The drama called life.

We’ve heard this so many times – Life’s a bitch! People casually talking about life as if they know what it is all about. Now, I’m by no means indicating that I’m out of the crowd here. I’m just as self-righteous as all those stupid-ass mortals who think they know what life is and brag about how sad they are for not being closer to god. Just so that they can brown-nose him into a life on a bed of fluff. You know what amazes me the most? People. Everything about all these people around me. Some in real life, some on TV and on all those series and sitcoms I watch. Somehow, their life seems to be all full of drama. How do they have all this drama? Do we really have all this drama to life? Seriously, isn’t it so easy to live? Be happy, smile, be friends, not be rude and most importantly be a nice human being. How difficult is this? I think it’s easy, but what we humans live for is the spice. We don’t want to eat tasteless food now, do we? You’d want it to be right on salt, chilly, pepper and be as spicy as possible. And the spice; which is drama in this case comes into life when you start feeling its bland – tasteless.

I tend to observe people and I manage to not attract their attention somehow. I don’t quite know if this is a good thing, but then people seem to be so oblivious of me being next to them, observing them, looking directly into their eyes, studying them and sometimes even snooping into what they say. Mostly, I wouldn’t make head or tails out of whatever it is that they speak, but I still love eavesdropping; especially if its people I don’t know remotely. Listening in on women chatter is very fruitful I might add, they think they know a lot and they think being a woman is the most difficult thing ever. Sometimes, in some women; I can distinctly smell a sense of superiority a superlative magnetism around them. An aura so strong that it deflects me away from them, just wanting to run away. Cause in my eyes, their reason for existing ends when they radiate the nothing that we all are. We are all nothing without each other. I wonder how it is that people don’t understand our binding. I am bound to the world and thus I’m bound to each and every human being on it. You need me just as much as I need you and there is no running away. But I try running anyway. Speaking of which; the MNS drama which happened recently in Maharashtra. What was that? I mean, what the fuck is he thinking? You think you can drive us away from where we live Mr. Thackeray? That’s our land just as much as its yours and we’ve lived there since times immortal. This is my country and you are a no one. Hear me? You’re a no-one and you’re not telling any one of us about where we can or cannot come! Do whatever the fuck it is that you want. You or your minions don’t scare me. Thats my land and I’m going to stick.

Going back on the drama bit – I thought about dramas and about how weird they are because of a couple of incidents. The first being the part where the drunk wife beater came back and this time he bought along some real nasty men. He nearly broke into the docs house but that’s when the watchman convinced him that there was no one home and it’d be pointless. This time I chose to listen in on the drama from within the safe walls of my room and it still sounded scary. Especially since Chetan scared the shit outta me the other day after knocking on my door and not answering my “Kaun hai?” question. My knees trembled for a full two hours after that. Mostly because of this and partly because I went with the guys for a drive in Ajay’s car when he was kinda high. Drunk people, however sweet they be scare me. Not that they’d physically harm me but you never know what they’d say. They have no emotional control and neither can they control what they think or talk so it kinda gets difficult if something I don’t want to hear falls out and I really did not want that. Somehow, that was wrapped up! Anyway, I thought about how inconsiderate people can be and about how money and power corrupts you and your thought process. This guy sounded like an educated guy with a very potty mouth and that disturbed me a lot. Then again, I was having breakfast at Adigas as usual and I had asked for Onion dosa. This usually takes more time that the rest and I stood by the counter; lost in some sort of a day dream when I noticed someone staring at me. Ever had that feeling where if you try hard enough and stare hard enough at someone even from behind them, they seem to turn back to look back at you? It’s happened to me and sometimes it seems like countless dejavu’s at the same time. It’s an awesome feeling when you get someone to look at you just by staring at them. I try doing this once in a while, but in this case I noticed this girl staring at me and it was not like a “ohh-what-a-hot-guy” stare (I look miserable and fat in my night clothes) and neither was it a “Ewww-ohh-no” look (I don’t deserve that for sure) it was more like the “Hmmm-do-I-know-you?” look and she seemed like someone I know or had seen before. I smiled because it was an awkward deadlock-in-the-eye situation. You know like when you’re staring at some girl’s boobs and she’d notice you? Well, no. Not that situation. You’d usually get the “Fuck you!” look back from her then. This was more the out the blue “do-I-know-you” stares from the both of us and I unknowingly smiled. Common courtesy, nay? She didn’t smile though. She lurked in the distance for a while trying to eat whatever it was that she seemed to be eating. It was more like she was swallowing food to avoid the hassle of chewing it. She had this thin, very frail, almost fragile body structure and was as tall as I am. This part of the story ends here.

The next part is more of a dialogue after I heard my bell ring today afternoon during my after work relaxation hours when I don’t like being disturbed. It’s been Greys Anatomy time for me and I love my time of peace. *Bell rings and I open the door*

Me: (Looking at the same girl, almost with the “what the bleep” look!) Yes?
She: I’m sorry, I wanted to talk to you today morning itself, but you were in a hurry.
Me: Hi, do I know you?
She: Yes, I live two floors above you. We shifted a month back and you might remember us from the truck parked in front of the gate because you created a commotion since you had to leave for work and that truck had our stuff in it.
Me: Ahhh, alright. I remember the mallu uncle. We had a small talk.
She: Yes, that’s my dad and his shirt is in your balcony *sheepish look* and he didn’t want to come talk to you.
Me: Ohh, no problem, let me go get it. I rarely go to the balcony so I wouldn’t have noticed.

I get the shirt, hand it over to her and she leaves after a quick round of profuse thankboration. I was so bored because she thanked me a bit too much. A simple “thanks” would suffice, you know? So my question here is simple, why the drama in this case? Just come over and ask me to get the shirt and I’d do it. What was she thinking? That I’d not return the shirt cause of my history with her dad? History? crap! I just asked him to get the truck outta my way cause I was late to work. Hmm, do I look like spice to you girl? *sigh* Just ask, kapiche? I watched a few movies. Disgifured and Dance of the dead are stuck to my head. I hope the lousy feeling these movies gave me wears out soon. Funny, but I failed an aptitude test this week and I gotta answer a repeat tomorrow. So, I’m thinking on lines of a good nights sleep. Also, I had a chance to write about my favorite character – Barney Stinson. I’m going to end with him –

So say hello to Barney Stinson! The ever so charming, enigmatic, magnetic and still higher on class and style kinda guy who isn’t someone you’d spot on a regular basis. He’s surely not someone you’d find idly squatting flies in a main street coffee bar. He’s the kinda guy you’d find hitting on single twenty-two something chicks but not in some random bar. You’d find him only in McClarens! Ohhh and the part where I spoke about single woman is not entirely true. Any twenty-two year old chick is what he’d want me to write about him. He’s one of the royals, chiefs if you may, of the endearing circle of Caucasian blonde men who can bag a girl by putting her down; sometimes even after calling her a filthy whore and sleeping with her mother. Now, ain’t that legendary? 

Barney
Barney

Barney’s glow is an aura you can feel from a distance. The halo above his head is deadly red. It’s a clear pointer to the fact that within him resides a mythical creature so nasty that it’d devour you but you wouldn’t die. You’d just be reborn with some awesomeness added on. He is advisor to many youngsters who dream of jumping into the invigorating world of promiscuity and binge drinking. The one thing he really hates is marriage and commitment. Don’t marry for as long as you can is what he’d say. If you are feeble and cannot control your disease which limits you to emotional dysentery for a particular girl/boy that’s the only time you may even consider about getting engaged and thereby married, which again is not advisable until you hit the plum age of 30 and this is for men. For women, if you touch 30, you’ve touched your official “Ohh-no!” moment and you’re nothing but garbage. For men, that’s the age where you are at the pinnacle of physical attractiveness. His ideas are revolutionary and they’d not only make you giggle but also excite you beyond your wildest imagination.

Some of his achievements in the areas of being a womanizing dude maestro include but are not limited to the following:
– Discovery of the Vicki Mendonca diagonal formerly known as the hot crazy scale. This means that a girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she’s moving up the hot scale. Simply put if she’s an 8.5 on the crazy scale, she’d need to be a 9+ on the hot ruler. Else, she’s out and you need to throw the hook for fresh fish. If you tend to ignore the scale, you’ll just stink in the end and trust me, this has been proven time and again by Barney.

– Barney, unknown to many is the mystical BRO who wrote the BRO CODE! Bro code is a set of rules for bro’s who hit on women together in random bars or any street that you’d like. Bro’s are governed by these rules and the code is a death line. There are no government laws governing the way in which bro’s function and thus an able man had to step up and write a book of codes. A couple of rules: A bro shall at all cost inform a mutual bro on the occasion of a girl fight and of course the golden rule No sex with a bro’s ex.

Barney usually drops his knowledge about women, sex, money and power to four of his closest friends; Ted, Lily, Marshall and Robin. Most importantly, he isn’t like you and me and that’s precisely why they call him “The Barnicle” he is different because you’d never see him in Shirts, t-shirts or jeans and trousers. Barney dresses like a hunter, a hungry lion and he hunts in suits. He suits up to get laid and he does it in style. Secondly, while guys like you and me would hide our porn, he has them neatly arranged and lit; in red again and he’s proud of his sexuality! After all that we know about him, it’s the usual tendency of people to bend towards sympathizing for all those self-loathing idiotic girls who ever slept with Barney, but the real deal is – he doesn’t hurt anyone. He makes his intensions crystal and that’s not even solid by the way, but the women still seem to get his point. His apartment isn’t a place to leave a toothbrush or lingerie behind and neither should you curl up and sleep more than your usual 12 hour sex visa, 14 if you qualify for multiple entry. Like I said, Barney is a visionary and the lemon laws he makes is going to change the world some day.

Finally, the grey part but the most important reason to Barney’s amazing demeanor is the fact that you’d never get a chance to get him feeling low or sad. His usual take on this is, “When I feel sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead, true story!” This very take on life multiplies his awesomeness and yes, he is a force to reckon with! High five to Bimbo’s, Scotch and suits, or so he’d say.

-Anup

The morning expresso!

Dimmed lights, a miniscule crowd, silence and some guy far away… vigorously tapping on his keyboard; thats morning shift for you. I love this shift and I prefer working early morning than the afternoons. Luckily, I have colleagues who prefer the afternoon shifts because they’d want to sleep late into the morning hours. I’ve been in love with the early morning hours since the time I can remember myself waking up for school. Dad brushing my teeth, telling me how important it is to brush our teeth carefully; sliding the brush from top to bottom than sideways. He’d then carefully use warm water (which mom heated up on the gas) to wash my face and hands. Mom would take on from here and get me dressed and packed up for school. By around 8:15 AM I’d find myself walking to my bus stop where I’d meet my school mates and we’d play football with those small infamous rubber balls which would most usually end with someone getting hurt, but we played anyway. The early morning sun beaming down upon us felt so good then! The only worries being about the test results or probably being beaten up by Rakesh. I wasn’t allowed to have coffee then. I was a kid and add to that I had asthama which dad was meticulously weeding off by means of homeopathy and loads of love and affection. I can still feel his cheeks against mine. That was how he’d measure body temprature. He doesn’t do that anymore… infact, he hardly talks to me and he probably has umpteen reasons to be so very disconnected from him son, pfft, can’t blame him.

Today, I can sip on a cuppa coffee and take a deep breath out there in the sun as it shines down on me glimmering away and flickering sometimes from between the trees that seem to only hide my troubles, pains and sorrows; just when you feel all smothered it’d gently sway away and let a beam pass by. Is this what you call a ray of hope?

Well, I love expresso but I prefer drinking tea at work because I have this thing where tea pwns* coffee (for me) if and when its a question of keeping me awake. Luckily for me, I have Hemant working with me today and thus I get to chat up with him and listen to some music as he goes on blabbering endlessly about information I don’t need. He’d talk about reports that I’m supposed to make but I don’t cause Microsoft excel IMHO, sucks. I hate the bloody software and I hate those stupid reports. What the fuck do they make out of all these reports anyway? Nothing. As far as I’m concerned – Do you have a problem? No? Well, then I’m doing my job right. There is no way to measure what I’m doing cause well, I’m not doing much. But I’m there, you know? Just in case you need me! I’m somewhat like a handgun if  you’re dropping down into a pithole to explore the caves there; you’d rather carry one and brag about it than not carry it and die just in case a monster pops out from nowhere!

I picked up an expresso today, mostly cause I was lost in thought and to think and write truthfully, I was pretty lost for words. Here is when I started about the juncture where I left my last post at. So how exactly do you fill up the void? There is no arguement to the fact that you have a hole, an empty space when you lose someone you love. For some people (like the girl I loved in this case) its easy; filling up the black hole. Infact, they don’t even require time to feel sorrowful about losing something as precious as love. They don’t need to mourn the loss of a friend and companion. All they want to do is to move on. Is it that easy? I’ve tried very hard over the past 9 months to extract myself from the mess I fell into and I have been successful but to a certain extent. She hasn’t fully left me, you know? And strands of her that remains seem like hair in your food. You can remove whats fallen in and continue eating it as if nothing happened, but then it’d be there in the back of your mind about how contaminated your food was. Then there are people like me, who’d stare at the food, get up and leave. Other, more brighter people would just get themselves a fresh serving. The last option is the most difficult one, I feel. Also, after being hurt so bad in love, how do people trust enough to fall in love again? And most importantly, ever so quickly? How do people tend to forget marriages that were broken due to small ego-fights? Relationships these days seem so unreal and fickle. A strong bond seems to be a thing of the past. I hate the fuckin’ move-on generation. To describe my exact feelings, I’d have to use some words by Pink Floyd, but it makes sense. Its a song, but I’m just going to type it down – one sentence. I was spending my time in the doldrums. I was caught in a cauldron of hate. I felt persecuted and paralyzed. I thought everything else would just wait. Its a sad feeling and it takes a lot more than just optimistic thinking to get out of. The answer is pretty simple though. Its going to be like this till the time you find someone to fill the void. The only thing you need to take care of is to not make hasty choices/decisions and try to wait a while. Give yourself a breather and then finally, don’t look for him/her. Let it happen. Hah! arranged marriage in my case, duh!

I’ve been in a state of chagrined discomfort over the past few days and I’m not sure about what actions I’d need to take in order to achieve what I really want or reach up and grab destiny by its throat. The undying problem here is, I have so many options; most of which I cannot relate to, some that I cannot get even though I can, its too much of a pun to explain so lets not go there. A couple which seem like a plausible excuse to my ever-growing reasoning on why I should go back to Pune and then a few others which are still unclear mostly cause the tinker fairies are still working on them. I’d really want to see how things shape up for me. I wish I could time travel and explore every option. Abhi and Muiz confuse me a lot and my love for Bangalore (which I cannot explain) wants me to stick on. The concern is (like I’ve said before) I’ve landed here way too early. I am unable to cope up with a monotonous job and a friendless work life. I’ve had too little and too unreal of those vibrant friendships, romances and everything else. I’d really want to live my age. Currently, I’m like this 30 year old who lives his pointless life encumbered by a thousand woes but still not looking for an answer. All I’m looking for is a passage, an escape route. Frankly, a way back into love.

WD and fuzzy ball.
WD and fuzzy ball.

The garnishing over the afromentioned soul-less dish: I bought a 500 GB Western Digital hard drive and it helps a lot because I have around 200 GB worth movies and porn and I had no place to house them. Now since I have this magical hardware thingy, I can continue raping Airtel. Movies I’ve watched over the past few days – Kidnap, Drona and Hello (Bollywood) A walk in the clouds, Fracture, Stranger than fiction, Tinkerbell, Ghost in the shell and many many more in the angrezi* section. I’m tired now and Hemant is annoying me;/ I might as well upload pictures of my HDD and this soft ball thing which I love kicking around a lot. Maybe later. Peace out.

-Anup

My days out.

I’ve had a cyclone of strings to write about and these have kept me unsure about what to write first. I’d think about what to write and then give up. This usually never happened to me because I’d let my fingers flow; not according to what was on my head but mostly what was in my heart. Precisely like what I told Vijay earlier yesterday when he said that the stuff I wrote hid certain parts of me. I’d beg to differ here though because according to me writing was the only activity that got the best out of me. But then, maybe he’s right. Probably, this hideous behaviour is subconscious. I’m not sure about what I’d need to do to be more crystal and then again, whats the point in me trying to change the way I write? That’d just be someone else looking back and asking a different set of questions.

MM
MM

Coming to what happened last week. It was a festive week since it was Dassera and Radha aunty and family had decided to go on an outing. They were unsure about two spots – Innovative film city or Nandi hills. I suggested Nandi cause I think its a lovely place to be plus I’d wanted to get out of the sultry October heat. The weather in Bangalore is kinda weird these days. It rains when you think its going to shine the rest of the day. It rains along with the heat and I love the rainbows. Kuttapi decided to traumatize us because he coaxed us into going to Innovative since he had feedback that the place rocked. Before I talk about the place, I’d like to warn all those people who have even thought of going there somewhere down the line to consider their idea again because its a bad one. The place is the biggest rip-off I’ve ever seen and it was a complete waste of time, energy and money. We were drained by the time we returned; not cause we enjoyed being there but because me and Ravi Uncle had jointly spent around 3,500 Rs and mostly it was for nothing. Like I said, its rip-off and its one of its kind!

Toon
Toon

 The ripping-off begins from the time you enter the place where the entry fee is Rs 50 per person (seems nominal but ends up being quite a lot if you’re in a gang) from here on every room you enter you’d lose purse-weight, an average of Rs 100 ever time. The machinery and technology used belonged to the neantherthal age and it made me mad when I saw the video game arcade. God damn it! Those were the oldest nintendos I had ever seen and I wondered about what the fuck it was that they thought when they decided to get these old age things out for sale. The sad yet funny part of this story though was that they were making a lot of money out of it. People made beelines to all of these rooms which displayed a variety of things, or so to say a charade of lies. There was nothing worthwile inside any of these rooms. Tussads wax museum – huh, what in the name of god was that? I laughed my ass out at some of the statues. Ripleys; we didn’t even bother going in and so did we ignore the dinosaur enclave. The only tolerable part was where we watched the 4D movie and even though it was kinda stone age it still made me giggle. Then the food court, the mind blowing display of foodelicious delights or so they said it was. This was the most miserable place to eat cause it all tasted and smelt like chicken and we were veggies. I ate what I bought but then trust me, the food was distasteful and I had to eat two icecreams after; just to make the taste go away. The mirror maze was another rip-off because they had one of their men inside who used to show us the way; just so that people don’t spend more than 10 minutes inside. This was ironic cause whats the point of a labyrinth when you’d have directions written all over it? The mini-golf was a rip-off from far far away and thus we never ventured in that direction. I laughed my ass out when I reached the so called state of the art go-karting track cause it was a small roadline with weird small cars nearly screeching as they ran with families loaded onto it. And they call this go-karting; way to go, losers! Here on we did not feel like spending a dime more and decided to take off. This left Kuttapi in a fix though because he wanted to go take a dip in the wave pool but it was expensive business. His dad asked him to go take a shower when we reached home. That was funny. Kuttapi wasn’t grumpy though, he just cursed the place along with me. We clicked some pictures to remind ourselves of how much the place sucked and ran for our lives.

F1
F1

Now its not like I love go-karting but the tracks on mysore road called Grips was a lot more fun than this could ever be. I didn’t quite enjoy it as much as the F1 champs Ajay and Rispi neither was I gleefully excited like Chetan was but I was happy to be amongst them and go for a joyride in the small car. I mean, I don’t see the point – why drive a small car when I can roar on an 87 BHP Maruti Swift? Its stupid I thought. Also, go-karting is expensive leisure just as well. Anyhow, the point here is that Innovative film city courtesy Jai (I’m going to kill you when I meet you) and Kuttapi turned to be one of my worst nightmares and these rippers must close it down till the time they complete the work there at least and even after that if they’d really wanna run the place they’d need to build on what they have. Alright, I’m done with my rambling. The thought on my mind right now is – How do we fill the void of someone we loved a lot and lost in the end? Especially when we know that our loss means nothing to them? Grrr, why is it that one glimpse of an old love causes a nostalgic whirlwind which would drown us almost always? How do I get OUT of this once and for all?

-Anup

Hypocrites and wife-beaters.

I’ve been disturbed since yesterday mostly because I witnessed and had to actively participate in a family debacle which so messy that it took away my sleep. I was working yesterday, the W2 shift, which like I’ve explained; demands me to be online and available, ready for work from 6PM to 6AM. Yes, a full 12 hr shift. Its not as excrutiating as it sounds though cause all we need to do is keep ourselves available. The chance of real work coming your way is slim. So yes, you can watch tv, play games, listen to music, go out and do all your regular stuff. The only thing you need to take care of is the part where you’d keep yourself free off any other commitments. Which as per me is easy cause I am not committed to anything else these days and thats not a funny story. Quite a tragedy I tell you and yes, I’m going to make a novel out of it – For love and friendship.

Around 2AM I heard someone pounding away on my neighbours door. He was yelling in an extremely annoying high pitch voice demanding “him” to let “her” out and that kinda bought a lot of stories to my head (mostly the masaledaar bollywood types where the husband caught his wife sleeping around) and this was intriguing. So I tip-toed to my door and started peeking out of the eye-hole hoping to catch a glimpse of the drama and probably watch a fist fight and/or some blood (evil, I know!) but what I heard after that was horrifying.

“You get out of here now or else I’ll call the cops!” this was a mans voice and he sounded serious about what he said. The guy outside seemed unperturbed. He pounded some more before he said, “I’m going to kill you’ll! You can’t do this to me you just wait” and I could hear him running down the stairs. This was followed by a scuffle between him and our security guys. He then ran back up and continued pounding. By this time the entire building was up and I saw my neighbour (the one to my right) open his door and walk out. This gave me the courage I needed and I stepped out too. The guy looked at us and he said, “Its my wife inside!” he was piss drunk and was falling all over the place. My neighbour (lets call him Tom since I don’t know his name) he stood where he was and began talking, “You must leave now, its 2AM and there are other people here, please solve your family matters in the morning, this isn’t the time!” for which a woman from inside the house yelled, “Get out of here, you nearly killed me yeterday, I am scared of you and I will not come!” to which he banged the door some more. The security guys in the meanwhile called the landlord who asked them to sort it out by talks else he’d get his men (this was told to us later) They began dragging him away when he began falling and he tried to catch hold of something. Instead, he ended up pushing Tom who fell down the stairs and I guess he hurt himself cause he was furious. He ran up and began thrashing the drunk dude. The security guys also joined the action and I started yelling from where I stood. I asked them to stop it in English and Hindi but that didn’t deter Tom or the security guys, they beat him up and dragged him to the gate. He wailed on, “Blurrrrrrrr, you guys don’t know who I am… I am the manager of a software company… you guys are dead, brrrrrrr” they managed get him out of the gate. He cursed on for 20 odd minutes and thats when he heard the whistles of the Cheetah police patrolling the area. He quickly got into his car and drove away. I stood there for a while thinking about how drunkards knew when they heard the cops. A human brain is wonderful. It knows when its body is in trouble. I was down with Tom and the security guys by then and thats when I noticed that he looked like a decent guy. Plus, he had come over in a Cielo. Weird I thought to myself as I climbed back to my place.

This is when they (the neighbours who were the victims) opened the door and asked me if he had left. I nodded and asked them about what the hell was going on. The guy then went on to explain that it was his sister who was married to this guy and the guy had been thrashing her up over the past few months. Yesterday he nearly killed her and she had run away and come here. She was standing behind him and she looked really shaken up. Her eyes all swollen up and she looked shit scared by whatever was going on around her. I also got to know that it hadn’t been long since they had been married and the guy was addicted to dope and alcohol. They were leaving for their native place the next day and had hoped that he’d not create such a mess. I assured them and said that it was ok. Our landlord Mr. Reddy is a big man and he will make arrangements upto the next day. I suggested that they raise an FIR against this guy and they must try and avail a court order restricting this guy within a 10 mile radius of the woman. He was enraged and people can do wild things they they get mad! They packed up and left today. I hope they manage to get themselves out of this soup. Duh! Just when you thought that the modern world had a bright side to it, people like this come along. Assholes like him must curl up and die and I mean this.

I met Ajay today who went on to show me the stuff he bought from Singapore. Could have at least got us some chocolates you ass! He very proudly went on to tell me the story of how he sent all the awesome chocolates home. Got shame? Pig! We had dinner together at Randezvous and I liked the food there. After this and during the whole time we walked and ate, we discussed about how much our lives sucked. Well, he felt its exaggerated effects since he just returned from an awesome vacation. I feel alright though cause really, I’m alright. But then, depression is contagious and I’m trying to keep myself happy. Somehow. I returned home and logged on to gtalk. Here I found some hypocrites. Tell me this – Would you be online if you’re busy? Seriously? No. You wouldn’t. I’m not sure why people try to radiate their so called “busyness” good that you’re busy, but then why are you online? I mean, Fuck off! The following is so true:

To martyr yourself to caution is not gonna help at all; cause there’ll be no safety in numbers when the right one walks out of the door – Pink Floyd.

My desk
My desk

Thats my desktop and its been like that for a while. I can’t stop being in love with Yagami Light! Simply put, he’s awesome.

-Anup

The castaway car.

So I got lost and it was scary cause I had no clue of where I was and I was desperate to reach home but then I was too high on myself to call up and ask for help. I then proceeded to roam around the city at 12:30 AM clueless about where I was and the road to my home seemed to be lost unto oblivion. It was weird of me though that I kept the music loud and kept on driving. Going back to the whole situation, it would have turned murky weren’t it for some good people out for sehri and other reasons since it was Eid. There were quite a few muslim people out on the streets; either returning from the mosque or on their way. Luckily for me, there weren’t any communal riots going on and I managed to talk to a couple of people who helped me out. I drove all around Bangalore, I feel. Eid Mubarak to those two good people who helped me. Eid Mubarak Shags, Muiz and Shaista and all those people celebrating the auspicious day.

I had been to a friends party which was a dinner thing and thus it began at around 9ish or so to say it never began cause people were sober then. They were just about getting on the higher, more funnier side when I had to leave and I feel sorry for myself that I had to come home and work. The thing here is, this post is a follow up to the post ‘meeting strangers’. Here in this case, I thought it’d be difficult for me to survive at a place where I wouldn’t know any of the people coming over and I pondered for a long time about how I’d be able to communicate to a bunch of people I did not know. Funny that? No. It was horrifying! I was worried thoughout the time I drove to her place and up unto the time the door bell rang, from there on it was easy and time just flew by! Most importantly because I found a mallu guy who decided to do the funny talk and also happened to be kind enough to include me in almost all of his discussions. I just sat there and heard him out… ohh and I did have my share of time checking out all the pretty ladies that poured in. The host was gracious enough to admit that she didn’t know all the people who had come over. It was fun, nice people and they weren’t as drunk as I thought they’d be. Or well, I guess they probably did after I left, maybe. Mallu’s bond quickly and I sat speaking to all the mallu’s I could gather.

The thing here was I got to her house easily because she had drawn up a pretty decent map from Cunningham road to her place and I managed to reach there without missing a turn. While returning though, I was lost in thought and spaced out completely. I thought I could take on the roads and karma came in to punish me. I had the map, but I didn’t bother looking at it. Took me more than an hour of driving around Frazer town to finally hit M.G road and from there on it was easy – Koramangala and my place, Arekere which according to most people is the end of the world. Phew, you guys don’t know how affordably good my place is. Now thats not an adjective everyone can use, you know? I managed to reach home and for the first few minutes I was thinking out loud – am I really home? Wow, where was I? Sometimes, these parts of the town which are as close as a few miles away might seem so very alien to you. Upon returning home, you’d feel misplaced or still lost even, funny feeling that! Anyway, thanks R for the invite. It was an awesome party! Its ok that I got lost. I’m sure I can find my way around the next time *winks*

Ramble on...
Tired and sleepy...

Its been a rather sad day after that – Airtel calling me up to know if I wanted more post paid connections; I mean, why would I need more post-paid connections when they’re calling on my post paid number? Some guy from HDFC called to verify if I still want the loan and I was too sleepy to answer so I hung up and tried to sleep. Thats when the HDFC girl called up again and began tweeting, “Sorry sir, we couldn’t get your statement from Citibank; all the banks are closed, you know na?” and me; unsure about whats going on and extremely sleepy, barked out, “So what do you want me to do ma’am?” “No no sir… I just wanted to tell you that we are still awaiting your phone bills from your fathers landline number” she squeaks this time! I heave a sigh and I guess it was good enough to give her the hint that I was mad. She hung up quickly after apologizing. I was trying to get some sleep after a hard nights work, woman! I couldn’t sleep after that. Her voice kept echoing in my head. I’ve been here in front of this box ever since. I need sleep – so so desperately!

-Anup

The waiting place…

Population outburst, unruly and uneducated people, educated scmucks, morally impaired, outright stupid – some of the many reasons for the unending waits we have to endure as part of the mob. The mob who lives in a world thats crumbling under the weight of the ever increasing ignorance in people about their pointless existence. They seem to be oblivious about the fact that its they themselves who cause ‘the waiting’ A quick one on this –

And grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
Headed I fear, towards a most useless place.
The waiting place…
For people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
Or a bus to come, or a plane to go.
Or the mail to come, or the rain to go
Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
A high-school yearbook. An old photo album. A teddy bear.
A snow-globe. A well-worn book by Dr. Seuss.
Or waiting around for a yes or a no
Or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
Or waiting for wind to fly a kite
Or waiting around for Friday night
Or waiting perhaps for their uncle jake
Or a pot to boil, or a better break
Or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
Or a wig with curls…
Or another chance.

I’m tired of waiting. I know that I’m part of the mob and there’s little that I can do to decrease the amount of time spent on waiting for things you want. The queue is never ending and I spend loads of time just waiting in queue. The queue at the Airtel bill payment counter which is incapable of managing the crowd even with 5 queues going. The queue at Adigas, the food joint where they serve cheap but good food. The wait at restraunts where people seem to eat on forever. The wait at the parking lot where you’d consider yourself to be lucky to park at the rate of Rs 30 an hour (outfuckinrageous). The wait at the parlour or the saloon even! Its funny that I have to wait anywhere and everywhere I go. Who are all these people I wonder? Why are they out? Where do ALL these people come from? What the bleep do they want? Why are they out when I’m out? God damn these crowds!! Stop touching me you pig… duh! People all over me. Crowds annoy me and unruly people get on my nerves. But the wait goes on…

This outburst is after some random guy decided to throw sambar all over me and had the audacity to ask me to pay up for his loss in food! I gave him a piece of my mind which he probably did not understand. He then went on to make a funny face, talk some eblish in broken hindi and cursy kannada. We stared at each other for a while. He wondering about who’d pay for his idli-sambar now and me thinking about who’d wash my shirt? You can’t blame anyone for anything that happens these days. Unavoidable people, I tell you. I was there for him and he was there for me. We were so unavoidable to each other. Bumping into each other for no reason. Blame the crowd. The wait at Adigas has always puzzled me. The food is alright and that too at a modest price range, but then, why don’t all these people eat at home? I mean, I see entire families standing and eating away. Laughing away to glory, unperturbed by the fact that they are in the midst of such a lot of commotion. I understand if the bachelors hang out at the place for food and more, but whats up with all these ladies? Or whats up with their men? Don’t you’ll ever cook at home? I see the same faces everyday. It just worries me! Good old times when mom cooked food and what she cooked seemed to be the only thing I could ever like. These new age mothers feeding their babies idli-sambar which some guy cooked in some unhygenic kitchen. For the love of god, whats wrong with you’ll?  Anyway, the man went on buy more idli sambar for himself and I walked out thus missing breakfast, yet again.

The wait for getting a loan sanctioned is killing me from another end with the HDFC chicks sucking the very life out of me with their stupid ass questions. “So sir are you married?” “No” I say candidly. She goes onto ask a few more questions about my family and friends not trying to hide her awe when I say that I’m new to Bangalore. “So you know kannada ha?” she asks and I curse my fate. “Gothilla ma’am” and she giggles. She goes on, “Sir are you single?” here I get brain fucked and I ask her what she wants! She goes on to say, “Sir you want this loan no? Please answer my questions” and I go @$@$%$#%!#@##$@#$ Some more annoying questions later she puts her boss on the phone who asks me the same annoying questions again this time he adds on to say, “Sorry sir, these days they don’t give loan unless your father agrees to it! They don’t agree even if you have a wife. They don’t trust wives… you know with all the divorces in Bangalore!” and I’m thinking… ‘Man, what the hell’s going on? So now what? You’re a relationship councellor?” He giggles some and tries to confirm my mothers maiden name. This interrogation continus for another 20 gruelling minutes before which he seems to point to me that I can get more loan than what I’ve opted for and how I’m making an incorrect decision. I’ve never felt this smothered. The torture along with the wait has fuelled my rage and I’m going to stop running after any of these imbeciles. I’m tired of the waiting…

-Anup

Words.

I’ve loved words from the time I learnt and understood them. I’ve always thanked Miss Rozana Rodricks (my English teacher) for enlightening me and introducing me to a language that has no boundaries. However much we Indians despise the time when we were ruled by the whites there would always come that time when we’d need to thank them for the immense amount of worldly knowledge that was shared and add to that the language itself was bestowed upon us and as we all can see, English was easily absorbed. Since eons its gone around worlds within our small world and it didn’t need to try hard to become a globally acknowledged medium of communication. Today, I’m not shocked when even the rickshaw guy understands me when I speak in English. I have somehow been under the impression that I was good if not the best when it came to notating what I thought I knew about the world I lived in. Well, this mirage was recently shattered and I’m still trying to rummage whatever is left of the then towering figure of myself.

I’m just a nincompoop! A little toad unable to squeal or croak and trying to swim in a pond thats too big for it. Smelly and newborn. Trying to swim, but drowning instead. Words are never in your control and they can choose to make you sound sloppy if you treat them with disrespect and/or be overtly confident with them. Simply put, they have a mind of their own when they flow from your head, heart and mind onto books or digital media that you’re imprinting it onto and during this transition they might end up meaning something which you probably did not intend them to mean. Writing exactly what you feel, I think is a very difficult thing to do because feelings are abstract and writing requires a lot of imagery. I’m just going to write what I feel and stop nagging people to write. Its sad that I don’t have a single friend or acquaintance who actually likes writing and or blogging. Friends who blog would have been more advantageous, I’d say. I tried to talk to a few of my friends into writing. But then, thats what they say about writing – its not everyones fantasy. Some wouldn’t even read.

All my recent revelations stemmed from two important things. One of them being my guru at the creative writing workshop throwing in some real critisism about the way I write and the content in my writing. What he said was true and I’m thankful that he provided feedback. He’s a busy man but he still managed to find time to tell us newbies about what we need to correct in our writing. After this, I began reading at random blogs and I ended up at this blog – Lakshmi. From whatever I collected off her work on the web; she’s a 17 year old and I found her writing to be extremely captivating, almost poetic the way she writes prose and the way she’d evoke imagery using words alone is simply outstanding. I read at quite a few places but this was special considering that she’s merely 17. I thought it took time for one to be profound with words. Also, it takes experience to put them together. I’d associate her superior word building skills to her affinity to books and her love for reading. Its takes a lot to develop a unique style of writing and I was totally bowled over with the way she presented her thoughts, ideas and feelings without sounding unreal. I’d like to applaud her work and I hope she continues writing. Its quite a gift she’s got up her sleves.

I spoke to Sneha sometime back and we discussed a very lethal subject thats in the pipeline for her and then me. She usually vents out when we talk. She compulsively has to tell me about how silly it is for 25 year old guys to marry (this is mostly cause the guy she had a crush on was married) She’d comment on how weird it is that her weekend falls on a “Thursday” instead of one of the days on an actual weekend! Finally, we’d trickle down to the alfa-male of topics – What kind of a guy? When? Why arranged? *sigh* Sometimes I wish she had a life. The poor thing has been owned from the time she was born and I’m sure she hasn’t had a chance yet to decide for herself. I can’t quite say that its a bad thing to have had everything you ever wanted but then the caged feeling isn’t all that good I’d assume. I’ve always been the runaway prodigal son and thus I’ve managed to outlive parental expectations. Whatever I do is good for them – Wow! you managed that is probably what they think. Sneha on the other hand is expected to live upto our parents words and decisions and she’s be wonderful with being an optimum daughterdroid. We discussed marriage in length and it felt good talking to her about things on a more serious note. Well, thats how I ended my weekend. I’m covering the nights tomorrow onwards and I’m hoping to begin my workouts again. Finally, I hate stray dogs – they can bark endlessly throughout the night and sometimes I feel like rushing out, pulling a Mt. Carbine and killing each and everyone of the 40,000 odd strays living near my appartment. What a pain. Heh, but then… another day in paradise.

-Anup

Innocent love.

I watched this movie yesterday and I desperately wanted to talk about it, especially this one song; which forced me to go rent its DVD. The movie’s name is Subramaniapuram and I’m sure the non-southie crowd wouldn’t make sense out of the language and what it is that they’re saying. No worries, I’ll explain. But please take time to patiently watch the video and keep a close watch on the both of them. Its one of the most cutest songs I’ve seen in a while and it tickled me a lot when I watched it. Now, it needn’t be the same for everyone, but then I’m a helpless romantic *sigh*

The movie is set in the 1980’s and thats why you get to see the bell bottom trousers and the “davani” as we call it in the south. Some others might know it as “pattu pavada” thats what the heroine is wearing and these kind of traditional clothing hit me hard! In a world where less is more these kind of movies and people make me wanna live more! The end result of this movie is pretty tragic though and it tells us about how we shouldn’t trust women! Not all of them at least. They are easily bogged down by family and innocent love can be killed within a few minutes of hard talk! The song is about the girl and the guy, both talking about their love for each other. The guy speaks about her smile, how beautiful her eyes are and how she makes him feel and the girls describing what she sees in him from a distance everyday and how wonderful love makes her feel. She’s falling… Cuteness.

Well, thats all I had for today and I’d like to thank all the people who read here also the people who take time off to comment. I really appreciate the comments. Thats how I get to know about who reads here. Makes me wanna keep writing. So, please, keep it flowing!

-Anup

Near and dear.

I’m going through a phase in my life where I have quintals of time on hand. This doesn’t necassarily mean that I’m jobless or that I have nothing good to do. It just means that I find a lot of free time. Owing to facts such as being in a city where I don’t have a lot of friends, being away from family; thus reducing people who live with me and share the same roof, hmmm, I live alone. Close friends who seem to be nowhere near and in fact, far far away! Some of them distanced by land, some because of lack of time and the others because of my own emotional withdrawal. I’m missing them all. Also, I’ve realized that I am not and I don’t think I will ever be – someone who can quickly make friends. Its a very difficult process for me and friends one made must stay so forever, or so I’d think.

I’m missing Sneha a lot. I’m scared she’ll be gone one day. She’d need to walk into the whimsical world of marital bliss and thats when she’d be crowded by a lot of people I wouldn’t even know. I’d lose my little sister to all those strangers. Who essentially won’t be strangers anymore to her but will remain people I don’t know and I simply can’t fathom the thought of her going away or me not being able to talk to her the way I usually do. She’s someone I’ve loved limitlessly and someone I’d do anything for. Man!! I miss you so so much. I miss mom, but not as much. I talk to her very often and then Radha aunty is nothing less than mom for me. She’s always there when I need motherly advice and food *winks* so somehow, mom seems to be with me all the time. Dad and me have always had an unspoken problem and it has stagnated and grown on him and me for the past few years now. Especially since I did not meet upto his expectations when it came to earning degrees. Pfft, how I loathe professional qualifications. How essential is it? Think closely and you’d know that education is overrated. How many of those many many engineers actually use what they learnt? It just wasn’t for me, you know? Dad lives in a society where everyone comes to him for advice on what they need to do and he thinks its sad that he couldn’t draw up his own sons life. I’ve been trying my best at telling him that my life is beautiful the way it is and I’d want to work and design life on my own, but then he’s a dad and I’m a son we are living a common life. Father issues – how much more of a cliche can that be? I miss talking to him though, he’s the only person I lose to (with words) and he doesn’t even need to try.

Miss them all...
Miss them all...

I miss Abhi, Muiz, Smikh and I miss Convergys a lot. How I wish I could re-wind and go back to that day – 2nd May 2005. I walked in and saw this huge guy (who looked handsome but wore tight formals which were falling short of his ankles) and we sat opposite each other. He seemed to be in love with his hair and I must say they’re much shorter now *winks* Muiz was the first person I spoke to and he has been my friend ever since. Abhi was with Suvarna and he seemed like this fat snob who was too high on himself. He looked like he was about to take charge as the Director of Convergys, India. But he still laughed like a huge kid, even then. I remember him talking to Suvarna as I gazed at how big my company was. I had no clue about what I was getting into. Convergys was instrumental in shaping my career and has since then shown me the path I should follow. I’ve never stopped since. I miss every bit of my love life which lasted throughout Convergys and ended with it. I’m not sure if thats good or bad, but it was beautiful when it lasted. I miss being in love. I miss our magical magic bay at Convergys where we had non-stop masti (hindi for fun) and I miss Smikh, Mank behind her, Abhi to his right and me behind Abhi. Muiz asking me to host the server to play Counter-Strike even though he was on a call. Smita running around playing tipy-tipy-tip-top which color do you want? And “Green!” says Hitendra Rawat one of the awesomely vulgar guys in the networking team. Wow! It all seems like a dream now. I miss you Shags, I really do and I don’t understand your apathy to my existence. I wonder how it is that you’re just gone and I feel like you’ll never come back. Scares me, but then is there something I can do? I guess not. God damn it! Nostalgia fucks up my brain.

Farty
Farty

Chetan had come home cause we decided to work out on some Active Directory related stuff and I thought that’d be good, mostly cause it’d help my grungy brain. I usually have a lot of fun when Chetan is around and this time I was in for some added fun. The source of laughter this time wasn’t Chetan though he accompanied me as I teared with laughter and disgust. I’m sure most of us if not all would find it funny when someone farts or pretends to cough even or otherwise make funny noises using their stomach and intestines which needn’t necessarily be followed by repulsive odour, you know the ones where you’d suppress the want to let it go but it’d bounce within your stomach and make a funny noise? Hahaha, well this time, this middle aged lady was caught by surprise cause it was dark and she did not notice me and Chetan walking behind her. She let out one huge one and it sounded like “Bhrrrrrrrrrrr brrr brrr brrrr” and thats when she notices us from the side of her eyes and she made the “Ohh shit! no…ohh fart!” face and tried to redirect our attention to her chappals as she made some noises by scrubbing it on the road. This did not seem to fool either Chetan or me. I was wondering about what the hell that was as Chetan looked on dumbfounded and thinking to himself, “Man, thats a big one!” we then looked at each other and rebounded into peals of laughter where neither of us could stop. She hurried off not knowing what else to do! I really did try to control, but it was hilarious and I really laughed my ass out! Chetan made the whole situation even more funnier by trying to muffle his laughter. You actually laugh more when you’re trying to stop yourself from exploding and thats what happened to Chetan. All in all, this was a crazy laugh day and I loved the whole therapy! Cheered me up. Thanks aunty.

I watched “A Wednesday” Its a movie involving Anupam Kher and Naseeruddin Shah and it was one of the best movies I’ve watched over the last few months. A small scale movie with no stupid songs and gripping from the beginning unto its end. Also, the message is pretty clear. Its about how the common man feels and about how one fine day the “stupid common man” can decide to reply to all the unwanted shit he has to deal with because of the numerous religious fanatics out there. I mean, I got Naseer’s point, “Koi madarchod button dabakar mere liye yeh faisla nahi karega ki mujhe kabh marna hai” Which means “No motherfuckers decides the time of my death on the press of a button” Bloody kill these bastards! I’m sure anyone who watched the movie would say the same. Terrorism needs to end and I wonder why the government keeps such people alive. They have the whole funda of “encounter” so why do they keep such pests alive? If you find them, shoot them, no questions asked and no answers awaited. They are apparently kept alive for more “information” but as if they’re going to give any. Fuckin’ waste them! They’ve messed enough already with near and dear ones and with people who make up our world. People; looking at whom we feel safe and the most important feeling of “I’m not alone” This should all end. Heh, big things for me to say when whats worrying me now is what I should have for lunch.

-Anup

Meeting strangers.

Meeting strangers hasn’t ever been a big deal and I don’t think its a difficult thing to do. Infact, I’d say its easy cause the person/people you’re meeting don’t actually know you. You have it in your power to form an impression which may possibly be different from the one you’ve made up back with your friends, family and the society in general. This of course is useful only if you know yourself well. Now, I know that hiding what you actually are isn’t the correct way of living your life and it can prove costly later on. The thing here is, you don’t need to necassarily hide parts of you. In my humble opinion, choosing not to unpack information you don’t quite want to share about yourself is something you can do and that shouldn’t be classified as a lie. Its just being smart at the right time. The catch here is, don’t make yourself look worse off than what you already are. Easier then, just be yourself! I was just rambling.

So I met a stranger recently. Well, not really a stranger, but someone I did not know much about. During times like these you have to agree that changes are as welcome as air when you can’t breathe. Meeting new people is an important part of your life cause the more people you meet, the more friends you make. Every stranger you meet won’t exactly end up being your friend. Frequencies should match and then the magical magic bond called friendship should happen and in my case, this takes time. Add to this, my recent encounters with friendship and friends overall hasn’t been quite memorable and I’d like to get over that chapter of my life as soon as possible.

I wouldn’t want to describe much about the episode, but then I wanted to everyone to make note of key facts about life:

  • Don’t be timid and sit at home, it brings you nothing.
  • You can’t hide from the world, you’re a part of it.
  • Meeting new people is fun – go for it!
  • The auto-guys in Bangalore are the meanest people in the world, try walking.
  • Do not eat food that hasn’t been covered and has small insects hovering above them.
  • Green on blue might not be the best choice of colors, people might think its a uniform.
  • Expensive flats in posh localities make you feel good! Ohh yeah.

Uhm, meeting this new friend and talking on a variety of subjects somehow seemed to do me a world of good and I feel better by the day. She was kind enough to introduce me to a couple of her friends too and show me around her place, which I must say rocked. I guess thats the reason she wanted to show it off in the first place. I mean, I never thought about that side of town. I thought it was some sort of a post apocalyptic wasteland and there’d be no one there. So within a span of 4 hours I was in the midst of total strangers. One stranger and her friends. Now, usually, I wouldn’t tag along; but then in this case, she’s a warm person and her invite was sincere. All in all, I had a pretty good time and I’m happy I did this fun activity.

Rick Wright passed away on the 15th of September and well, I guess, slowly but steadily we’ll start getting news about these greats passing away. Rick was instrumentally involved with the music of Pink Floyd from the time of Syd Barett and its just sad that he’s no more. He was a self-taught pianist, they say and he was a very important part of the band. Its sad that he’s no more. May his soul RIP. So I’ve got class tomorrow and I think we’d be wrapping up with play writing by tomorrow. I’m tired for now, sleep time! Peace out.

-Anup