Year: 2009

Special friends

This post is dedicated to all those guys who are “special friends” with one girl or more. Here is me, Anup, sympathetically empathizing with your piteous state of mind and thereby offering you’ll my sincerest condolences. I know how you feel and I wish to speak for our kind today. Our kind, the male race that is. Stupid that we are! What I’ve noticed over due course of observation and scientific research conducted on myself again through careful observation and timely misjudgments is that I cannot find that muse which blessed me with the so said luck of being a man. its difficult being a girl/women, they’d tell you. I’d want to know why. I really do! Agreed that you’re the mother but please! spare yourself that embarrassment. We already know that. I’d want to discuss on the following (considering that most part of my readers would be either Indians or random stray spam but even that, I’d expect for them to be from India)

– Don’t you’ll have the option to say no? To each and everything that comes your way these days?
– Don’t you get reduced IT bills?
– Don’t you have reservations everywhere you’ll go? The freakin’ bus even!
– More recently, reservations for you’ll in the government. What in the name of god?

Most importantly, and todays prime point – Don’t you decide the fate of friendship? Yes, thats right; with a guy. I don’t quite care about your girl friends but the guys, how is it that you always have the glorious power and unarguable ability to move from acquaintance to friend to something more and then suddenly to “special friend” out of nowhere? Alright, now, I’d want to explain of what I’ve drawn thus far from the title of a “special friend” To begin with, I’d like to define it like Wren and Martin would. Special friend – being verb; a guy, point to note, special friends are useable in any form or kind until they deteriorate into nothing but a moulded form of flubber which can thereby be thrown around to please one’s heart or cause an effect on the walls; uhm, just for fun.

I’d want to try and understand something and thats precisely why I’m going to put this up for public ridicule and contempt. This is something I’ve learnt over a period of careful observation and I might be wrong or in fact, I am wrong but then, here is what I’ve noticed. Its practically impossible for that guy and this girl to be “just friends” or “special friends” this is just two hypocrites trying to hide the obvious. Deal with it! Like they said in one of those old hindi movies… yeah, that same old line. Please! For the love of god, there is no special friendship. You’re either friends with me, where the both of us are under the mercy of natural selection to be mates or else, just go our own ways, kapiche? Its seriously silly to do the we-are-close-friends-and-nothing-more thing. Sup with that? Question to you girls – help me understand; when you know that this guy ain’t for you; Why would you? a) Fall all over him and give him the jiggle? b) Not miss an opportunity to show him that you care? c) Add those killing sweet words here there in your messages – the love you’s and the miss you’s and ohh on some occasions *kisses and sweets* hell yeah! I’ve seen even that. d) Let him reach the point where he finally gives in and says the final line that makes him the worst kinda person you ever met, “I think I am falling…”

Uhh? What? (thats the expression) “How could you even think of this? Don’t you know we’re special friends?” or maybe “I never thought of you that way…” this is golden and ohh the, “You’re a nice guy, but… family!?” Seriously! Help me understand, as if you did not know that all this was coming? Isn’t this all just a silly game? A thrill? A power ride? I don’t quite understand the sadistic pleasure you get out of doing this to a guy. Now, I totally understand that there are guys out there with the charm and grace required to catch you off guard and put you through misery but I’m not one of those and I’m not talking in reference to those guys. I’m talking in reference with us commoners. The one’s who might have a little paunch, the nerdy-geeky ones, the stupid ones and the ones you know will easily fall for all your antiques! Common, you know those paavams* hanging around hoping for you to look at them. Spare them the pain, will you?

Alright, I think I’m going to wrap this up. I’ve got a couple of special friends who’d probably kick my ass for this! Peace out suckers and yes, remember, there is no such thing; its all a mirage. They are not for real. Look clear and keep your ears open. I don’t ask for anyone to be cynical assholes but I guess, we should learn from our mistakes thus far. Draw a line somewhere; be it in friendship or anything else. Value yourself. Its alright to give in if she’s the worth the pain else, RUN! Don’t stand there and stare at her like a zombie. Dont let that scary meduse turn you into stone. Use your brain and read all the signs. Use your brains and all those hidden senses. Finally, if you fail, don’t worry – you’d find yourself writing a post like this somewhere down the years. I understand, we have an incorrigible heart and mind. I hate it when they win; always, time and again. Hail womaniacs!

-Anup

P.S: I know the part where I spoke about less IT and reservation in the government is out of place, but uhm, I just wanted to put it in there. Its sad! I dont understand WHY! And yes, I’ll be around more often!

Happy birthday Abhi!

Abhi

I’ve been in a rut for over a month now and I guess I’m experiencing my first ‘Writers Block’ It’s a rut of remaining tucked in. Cuddled up within my warm fuzzy comforter. Ohh yeah, you heard that right. A comforter in Dubai? When it’s burning down on the sands? The carrier AC in my room is broke and it functions at 16 degree celcius. So, yes, its freezing. But thats alright as far as I’m concerned because I can withstand the cold but never the heat. The early morning heat ruins my want for more sleep, the afternoon heat eats up on my apetite (I dig the pun here) and the evening heat kills my want to wander out and ogle at the triple calved escorts roaming the streets of Bur Dubai. I tell you, French women are something else! JHC, what thighs! Tiny trouser kinda thingies, heels that’d make them taller than Prahlad who is six feet two and diamond cut stockings which could make me wanna throw up. Now I’m sure that’s a sight you’d never want to miss cause precisely; at that very second, when you ponder at reasons for them appearing the way they do… you’d find this amazing BMW 7200 slowly pull up to one of them and they’d slid right in. wOOt ehh? Point being, I’m a home-office-bathroom-commode-office-repeat kinda guy right now and I’m blissfully happy.

Coming to why I actually decided to blog; considering my enormous bout of lethargy and its visible side effects, its Mr. Shedge’s birthday! Ohh yes, Abhijit Shedge has turned uhm, XX years old. He’s lived another glorious year still reigning the world and still the creator of the Matrix. The Matrix that we live in. Yes, you got that right. He is that man who knows everything. He knows why you smile, he knows whats going on in your head and he even knows what you’d do tomorrow at 11:00 AM and if he doesn’t, all he needs to do is to look up his chat logs. Abhi’s chat logs are magical, you know? These logs seem to know things he knows plus more. Simply put, he’s amazing. And I’m not even kidding or being sarcastic, if thats what you’ll think this is. This is a clear word picture of one of the most valuable people in my life.

I’m too far away to give him a hug, a gift and loads to laugh about but I thought I’d take up this opportunity to do something I can do – Give him a few days of fame on this blog (yeah, you got that right!) and secondly thank him. Somehow, when it comes to Abhi, however much I say, thank you’s just dont seem to suffice. He’s the kind of guy who’d stick by when you’ve been nothing but an asshole. The kinda guy you’d find at your doorstep… BEFORE YOU CALL FOR HIM! Most importantly, he’s the kind of guy who’d never miss a phone call. That’s life saving, you know? To have people like him in your life is nothing short of a miraculous gift from god. Most people go all their lives without friends like him and I’m happy that he’s been around, from the times when we were nothings. But we were together at it. I’m proud of having outgrown my self-proclaimed poverty of money, sense and maturity along with him. He’s still immature though and his PJ’s are out of this world. Those are jokes that can be digested only by the tall man – Chetan Parik. What strikes me the most is his sense and understanding which suddenly seems to pop out of nowhere when it comes to things outside his circle of comfort. He’ll quickly turn into this calm, well spoken, knowledgeable guy who can connect with everyone around him without an effort! Where we may take months and years to make friends, he takes days. And I can go on about Abhi but then I guess I’d end this cause I just don’t want any spoil sights looking at him.

Abhi, if not 100, may you live a million years more in complete harmony with all your loved ones around and I’m dying to return into that protective circle. I cannot explain how insecure I feel when I’m not around my people; especially you, Muiz and Smikh. This is the best I can do for now – a treat to your eyes. Here’s about you and only you on my blog. Wish you many happy returns of the day. Happy budday to you, hatthi padla pu pu! Thanks for being there brother… from another mother. I’ve always wanted to use that idiom. Neat ehhh?

-Anup

Dubai

DubaiYou know what’s good about working on a Sunday? Nothing. I’m at work today and it makes me sad when I notice that its Sunday. I’m habituated to a non-working Sunday. Like I’ve mentioned before; I love the Rajni song – “Aaj Sunday hai… aaj Sunday hai… <pause> to din mein daaru peene ka day hai…” I mean, it’s not like I get drunk. Huh, barely even. I’m tired of the high I get out of canned Mango juice which is so sweet that it gives you a sugary high. I’ve added “Joos” by “Insert undecipherable Arabic here” company (which makes the most amazing canned Mango syrup I have ever tasted) into my daily diet. Sorry for complicating that statement but I had to put it across like this for optimum delivery of my current experience.

I apologize for the lack of new words here. I’ll justify my absence on the basis of my new found luck in Dubai. As I mentioned, in my previous post; here I am in Dubai working for one of the two telecom giants in this part of the world. I do not wish to correct my previous post and therefore, I’d like to use this space to thank Muiz for enlightening me to the fact that Dubai is not a country. So here I am in Dubai city and in the UAE. So why haven’t I been posting here? Considering that these are the most jubilant days of my life… allegedly. I’m used to babbling to the many ghosts who visit this blog. They are all just a figment of my imagination. But then, I don’t know how I feel right now. I’m supposed to be happy and elated but all I feel is a mixture of happy-sad moments where I crave to be back in my flat in Bangalore, my home and the comfort of my soft quill and the not so soft bed. I sometimes crave for my car and for the tea that my regular chay-wala made for me. Most annoyingly, I miss my family. I never missed them all this much when I was in Bangalore and I wonder why it is that I miss them all the more now. On that note, gather around. Pep talk – It costs me less than 1000 dhs for flight tickets to India and back. How neat is that? Alright, so I’ll keep the bullshit aside for now and come to the point. Why didn’t I write?

  • No original content.
  • Lethargy.
  • I was genuinely busy upto the 10th of this month.
  • I’m bored of myself and almost everyone else.
  • I suck.
  • Youtube wouldn’t work on my laptop ;(
  • Get lost now! Sup with you jobless people reading this crap?

For now and for this specific post; I’m not going to get into details. I will, however, provide minutes for the events that transpired over the last month. Whatever happened; happened after the 14th of April. A very auspicious day for us mallu’s!  It was Vishu and I was resting after a heavy meal. Point to note that I had attended quick interview rounds from XYZ Company 2 days before but I wasn’t expecting much because I always thought that good things never happened to me.

  • Call from the HR of XYZ Company with the offer letter.
  • Job location mentioned – Dubai, UAE.
  • Compensation – out of this world when compared with what I get now.
  • Joining date – ASAP; approximate date 5th of May.
  • Return to Bangalore.
  • Resignation at HP and ongoing problems with shortfall in notice period.
  • No hope and no use in trying to convince a manager who is bound by “policies” <yes sarcasm>
  • Accepted the offer and promised to join on the 5th.
  • Packed up my stuff and sent it to my new house in Kerala.
  • Said good bye to almost all the important people in Bangalore.
  • Drove down to Kerala, solo. It was one hellova ride.
  • Attended a huge family get together for the Pooja of my new house there.
  • Around 30 people turned up for the Pooja and over 120 people turned up for the lunch thereafter. Notice the discrepancy?
  • Spent some quality time with my family as the heat and humidity teamed up in a combined effort to torture us.
  • Finally went to Aathirapilly waterfalls and it was breathtaking.
  • Throughout this while, it was amazing that I couldn’t quite establish a decent dialogue with dad. I hate myself for that.
  • The ticket and Visa arrived on the 1st after a lot of anxious waiting.
  • Packing up thereafter did not take more than a couple of hours.
  • Bid farewell to my folks and luckily, this time, mom did not cry. She was calm and composed. This worried me because she is someone who cries each time I say good bye. I guess we did not have much time at the airport. Probably that’s why.
  • The airport roughed me up with a bill for 4500 /- Rs after having removed most of my books, shoes and blankets and the bag containing it. Extra luggage. Did you know that the maximum weight allowed in case of International flights is 20 kgs? YES!! That’s exactly what is charged in our national flights. Fly Emirates sucked like that. But then, I enjoyed the fact that they had a tv built in to the back of their seats which facilitated an easy passage of time. Plus, complimentary breakfast of “Kadala curry and Upma” damn that combination!
  • I could smell the barren land as I stepped out of the flight and felt the heat, the real heat for the first time!
  • Suddenly Kerala seemed like Mt. Abu to me.
  • I rushed into the waiting A/C buses and I’ve been indoors ever since.
  • I am currently living at the company guest house which is a 3BHK flat at a plush location in Dubai. Burjman, Bur Dubai to be exact.
  • I cannot afford to like this place cause uhm, well… I cannot afford the kinda rent they demand in this part of town.
  • I’d need to find a place by the end of this month and I’m clueless right now.
  • The transportation system out here is good in spite of all the traffic jams. Its luxurious and seems inexpensive when compared to what’s being given.
  • We have nothing less than Toyota Camry’s running as taxi’s. I’ve always wanted to ride in one of those and well, that’s that.
  • Current debacle and ongoing debate with myself and Mr. Prahlad Singh, my only respite amongst all the new people around me.
  • He’s a new person too, but then; clicks with some people instantly, doesn’t it?
  • We’ve decided to look for a house together and I’m crawling my way towards settling down.
  • I’ve begun exploring Dubai. From within the walls and cool rooms mind you! This is the time when the Middle East lights up its pyre.
  • I managed to be inside the worlds largest mall and I did see the worlds only (self acclaimed) 7 start hotel and yes, the worlds largest building, the Burj Dubai. I went nuts as I witnessed these awesome structures and I’m at awe for the wonders man can build.
  • Over and above all this, work, which is the reason I came here has been good and very enriching thus far.
  • I hope to get my hands dirty with technologies like Clustering/ISA/SMS/MOM/ILM2 and HMC.
  • People who do not understand technology might want to ignore that. But for those who do know – you’ll know thats a handful!

That’s just about it for now. There is more to discuss but I guess I’ll keep that for later. I’m sure that things will go back to where it was. I will write more regularly and yes; I do hope to travel. Finally, it’s too early for this but I do miss my land and its killing me that I’ll miss out on the wet smell of fresh mud. I will miss the yearly rains and I’d sweat it out here in the Middle East where summer has just begun. To all my people – I miss you’ll!

Musebox 26

As another chapter in my life comes to an end; well, not actually to an end but its a fresh new start to an already ongoing chapter which was full of a stagnant, smelly, pathetic excuse of an essential experience called love or so it seemed like a mirage on a hot summer day in deep deserts. What I’m talking about is the fact that I’m shifting base. Since I said I would talk about it before I leave. Here’s an official announcement – from the looks of it, I’d be travelling to this hot, mid eastern country called Dubai and I’m hoping to have a fresh new shot at life devoid of the ghosts of my past that seem to haunt me mercilessly. I’d be working as a Microsoft consultant for XYZ Ltd. and I’m praying for all this to NOT be a dream, if you know what I mean? Dates would remain unannounced for now but yes, I’d be moving out very soon and I’m excited.

I think I need to excogitate a sane way to make more friends and be more socially interactive. On a more seriously plausible note, I’d like to be more approachable and calm. Its a new place and its a golden opportunity to restart, a place where no one knows me and I know no one. Its going to be fun! This thought came to me as I mulled over a lazy afternoon full of activities that I was trying to avoid. For example, the moving guys came today and took away all of my beloved household items. This left my flat in a state of disarray. I was supposed to go sort things out and pack up the remaining bits and pieces but then I did not. I just stayed at home (at Radha aunty’s) and brooded on endlessly. Sometimes I hate my incorrigible mind. I try hard to control the rampant self-loathing bozo that I am but I have failed miserably and thats pushed me more and more into the corner. I wonder why I chagrin myself like this? Guess it’d be easier to just dig a hole and take cover. Wish I were a coward. Anyway, where is this pointless ramble going?

Musebox 26 is to discuss my achievements and losses over the last 1 and a half years; considering all of that to be part of the same legendary story that I have lived thus far, post Convergys. I thought I’d talk about my gains and my losses and the list is long. Therefore, I’ve come up with just one section of the entire agenda, which in itself is a mammoth task. I thought I’d discuss people. Yes, I am a feeble mind. Who gives a fuck about what you think anyway? I’ve always wanted to discuss the people in my life but I thought I’d let it wait and simmer. I will probably re-model it into the People section one fine day but for today I wish to talk about a few very influential people who have been substantially involved through most part of my previous chapter. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of them for their consistent efforts in bringing my life to the perfect harmony of untamed thoughts that it is, as of today. The big deal is, I’ve escaped the tornado with just a few bruises and cuts and its because of these people.

So the perennial glass half empty kinda guy that I am, let me talk about losses first. I’d like to dedicate the losses section to just two people. M & S. Now its unfortunate that I cannot name people in here but then, I’m sure they’d know if they ever come by. I consider the both of you’ll to be one of the biggest loss’ I have ever experienced. Its been painful, full of remorse and traumatic. I could have never fathomed the possibility of you’ll not being in my life but then it is unfortunate that things ended the way they did and there is nothing in this world that cannot be forgiven. I’d like to make it very clear that I have absolutely no ill-feelings for the both of you’ll and that I wish you all sorts of success in your future together. My belief of people belonging together has been strengthened by whatever has happened over the past year and a half, especially the part involving the three of us. I understand that some things are just meant to be and there is no denying a loss in love. I accept your loss and I wish from the pit of my heart that I be able to move on. The way you’ll have, so easily and without discomfort. I’m in awe of your strong hearts and I sincerely hate those very few seconds where I wished I were like you’ll.

One a more positive note, I have achieved a lot over the last year and a half (now I know that I’ve repeated this a couple of times, but then, what else do I do? I need to emphasize my point here, kapiche?) I’d like to thank the following people in no specific order for the kindness and closeness they have shown and I’m thankful to the power who let me at you’ll. In no specific order:

Sneha: I know that family wasn’t to be involved but then, I hope you know that you are a friend to me just as well. Thanks for being a pillar and thanks for being there through another chapter in my life. I cannot thank you enough. You are one of the most reliable and consistent friends I have ever had and I could not have asked for a better sister. I repeat, thanks a lot.

Abhijit: Abhi, I’m sure you’d love this part; the limelight hogger that you are! I’ve always wanted to do this and I promise to get this done better sometime later next month. But for now, I’d like to say that you’ve been this endearing cushion of friendship, strength, patience and everything else that makes a perfect friend. I’m sure you are a friend to many but I’m glad that I find a spot in your list of wannabe Abhijit Shedge friends! I couldn’t have reached this far sanely without your help and phone calls which have been so consistent that sometimes I thought you were a robot full of love. A sincere suggestion for you though – stop being so fucking nice. Get a fucking life. *winks*

Muiz and Shaista: For the silent presence.

Sanket: For all your ignorance.

Nikhil, Chetan and Ratheesh: I’m sorry for clubbing you guys in together, but then all of you’ll have been of prime importance in the very same role and thats all that I’d be glorifying in this session of continuous nonsense. You’ll have been all ears to my story and listened when you did not need to. You’ve acted as shock absorbers and I couldn’t have survived those humps without you’ll. Chetan and Nikhil thanks for all the laughs and giggles.

Ajay: Thanks for making me sound ohh-so-awesome! Heh, as we discussed yesterday – your presence is irreplaceable. Shine on.

Ruch: You reappeared after a long gap of over 6 years but trust me, within 6 months, I’m sure we have covered up for all that lost time and space. I love every second that I talk to you and I love the crap we talk. You make me smile without any efforts and I dont need to think twice before talking to you. Thanks for all the ‘pings’ and thanks for not waiting to be ‘pinged’  ^5 and you rock… like a crazy mad girl should!

Smikh: There is little that I can say or talk about you cause you know, its difficult to share you *winks* but then, here’s a little piece of you that is for keeps and I feel humbled that I have you as my friend. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that you have been amongst my best friends cause I do not understand that concept. But then, I’d like to point out that you’re not one of my ‘special friends’ either. You are more than a friend and that will always remain that way.

Well, thats it with this horrendously long entry. Friendships divine. I sincerely hope things work out for me and I’m hopeful that all this wouldn’t burst open like a soap bubble. I’d like to conclude with the following line from “Smells like teen spirit – Nirvana”. This is for our small little gang from Convergys. This is especially for Abhi, M&S, Sanket and Muiz:

Our little group has always been…
And always will, until the end.

-Anup