Pristine

The other day I decided to take a walk. A walk of shame down the rickety rather boulder studded gully next to Radha aunty’s house. I’ve always taken pride in the fact that I’ve managed to earn both money and respect amongst the people who crowd my life. Now I understand that it is because of the enormous luck that I have had aiding me and of course mom’s constant prayers to the boss above. Well, I consider all of them to be equally powerful – luck, mom and god that is. I’ve managed to absorb a lot of data when I was with Convergys and I did consider myself to be technically sound or uhm, technically competent if  you may, for modesty reasons. One of the prime reasons I was successful was because of the want to prove myself to my family, the society and her. For which, I studied, I followed up and I discussed technically challenging conundrums with my peers and was someone who was quickly motivated by challenges. I’d get to the task of eating up on problems and boiling down to conclusions and answers in no time. I was fairly confident of resolving any and every issue that came my way by means of communicating with my colleagues, my seniors and then google. The walk of shame came when I started feeling technically handicapped of late and I feel sorry for myself since I am someone who could have easily accumulated more information than all these liabilities and loan I have pressing down on my like a ceaseless guilt which would hamper your growth and insight.

Anyway, the walk of shame came to and end all of a sudden and to my utter surprise I see her! It was like a strong flicker of sunlight on a day covered by a bicentennial celebration of darkness. It was like a whiff of cold wind on a sultry thursday afternoon full of deadlines that devour your very want to live. It was like a… uhm… no more cause I’d taint that moment. All I’d say that it was magical. Like a drizzle when I wish for it. Sorry, couldn’t stop myself there. I love drizzles, did I ever mention that? I’m madly in love with the rains and I wait for the rainy season ever year and then wish for it to be gone when it turns into a menace. Especially cause I’m more of an indoorsy person and because I’d let a good book take me off to a fantasy land rather than be driven by a senseless rage and urge to spend more. Which is also something I used to do when I thought I was in love. Going back…

Her! I had just cut into this smaller lane out of the badly feet-raped little track which led out of Radha aunty’s place. I guess thats where she lived. She stepped out of her house squealing and giggling. She stood at the door for a while with one feet still inside the house and the other feat rearing her to run out and scream some more. She looked into my eyes and flashed a million watt smile. It was the brightest one I had ever seen and I stood there adoring her innocent face. A breeze caught her attention as it played with a tiny plait of her hair and she stared in the direction of the wind as if requesting it to stop tickling her. Her eyes shined brightly as she gave me a mischievous grin. I smiled at her and stood there, just to see what she’d do next. She sent out a shrill cry cause she couldn’t cross the threshold of her house since there was this high plank which did not allow her to cross over. Here is where I noticed a firm hand grasp her by both her armpits and softly drop her outside and into the verandah. Mom had done what she was supposed to and the little princess in her tattered but clean pink dress went on a dance run, squealing and running with sense of freedom which made me envious of her. She looked beautiful. She was worryless, unperturbed and did not care about who I was. She ran over and stared up at me. I bent down and set her hair right. I noticed her mom observing me and I smiled at her. She had seen me before I think and didn’t say much. I stood there and watched her play. The little bundle of joy. I’d wish to see her everyday but unfortunately for all of us, we grow and so do all our worries.

Its a life altering process; change that is. You wish for change but you are not prepared for it. Aging is a change. Its an unstopable, irreversible, most unavoidable change of them all and I’ve been trying to come to terms with the changes my life has seen over the past year and a half. Here’s another change or a new opportunity if you may which has come my way and I’ve decided to grab it, arms wide open. I’m not sure if I’m right or wrong and I’m freaking out right now but then, there is little I can do. I’ve always been someone who has looked forward for changes and challenges. I’ve been raring to get into some work which appeals to the more intelligent side of my brain and I seem to have a break at something which seems to be awesome! News, from the looks of it and from what I have in hand right now, I’ll be moving out of where I am into a new world very soon. I’d talk about where, when, why and all of that part later. For now, all I need to find out is about how my life would change from the 4th of May. Its been a very difficult decision and I’m looking forward to what has come my way. Will get back with details later. I might be missing for a bit but I’ll get back as soon as I can.

-Anup

About

View all posts by

4 thoughts on “Pristine

  1. Are worry Not oye!
    Shine ON!
    n yes the best thing i like abt this post are some very profound words :-” we grow and so do all our worries.”
    i fear growing up n i duuno how to deal with it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *