Bangalore revisited

Its been less than 7 months since I left Bangalore behind but its all that I can think of now and my craving to return is growing stronger by the minute. Now, I’m fairly certain that this post might be prematurely ended due to my short attention span and my addiction to movie re-runs; which I must say is despicable because I’ve been repeating movies that I’ve watched a zillion times! Sometimes, I even remember the dialogues that is to follow but then, I’m addicted to re-runs and that’s all that I’m doing these days. I’m supposed to be working, reading, following up with dad on my marriage arrangements and other grave matters that need my attention but all I do whenever I find time is port into my hard drive full of movies that I’ve downloaded over the past 3 years and browse through. I then find a movie I’d like and there you have a re-run! Its suddenly hit me that around 10 days of leaves have sped by with me doing nothing but movie re-runs, a couple of books and some other things in general; which I must say I absolutely HAD to do. Like take a small stroll, stare at the gym from outside and contemplate an entry, stare at the Dubai skyline from my terrace and think about things, daily chores in the bathroom and a couple of stray discussions with the store manager at Madina super market, Bur Dubai.

I’d also like to bring to my notice the evident and seemingly alarming distance from human contact. So I have this room and I am in it. Its got everything you need. Split AC, a fridge, a bathroom, a bed, the internet and windows which you need not open! Its the perfect place to bury yourself and never be seen again. Hell yeah! That’s what I’ve been going through for the past 5 odd days and its silenced me from the inside. Sometimes, I even feel like I don’t have a shadow! What the fuck? Its so pissed at my lethargy that it went on a stroll by itself. I catch up to it overtime though. I’m scared of being alone in this cold desert. Don’t leave me alone, ehh? Things haven’t moved since the time I got in and I don’t intend on moving them into the cupboard because this room would then creep me out more. I haven’t turned the lights off in over 5 days – again cause it scares me every now and then. The new apartment is gorgeous no doubt but every once in a while it seems like Room 1408 in that movie. The one where they had a dead ghost living somewhere amongst its tiles. Damn! I’m going to have another sleepless night today. I’m hoping for work and hard labor to fix this problem. Work will commence tomorrow after an excruciating gap of 10 days and Boy! am I happy.

I’ll set aside the ramble for now and keep it for another date. As the topic suggests the aforementioned wasn’t my prime topic of discussion for today. It was Bangalore. If there was anyone who was following this blog and reading every now and then if not always, you’d note my obvious love for Bangalore. There aren’t any grave reasons for this. I just like the city for no reason. It seems like my place to be and the city where I’d finally settle down. I’ve lived a dreamy life there and come to think of it now, I’ve never been as alone as I am today. Again, loneliness is a state of mind and it can be easily overcome… yada yada yada!! Blargh, up yours with all that mumbo jumbo. I had friends there. However little they be, they were there. I didn’t meet them as often as I’d want to but then its ok, you know? It was enough that they were around. This post is dedicated to those glorious 18 months that I spent in Bangalore AFTER wrapping up a masquerading bitch of a period in Pune. A few clicks full of memories…

A lot of pictures have been left behind and I guess I’d track back to them a few months down the line. I’m sure my homesickness would just keep growing until the day I decide to return once and for all. From the looks of it, that day isn’t too far. I’ve always known that I wasn’t meant to be out of India and these days that I spend outside of my motherland yell an affirmative to my precognized notion. Point being, I’ve had people like Kuttapi, Ammu and Radha aunty who were MORE than my own family (trust me; in a lot of different ways), I had friends like Chetan and Ajay. These are probably the coolest people I’ve ever known. Anymore cooler than this and that’d make them backstabbing bastards. A karaoke pub that would let me sing and people who really did not care how you sang as long as you had the balls to do it! An opportunity to listen to Ajay sing "Smells like Teen spirit" and "Angels" AND rocking on both accounts. Chetan and me walking on the street and bursting out with streams of teared laughter at the aunty who let one go! Abhi and his very regular visits. The writers club and those emails that were exchanged. I can go on and on and on. Reasons aplenty for why I loved that city and how much I long to go back.

Now, the most obvious question is – Then why the fuck are you still stuck there? Well, you got to know this – a typical middle class mans life is full of a series of different kinds of shit – obligatory shit, responsibility shit, you-live-in-a-society-shit amongst others. I’m not different. As stuck as can be in a mud puddle which is grippy and ruthless. Questions like, "Ahhh, you’re back so soon?" with the "What a loser! tssk tssk" kinda face. "But son, you shouldn’t have wasted an opportunity like this!" You need more? I have more – "What?? You’re getting married – you need the cash! Don’t be a whiney loser like XYZABC, hang on!" Finally, the peach, "Damn! you got laid off, didn’t you?" I’m too scared of these questions and I don’t wish to fall down in order to answer them. Guess we all get fucked by the society one way or another. I’ll just deal with it for a while and fly back when I feel its time and when I’m no more part of a society that knows me.

Well, apart from these teeny weeny problems life pretty bright. Dubai is under 80 billion worth debt they say. I have no freaking clue of what’s going on and when I’d be thrown out of my job. What’s the point in thinking? I’d play the wait and watch game for now cause uhm, that’s all that you can do. I’m not going to crib, fret and frown over my job because there is no dearth for opportunities! In other news, Sneha is getting married too and I’m super excited. My long vacation starts on the 28th of January and I cant wait for the days to fly by. I cant bear the void anymore and I cant wait for Mrs. Menon to come over. Well, that’s it for now and I hope to god that this finally shows up as a post. I don’t trust myself with blogging these days. I have no clue about what’s gotten into me. Publishing a post seems to be a herculean task and I most usually find a reason to discard the draft by the end of it. This is lovingly dedicated to all those people back in Bangalore/Pune and Kerala *winks* This is to tell you’ll that I miss you’ll truck loads. Peace out.

-Anup

The waiting place…

Population outburst, unruly and uneducated people, educated scmucks, morally impaired, outright stupid – some of the many reasons for the unending waits we have to endure as part of the mob. The mob who lives in a world thats crumbling under the weight of the ever increasing ignorance in people about their pointless existence. They seem to be oblivious about the fact that its they themselves who cause ‘the waiting’ A quick one on this –

And grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
Headed I fear, towards a most useless place.
The waiting place…
For people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
Or a bus to come, or a plane to go.
Or the mail to come, or the rain to go
Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
A high-school yearbook. An old photo album. A teddy bear.
A snow-globe. A well-worn book by Dr. Seuss.
Or waiting around for a yes or a no
Or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
Or waiting for wind to fly a kite
Or waiting around for Friday night
Or waiting perhaps for their uncle jake
Or a pot to boil, or a better break
Or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
Or a wig with curls…
Or another chance.

I’m tired of waiting. I know that I’m part of the mob and there’s little that I can do to decrease the amount of time spent on waiting for things you want. The queue is never ending and I spend loads of time just waiting in queue. The queue at the Airtel bill payment counter which is incapable of managing the crowd even with 5 queues going. The queue at Adigas, the food joint where they serve cheap but good food. The wait at restraunts where people seem to eat on forever. The wait at the parking lot where you’d consider yourself to be lucky to park at the rate of Rs 30 an hour (outfuckinrageous). The wait at the parlour or the saloon even! Its funny that I have to wait anywhere and everywhere I go. Who are all these people I wonder? Why are they out? Where do ALL these people come from? What the bleep do they want? Why are they out when I’m out? God damn these crowds!! Stop touching me you pig… duh! People all over me. Crowds annoy me and unruly people get on my nerves. But the wait goes on…

This outburst is after some random guy decided to throw sambar all over me and had the audacity to ask me to pay up for his loss in food! I gave him a piece of my mind which he probably did not understand. He then went on to make a funny face, talk some eblish in broken hindi and cursy kannada. We stared at each other for a while. He wondering about who’d pay for his idli-sambar now and me thinking about who’d wash my shirt? You can’t blame anyone for anything that happens these days. Unavoidable people, I tell you. I was there for him and he was there for me. We were so unavoidable to each other. Bumping into each other for no reason. Blame the crowd. The wait at Adigas has always puzzled me. The food is alright and that too at a modest price range, but then, why don’t all these people eat at home? I mean, I see entire families standing and eating away. Laughing away to glory, unperturbed by the fact that they are in the midst of such a lot of commotion. I understand if the bachelors hang out at the place for food and more, but whats up with all these ladies? Or whats up with their men? Don’t you’ll ever cook at home? I see the same faces everyday. It just worries me! Good old times when mom cooked food and what she cooked seemed to be the only thing I could ever like. These new age mothers feeding their babies idli-sambar which some guy cooked in some unhygenic kitchen. For the love of god, whats wrong with you’ll?  Anyway, the man went on buy more idli sambar for himself and I walked out thus missing breakfast, yet again.

The wait for getting a loan sanctioned is killing me from another end with the HDFC chicks sucking the very life out of me with their stupid ass questions. “So sir are you married?” “No” I say candidly. She goes onto ask a few more questions about my family and friends not trying to hide her awe when I say that I’m new to Bangalore. “So you know kannada ha?” she asks and I curse my fate. “Gothilla ma’am” and she giggles. She goes on, “Sir are you single?” here I get brain fucked and I ask her what she wants! She goes on to say, “Sir you want this loan no? Please answer my questions” and I go @$@$%$#%!#@##$@#$ Some more annoying questions later she puts her boss on the phone who asks me the same annoying questions again this time he adds on to say, “Sorry sir, these days they don’t give loan unless your father agrees to it! They don’t agree even if you have a wife. They don’t trust wives… you know with all the divorces in Bangalore!” and I’m thinking… ‘Man, what the hell’s going on? So now what? You’re a relationship councellor?” He giggles some and tries to confirm my mothers maiden name. This interrogation continus for another 20 gruelling minutes before which he seems to point to me that I can get more loan than what I’ve opted for and how I’m making an incorrect decision. I’ve never felt this smothered. The torture along with the wait has fuelled my rage and I’m going to stop running after any of these imbeciles. I’m tired of the waiting…

-Anup