Anup

Discussions.

There’s a lot to write and I’m not sure about what to write and where to begin. Its a long story – Goa. I won’t finish if I begin now and I don’t want it to fall short of a word or an event. I want that entry to be descriptive and complete to every minute details. Thus, I’m going to get it done within the next two days.

A few things to discuss:

1) Season 3, Episode 17, How I met your mother:

Barney got Robin laid. Robin, you suck just as well. You’re a whore; just as well. Why? Cause you have sex with Barney and the first thing you tell him in the morning is, “The moment my feet touches the ground (off the bed that is) THIS never happened” this here is sex. Man, seriously; why? Did you really need it that bad? Alright Anup, cut the crap. Robin, you suck. Ted, you suck as well. Barney, you’re legen…wait for it…. dary! You PWN man. Next bet? Try to get Lily’s ass. After this though, Ted fights with Barney and “breaks up” with him or in his words “outgrows” Barney. Over and above this, he tries to do the I’m not pissed act which he couldn’t carry off. Overall, Marshall and Lily, you’re the best people in that show.

2) Season 4, Episode 8, Lost:

This is going nowhere. I have no clue of whats going on. Someone help me! More turns?

3) Goa:

A lot to talk to about this. Coming up real soon. Also, about how hot Pune is and how much I love vada pav land.

4) The website:

I’m making a lot of changes to the website and I will continue to do so in the next few days. I’ve managed to find a plugin that integrates Gallery2 to WordPress and its awesome. Plus, I finally managed to upgrade to WordPress 2.5.1 and I like the overall feel of it. In more news, Radha aunty and family have left for Pune and they’ll return with mom and Sneha on the 18th. I like that. Abhi started off his new job at Maersk where he has to wear formals with a tie and all; he looked cute on his first day. Met Smikh on the 29th when I reached Pune and it felt great; meeting her and talking to her. We had lunch and we spoke a lot. Gossips and other crap. It was cooler because Abhi was around and for the first time in the last 2 months, I was able to laugh, freely. Felt awesome. These days, I use the Barney theory and it fits me perfectly – When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead! I have no clue of where Shags is and I’m worried. She doesn’t give a damn, as usual.

Well next up, maybe tomorrow or day after – GOA!

-Anup

Vacation

I should be feeling happy about being away from work and being with my friends instead for a whole week; but I somehow don’t feel too good about the entire trip. I’m not sure why. Maybe its because I feel sick about writing that previous post. It was stupid and uncalled for; but its written now and I’m not going to edit or delete it. Thats not the reason anyway. I’m just not sure about going to Pune. I don’t like going there anymore. I’m just there for an evening though. I’d sleep early and leave early to Goa! As early as we can.

The plan was supposedly canceled, but after a lot of speculation it seems to have resurfaced and I think we’re going. We includes, Abhi, Muiz and me. It was supposed to include Shaista too, but then, guess that didn’t go too well for Muiz and her. We’d be setting off in Abhi’s car early morning – 30th. The weird thing is, I’m running out of cash and I’m expecting my salary to come on the 30th so before it comes, I don’t have much to roam around with. I’d have to be careful for the coming days. Else, I’d be broke and I don’t like being broke. So, I need to keep down unwanted expenses. The funny thing here, I’ve been stupid and I made some very unwanted charges on my credit card. My phone for example; the HTC touch which cost around 18 grands is on my credit card and I nearly hate that phone. I was so much more happier with my Nokia! Sucks to be me, I repeat.

I need to meet a couple of people when I go to Pune. Now, I’m not sure about when I’d get to meet them, cause mom and dad would want to talk to me when I go there and if I’m not around, they’re going to be upset! So, I’d need to do something about the people I meet, probably forward it for the 4th when I return or something like that. I’m not too sure now. As of now, I have other concerns – clothes not ironed. I’m doomed. I don’t like wearing clothes that aren’t ironed, but then, I’ve been lazy and its been lying here after its wash since the past 2 weeks. Sucks to be me, repeat 2.

I’ve clicked a few pictures of my house after its clean up today and I think they’re neat pictures, putting them up here:

Blacky

Bed

Hall

Tv


Apart from this, I’m going to be out for the entire week. I’d be back on the 5th of May. Till then, it’d be ~Go Pune – go Goa (If possible!) Later then.

-Anup