Thank you.

To my dear dearest,

I’m not quite sure on how to begin writing a letter to you. I guess its because you know almost all of what I feel and you know about everything I do. Sometimes I feel like you’re the reason for my actions. But then, I wish to write and I want to thank you for all the times you’ve been an angel and aided me through all these difficult times. You empowered me to win without struggling and you spoke to me. You smile comforted me even when I thought I was dying. Thats when you bent down to my ears and whispered, “I’ve just begun loving you! Where do you think you’re going?” You radiated affection even though you weren’t close. I could see you glow and I don’t think its a misfortune that I can never be close to you. You were like coming up for fresh air. It felt like I was drowning and you saved me. I never expected you to be around. I know you’d always be there. You’ve been my angel and I can’t love you enough.

I always fall short of words when I think of you and writing to you is an even more difficult thing to do. You already know about my affinity to words and how I love trying my hand at weaving them into something more than just words. You’ve always managed to read through my defenses. You’re one of those very few people who can read me; right off my face and exceptionally well off my words. Now that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do what I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve always wanted to tell you how thankful I am for always being there and always listening to me. I know that you’d be on my side even if its my fault.  

So I’ll move over to what you mean to me and about how much I love you. Now I don’t want to sermonize you and go on writing prose on how awesome you are because I guess I’ve already told you that so many times. Instead, let me make this short, simple and neat!

You held my hands again, tighter this time;
You dived into my eyes, deeper this time;
Your words, silent and comforting.
Your love, pure and mesmerizing.

My time, good and bad; they stem from you,
Your anger gets nasty, but I love you too!
Loving kisses and careless whispers,
I miss you… can’t stop my heart murmurs.

Please don’t go away; I can’t see you leave,
I won’t ask for much of your time,
Just think of me when you can,
Cause I’d be waiting for you in unending grief.

I still see your eyes shine from this far away,
You’re like a diamond in the skies;
And rain clouds like these wont make you go away.
You’d be eternal for me even if you’d say your good-byes…
All I wanted to say is that I love you too;
Thank you.

-Anup

Questions…

I had these meandering thoughts in my head and I had to get it out. Sometimes the pain of losing love and someone you thought was very important is an abstract loveless feeling that cannot be explained. All you can do is live through it and endure it. A few rambling thoughts…

And here I am… again,
Thinking about a song…
But all I can think about is you;
Trying in vain to forget the bargain,
My tears for your joy,
Wasn’t that an easy thing for you to do?

How long do you think you can run?
From questions and my agony,
How much time do you have left with you?
It’ll dawn upon you someday,
You were everything to me…
To my eyes, you looked brighter than the sun.

You left my hands and you left my side,
When you promised so many times that you wouldnt;
All your lies and fakes smiles,
Isn’t it true that you loved it when I cried?
I was insane and I was mad
I just craved for your love; but you said you couldnt…

Mistakes were made and time was lost,
You went your way and left me alone;
Help me here! How do I fill the void?
What you have now has come to you at my cost.
Into me its spaces that you’ve sown,
Its my love that you’ve killed and I have died.

Then why is it that your ghosts haunt me?
Answer me now! Or else leave me in peace;
I can’t take this pain anymore, don’t you see?
Dreams of a fresh beginning; they seem blurry,
But without you in my head, I see them more cleary…
Call these to be my last words to you;
I will love you forever and there is nothing you can do…

Well now, thats just a fictional little story. Just something that came to my head sometime back and since we have regular power outages here, I just thought I’d type it in. I hope it entertains someone. I won’t lie; my life is beautiful!