Sometimes I wonder; what it’d be like, to have a friend. A friend close enough to know everything about me. A friend who would never turn on me. Someone who’d always share and someone who wouldn’t betray. I’m not sure how this feels, but I guess it feels like heaven to have someone like that. To have a genuine friend. Or in laymen terms, to have a “best friend”
I’ve never had someone like that unfortunately and from the beginning, I’ve just crawled, squeezed or pushed myself into being part of some group and then just linger around till it breaks off. Well, when I look back at myself and the friends I’ve had, its just a handful and most of them don’t even know where I am now. Uhm, no, this is not one of those posts dedicated to my loneliness. This one is dedicated to friendship and how I miss it.
I have to add that I’ve been part of one of the best gangs ever; at my workplace that is and I knew quite a lot of people who envied the way we were. Maybe thats what went wrong, or maybe the fact that we weren’t well balanced as a gang. Each and everyone of us had our own secret problems and dark secrets which when revealed bought a series of breakups which resulted in the overall annihilation of the so called “coolest gang” on earth! I’ve decided to be away from people and I’m not sorry about it. What I’m sorry about is the fact that I’ve had a few people walk into my life who would have been really close to me had I given them a chance. Instead, I preferred to sit with myself and curse the gods about how lonely he’s made me. Even now, I can get up and go get something to do, but well, I just don’t feel like it. I prefer sitting in front of my machine here, which simply rocks my world after the upgrade and play games, surf the internet and watch series after series; current one – Scrubs!
So, coming back to the best friend topic. I know that it’s a pretty girlish thing or so most of the guys might feel. But somehow, I like the idea of having a best friend. It’d be so cool to be like JD and Turk or like Ted and Marshall! To know that come what may, there’d be this person who’d give you a hug and say that he’s there for you. And seriously, I’d always prefer a guy to take this spot because of the complexities that may develop if its a girl, you know? Love and all? Pfft and puthuiiii! I seem to feel weird when I even think about the word. The point here is, I really miss having a best friend and being someones best friend. It’s like a title you’d like to own.
One last question: Does it make me a “psycho” or a “madman” if I’m in love with someone and feel insecure? Especially when that person has broken my trust numerous times.