My addictions.

I’ve been tagged! I’ve been in a state of animated bliss of late and I sincerely apologize to all the readers because I don’t know why. Sometimes I feel like I’m falling in love and then I take a step back. Mostly because my recent love-addiction turned out to be my worst nightmare and I’m still recovering from its rather long-lasting aftermath. That’s one thing too many in one, if you know what I mean. If you don’t – Its just one thing (seemingly) but its like an onion skin. The deeper you dig the more you tear up and the lesser you get out of it. Arghhh! What the fuck is wrong with me? Ranting unreasonably has become a thing with me these days. I can’t let myself fall in love because if I do; this time, I’ll surely lose some very important people and I’m not taking chances. Nope, I’m not in for a gamble Abhi. She’s special though, no doubt! Coming back to my point – I’ve been tagged by Layman and he’s one amongst two people I’ve met through my blog and theirs. Some strangers are nice and thats not because they are mallus.

I’m not going to be generic when talking about stuff that I’m addicted to. I mean, it’d be just another clichéd post if I say I’m addicted to my friends, family, food and water. I’m sure these would be taken for granted. I’d talk about the broader ideas here or lets say my abstract addictions. My addictions(as of now) are as follows:

Entertainment
Entertainment

1) Entertainment
Taking into account simple facts like my age and where I come from, it wouldn’t be unusual for me to be addicted to the activities that entertain me. Rock music, movies – gore, sci-fi, thrillers, romance; you name it and I’ve been there. Gaming and my genuinely large cd/dvd collection of movies stands testament to the fact that I’m making ample use of my uber cool tv without having subscribed to Tata Sky which charges an exorbitant amount as compared to the local cable walas who’d drive you nuts with their poor quality picture. I’ve since then decided to stick to my games and movies. I’m addicted to my PS2. Games like God of War, Final Fantasy and Devil May Cry take me into a fantastic world where I can do what I could otherwise never have. Run in bullet time, shoot like a mad-man, slash a sword, fight my evil twin and finally, MAGIC! I’m addicted to music, to the likes of Pink Floyd, Staind, POTF and many others and I can hereby declare that I cannot live without the album “The Division Bell” Movie addiction includes Hollywood and almost all in the mallu movie range. Mohanlal movies time spanned between 1980 to around 2000 are awesome and I’d watch a re-run any day!

2) My computers
I know that I could have easily included this in the addiction above but then I wanted to highlight this as a cut above the classification of entertainment and more about why I’m addicted to these boxes in black. I have even named my computer and he’s had that name since the time I bought him. Which was around 4 years ago. I’ve kept on adding things to his stomach which made him faster and stronger but I’ve referred to him as Blacky forever now. I’m addicted to the box and there is no turning away. It earns me my living, keeps me connected to my loved ones, lets me learn a lot of new things and most importantly; it is the source of almost all the things and feelings that keeps me alive. Its me in an inorganic form. I’m in love with the box and I don’t want to do anything about it. Computers in plural there because I now have a lappy (HP given) and its a very handy thing. I’m not too attached to it because I may have to give it away some day.

3) English
Like I’ve mentioned before my addiction to the language is something I’ve been almost brutal with. Abhi is a liar when he proclaims that I condemn the English speaking skills of other people. I’ve never done that. Neither have I ever boasted about my way with the language. Its my never ending love for it which has gotten me addicted to the language. This along with computers paved my way into a secure more bright future and I’m thankful for what its given me. I’m addicted to using it as much as possible. Even at home! Thats a funny thing overall. I’m multicultural at home. Dad – English, Sneha – Hindi, Mom – Malayalam. Sometimes its a mix and I’d like to refer to it as Einglam though Sneha calls it Hinglish.

Inner expressions.

4) Writing
My writing isn’t limited to my blogs and that’s something I’m kinda happy about. I have a journal (however girly this might sound; alright, fuck you guys!). Mostly, I’d keep the sensitive, emotional and more curious side of me to my journal and those questions are only for me to answer. The blog is a place where I vent out, rant and more recently reach out. I love the thought of meeting up like minded people. Mob who loves writing has always been one of my fantasies. Like a blog meet maybe? I noticed that there were a few that happened recently and they turned out to be a huge success. I’d totally love to meet more people addicted to blogging or writing thereby! I’d rather not talk about it, but then I have the itch, the inexhaustible itch to talk about something I really wanna hide. I’m working on a book, a novel even. I know I’m not brilliant but I’m surely capable and my story is worth a chance to be read

5) Shopping
Shopping is not only my secret hideout when I’m scared, defeated and dejected but its also what brings me the feel good factor when I’m bored and out of things to do.  Now I know that this sounds a bit stupid but then, it helps me and I’m sure it helps a lot of others. Its a known fact that buying things for yourself makes you feel happy. Gives you the punch you need when you want to mourn some more and are out of energy! Heh, thats what happened to me when I was in an abysmal state. A few sub-addictions here are – shopping for food! I am a foodie (says Abhi) and then I love spending the money I earn.

Guess that’s about it. There are a lot of other addictions but they are a bit too important to elaborate. I’d just name them though – Family, Friends and love. I’m addicted to them and I’d be addicted for life. Uhm, that concludes this rather massive but fun post and I’d like to thank Layman for throwing this in. Also, not to forget, I’m going on a road trip next weekend. I’d be leaving Bangalore on Sunday the 9th and I’m driving down to Kerala – Trichur. Funny thing is; I have no clue about the road and I’m going to depend on my cousin who’d be accompanying me. Da Layman, where in Kerala are you?

-Anup

Clear skies.

Here’s a little something that came into my head out of event horizon:

Clear skies, yet again
A blessing to your eyes
Orange dawn drives me insane.
From within me guzzles;
Warm thoughts of life,
Hope within hopes
Lies within lies,
Wants and desires,
Dreams and pain;
Concealed within hot fires,
All of them so seemingly hidden,
Beyond the horizon;
Some warmth from within the cold.
Chirping birds and humming bees,
Yellow light – mystic and crimson…
Clear skies – blue, orange and white,
Studded with me, me and me!

A clear sky
A clear sky

It was a lovely feeling early today morning. I’m not sure how but like Chetan said yesterday… nature knows that its festive time maybe. Heavy rains lashing the city stopped well before Diwali and has since then shown mercy to the midgets that we are. Living off of whatever is thrown down to us, inconsiderate and nothing but a plague to Gaya and the life she carries within herself. We continue to hurt her and there seems no end. We really are a plethora of erosive parasites and we’re slowly eating her up. But then, she’s ever forgiving and God is loving. I have no other justification to the wonderful people in my life right now and I’m insanely happy. 

Diwali
Diwali

We celebrated Diwali pompously on the 27th; uhm yeah, one full day ahead of when it actually was! But then, it made me very happy cause I have such amazing people in my life and I’d consider myself to be lucky if at least these few people stick by. Ratheesh and Chetan had come over with crackers that we bought for 60% discount (apparently) . We visited the temple and prayed (good guys, aren’t we?) burst some crackers and here’s when me and Chetan got a dose of poisonous fumes and the both of were in neck deep trouble. He ended up uncomfortable, cold and itchy and I was breathless. I couldn’t sleep much because my lungs kept me awake. I just couldn’t breathe when I tried to lie down. Radha aunty was a life saver yesterday morning. I was looking for some medical shop that would be open but none of them were and I decided to ask Radha aunty if she knew of some place. Thats when she gave me an inhaler that she had and I’d say it saved my life. Food and now this! Man, you’re awesome. Speaking of food; we stuffed ourselves with sweets and by day end it kinda got me and Ratheesh into a lot of shit; literally *winks*

Scanner Darkly
Scanner Darkly

I’m compelled to talk about this movie I watched – A Scanner Darkly. Now, this was the first Rick LinkLater movie I watched and I haven’t watched ‘Waking life’ but I’ve heard a lot about it and I need to watch it as soon as this download is over. I’ve become an abuse to the internet, a leecher with no morals cause I don’t like seeding. I download and then stop. Damn! these days, I don’t like the idea of sharing. Anyway, the movie talks about a guy and thereby indicating a world full of drug addicts and the the paranoia, perceptual distortions, and chaos of hallucinogenic overindulgence. Keanu Reaves does an awesome job as per uge’ and I love his style. I’ve loved him in movies like “The Matrix Trilogy” and “Constantine” he’s been amazing in movies like “The Lake House” “A walk in the clouds” and now this. The guy does an amazing job of portraying emotions in a not-so-shahrukhanish style! To the point, clear, concise and stylish. I did watch a few other movies – Contract Killers, A Cinderella Story, Quarantine and a few more but Scanner Darkly was different because of its story line and the animation done to people who actually acted in the movie. Looked creepy, mysterious and thats what made the movie even more gripping. A couple of good things that happened over the weekend – Abhi is back! I’m happy that he is. I got the t-shirt I’ve been wanting since ever – The Division Bell and it totally rocks. Finally, I’m playing Dante – Devil May Cry 3 and so far, its an outstanding game. I can’t explain how awesome it is. Not right now at least cause I’m into it so maybe the next time I’d ramble on about the game! Peace out suckers.

-Anup

The drama called life.

We’ve heard this so many times – Life’s a bitch! People casually talking about life as if they know what it is all about. Now, I’m by no means indicating that I’m out of the crowd here. I’m just as self-righteous as all those stupid-ass mortals who think they know what life is and brag about how sad they are for not being closer to god. Just so that they can brown-nose him into a life on a bed of fluff. You know what amazes me the most? People. Everything about all these people around me. Some in real life, some on TV and on all those series and sitcoms I watch. Somehow, their life seems to be all full of drama. How do they have all this drama? Do we really have all this drama to life? Seriously, isn’t it so easy to live? Be happy, smile, be friends, not be rude and most importantly be a nice human being. How difficult is this? I think it’s easy, but what we humans live for is the spice. We don’t want to eat tasteless food now, do we? You’d want it to be right on salt, chilly, pepper and be as spicy as possible. And the spice; which is drama in this case comes into life when you start feeling its bland – tasteless.

I tend to observe people and I manage to not attract their attention somehow. I don’t quite know if this is a good thing, but then people seem to be so oblivious of me being next to them, observing them, looking directly into their eyes, studying them and sometimes even snooping into what they say. Mostly, I wouldn’t make head or tails out of whatever it is that they speak, but I still love eavesdropping; especially if its people I don’t know remotely. Listening in on women chatter is very fruitful I might add, they think they know a lot and they think being a woman is the most difficult thing ever. Sometimes, in some women; I can distinctly smell a sense of superiority a superlative magnetism around them. An aura so strong that it deflects me away from them, just wanting to run away. Cause in my eyes, their reason for existing ends when they radiate the nothing that we all are. We are all nothing without each other. I wonder how it is that people don’t understand our binding. I am bound to the world and thus I’m bound to each and every human being on it. You need me just as much as I need you and there is no running away. But I try running anyway. Speaking of which; the MNS drama which happened recently in Maharashtra. What was that? I mean, what the fuck is he thinking? You think you can drive us away from where we live Mr. Thackeray? That’s our land just as much as its yours and we’ve lived there since times immortal. This is my country and you are a no one. Hear me? You’re a no-one and you’re not telling any one of us about where we can or cannot come! Do whatever the fuck it is that you want. You or your minions don’t scare me. Thats my land and I’m going to stick.

Going back on the drama bit – I thought about dramas and about how weird they are because of a couple of incidents. The first being the part where the drunk wife beater came back and this time he bought along some real nasty men. He nearly broke into the docs house but that’s when the watchman convinced him that there was no one home and it’d be pointless. This time I chose to listen in on the drama from within the safe walls of my room and it still sounded scary. Especially since Chetan scared the shit outta me the other day after knocking on my door and not answering my “Kaun hai?” question. My knees trembled for a full two hours after that. Mostly because of this and partly because I went with the guys for a drive in Ajay’s car when he was kinda high. Drunk people, however sweet they be scare me. Not that they’d physically harm me but you never know what they’d say. They have no emotional control and neither can they control what they think or talk so it kinda gets difficult if something I don’t want to hear falls out and I really did not want that. Somehow, that was wrapped up! Anyway, I thought about how inconsiderate people can be and about how money and power corrupts you and your thought process. This guy sounded like an educated guy with a very potty mouth and that disturbed me a lot. Then again, I was having breakfast at Adigas as usual and I had asked for Onion dosa. This usually takes more time that the rest and I stood by the counter; lost in some sort of a day dream when I noticed someone staring at me. Ever had that feeling where if you try hard enough and stare hard enough at someone even from behind them, they seem to turn back to look back at you? It’s happened to me and sometimes it seems like countless dejavu’s at the same time. It’s an awesome feeling when you get someone to look at you just by staring at them. I try doing this once in a while, but in this case I noticed this girl staring at me and it was not like a “ohh-what-a-hot-guy” stare (I look miserable and fat in my night clothes) and neither was it a “Ewww-ohh-no” look (I don’t deserve that for sure) it was more like the “Hmmm-do-I-know-you?” look and she seemed like someone I know or had seen before. I smiled because it was an awkward deadlock-in-the-eye situation. You know like when you’re staring at some girl’s boobs and she’d notice you? Well, no. Not that situation. You’d usually get the “Fuck you!” look back from her then. This was more the out the blue “do-I-know-you” stares from the both of us and I unknowingly smiled. Common courtesy, nay? She didn’t smile though. She lurked in the distance for a while trying to eat whatever it was that she seemed to be eating. It was more like she was swallowing food to avoid the hassle of chewing it. She had this thin, very frail, almost fragile body structure and was as tall as I am. This part of the story ends here.

The next part is more of a dialogue after I heard my bell ring today afternoon during my after work relaxation hours when I don’t like being disturbed. It’s been Greys Anatomy time for me and I love my time of peace. *Bell rings and I open the door*

Me: (Looking at the same girl, almost with the “what the bleep” look!) Yes?
She: I’m sorry, I wanted to talk to you today morning itself, but you were in a hurry.
Me: Hi, do I know you?
She: Yes, I live two floors above you. We shifted a month back and you might remember us from the truck parked in front of the gate because you created a commotion since you had to leave for work and that truck had our stuff in it.
Me: Ahhh, alright. I remember the mallu uncle. We had a small talk.
She: Yes, that’s my dad and his shirt is in your balcony *sheepish look* and he didn’t want to come talk to you.
Me: Ohh, no problem, let me go get it. I rarely go to the balcony so I wouldn’t have noticed.

I get the shirt, hand it over to her and she leaves after a quick round of profuse thankboration. I was so bored because she thanked me a bit too much. A simple “thanks” would suffice, you know? So my question here is simple, why the drama in this case? Just come over and ask me to get the shirt and I’d do it. What was she thinking? That I’d not return the shirt cause of my history with her dad? History? crap! I just asked him to get the truck outta my way cause I was late to work. Hmm, do I look like spice to you girl? *sigh* Just ask, kapiche? I watched a few movies. Disgifured and Dance of the dead are stuck to my head. I hope the lousy feeling these movies gave me wears out soon. Funny, but I failed an aptitude test this week and I gotta answer a repeat tomorrow. So, I’m thinking on lines of a good nights sleep. Also, I had a chance to write about my favorite character – Barney Stinson. I’m going to end with him –

So say hello to Barney Stinson! The ever so charming, enigmatic, magnetic and still higher on class and style kinda guy who isn’t someone you’d spot on a regular basis. He’s surely not someone you’d find idly squatting flies in a main street coffee bar. He’s the kinda guy you’d find hitting on single twenty-two something chicks but not in some random bar. You’d find him only in McClarens! Ohhh and the part where I spoke about single woman is not entirely true. Any twenty-two year old chick is what he’d want me to write about him. He’s one of the royals, chiefs if you may, of the endearing circle of Caucasian blonde men who can bag a girl by putting her down; sometimes even after calling her a filthy whore and sleeping with her mother. Now, ain’t that legendary? 

Barney
Barney

Barney’s glow is an aura you can feel from a distance. The halo above his head is deadly red. It’s a clear pointer to the fact that within him resides a mythical creature so nasty that it’d devour you but you wouldn’t die. You’d just be reborn with some awesomeness added on. He is advisor to many youngsters who dream of jumping into the invigorating world of promiscuity and binge drinking. The one thing he really hates is marriage and commitment. Don’t marry for as long as you can is what he’d say. If you are feeble and cannot control your disease which limits you to emotional dysentery for a particular girl/boy that’s the only time you may even consider about getting engaged and thereby married, which again is not advisable until you hit the plum age of 30 and this is for men. For women, if you touch 30, you’ve touched your official “Ohh-no!” moment and you’re nothing but garbage. For men, that’s the age where you are at the pinnacle of physical attractiveness. His ideas are revolutionary and they’d not only make you giggle but also excite you beyond your wildest imagination.

Some of his achievements in the areas of being a womanizing dude maestro include but are not limited to the following:
– Discovery of the Vicki Mendonca diagonal formerly known as the hot crazy scale. This means that a girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she’s moving up the hot scale. Simply put if she’s an 8.5 on the crazy scale, she’d need to be a 9+ on the hot ruler. Else, she’s out and you need to throw the hook for fresh fish. If you tend to ignore the scale, you’ll just stink in the end and trust me, this has been proven time and again by Barney.

– Barney, unknown to many is the mystical BRO who wrote the BRO CODE! Bro code is a set of rules for bro’s who hit on women together in random bars or any street that you’d like. Bro’s are governed by these rules and the code is a death line. There are no government laws governing the way in which bro’s function and thus an able man had to step up and write a book of codes. A couple of rules: A bro shall at all cost inform a mutual bro on the occasion of a girl fight and of course the golden rule No sex with a bro’s ex.

Barney usually drops his knowledge about women, sex, money and power to four of his closest friends; Ted, Lily, Marshall and Robin. Most importantly, he isn’t like you and me and that’s precisely why they call him “The Barnicle” he is different because you’d never see him in Shirts, t-shirts or jeans and trousers. Barney dresses like a hunter, a hungry lion and he hunts in suits. He suits up to get laid and he does it in style. Secondly, while guys like you and me would hide our porn, he has them neatly arranged and lit; in red again and he’s proud of his sexuality! After all that we know about him, it’s the usual tendency of people to bend towards sympathizing for all those self-loathing idiotic girls who ever slept with Barney, but the real deal is – he doesn’t hurt anyone. He makes his intensions crystal and that’s not even solid by the way, but the women still seem to get his point. His apartment isn’t a place to leave a toothbrush or lingerie behind and neither should you curl up and sleep more than your usual 12 hour sex visa, 14 if you qualify for multiple entry. Like I said, Barney is a visionary and the lemon laws he makes is going to change the world some day.

Finally, the grey part but the most important reason to Barney’s amazing demeanor is the fact that you’d never get a chance to get him feeling low or sad. His usual take on this is, “When I feel sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead, true story!” This very take on life multiplies his awesomeness and yes, he is a force to reckon with! High five to Bimbo’s, Scotch and suits, or so he’d say.

-Anup

The morning expresso!

Dimmed lights, a miniscule crowd, silence and some guy far away… vigorously tapping on his keyboard; thats morning shift for you. I love this shift and I prefer working early morning than the afternoons. Luckily, I have colleagues who prefer the afternoon shifts because they’d want to sleep late into the morning hours. I’ve been in love with the early morning hours since the time I can remember myself waking up for school. Dad brushing my teeth, telling me how important it is to brush our teeth carefully; sliding the brush from top to bottom than sideways. He’d then carefully use warm water (which mom heated up on the gas) to wash my face and hands. Mom would take on from here and get me dressed and packed up for school. By around 8:15 AM I’d find myself walking to my bus stop where I’d meet my school mates and we’d play football with those small infamous rubber balls which would most usually end with someone getting hurt, but we played anyway. The early morning sun beaming down upon us felt so good then! The only worries being about the test results or probably being beaten up by Rakesh. I wasn’t allowed to have coffee then. I was a kid and add to that I had asthama which dad was meticulously weeding off by means of homeopathy and loads of love and affection. I can still feel his cheeks against mine. That was how he’d measure body temprature. He doesn’t do that anymore… infact, he hardly talks to me and he probably has umpteen reasons to be so very disconnected from him son, pfft, can’t blame him.

Today, I can sip on a cuppa coffee and take a deep breath out there in the sun as it shines down on me glimmering away and flickering sometimes from between the trees that seem to only hide my troubles, pains and sorrows; just when you feel all smothered it’d gently sway away and let a beam pass by. Is this what you call a ray of hope?

Well, I love expresso but I prefer drinking tea at work because I have this thing where tea pwns* coffee (for me) if and when its a question of keeping me awake. Luckily for me, I have Hemant working with me today and thus I get to chat up with him and listen to some music as he goes on blabbering endlessly about information I don’t need. He’d talk about reports that I’m supposed to make but I don’t cause Microsoft excel IMHO, sucks. I hate the bloody software and I hate those stupid reports. What the fuck do they make out of all these reports anyway? Nothing. As far as I’m concerned – Do you have a problem? No? Well, then I’m doing my job right. There is no way to measure what I’m doing cause well, I’m not doing much. But I’m there, you know? Just in case you need me! I’m somewhat like a handgun if  you’re dropping down into a pithole to explore the caves there; you’d rather carry one and brag about it than not carry it and die just in case a monster pops out from nowhere!

I picked up an expresso today, mostly cause I was lost in thought and to think and write truthfully, I was pretty lost for words. Here is when I started about the juncture where I left my last post at. So how exactly do you fill up the void? There is no arguement to the fact that you have a hole, an empty space when you lose someone you love. For some people (like the girl I loved in this case) its easy; filling up the black hole. Infact, they don’t even require time to feel sorrowful about losing something as precious as love. They don’t need to mourn the loss of a friend and companion. All they want to do is to move on. Is it that easy? I’ve tried very hard over the past 9 months to extract myself from the mess I fell into and I have been successful but to a certain extent. She hasn’t fully left me, you know? And strands of her that remains seem like hair in your food. You can remove whats fallen in and continue eating it as if nothing happened, but then it’d be there in the back of your mind about how contaminated your food was. Then there are people like me, who’d stare at the food, get up and leave. Other, more brighter people would just get themselves a fresh serving. The last option is the most difficult one, I feel. Also, after being hurt so bad in love, how do people trust enough to fall in love again? And most importantly, ever so quickly? How do people tend to forget marriages that were broken due to small ego-fights? Relationships these days seem so unreal and fickle. A strong bond seems to be a thing of the past. I hate the fuckin’ move-on generation. To describe my exact feelings, I’d have to use some words by Pink Floyd, but it makes sense. Its a song, but I’m just going to type it down – one sentence. I was spending my time in the doldrums. I was caught in a cauldron of hate. I felt persecuted and paralyzed. I thought everything else would just wait. Its a sad feeling and it takes a lot more than just optimistic thinking to get out of. The answer is pretty simple though. Its going to be like this till the time you find someone to fill the void. The only thing you need to take care of is to not make hasty choices/decisions and try to wait a while. Give yourself a breather and then finally, don’t look for him/her. Let it happen. Hah! arranged marriage in my case, duh!

I’ve been in a state of chagrined discomfort over the past few days and I’m not sure about what actions I’d need to take in order to achieve what I really want or reach up and grab destiny by its throat. The undying problem here is, I have so many options; most of which I cannot relate to, some that I cannot get even though I can, its too much of a pun to explain so lets not go there. A couple which seem like a plausible excuse to my ever-growing reasoning on why I should go back to Pune and then a few others which are still unclear mostly cause the tinker fairies are still working on them. I’d really want to see how things shape up for me. I wish I could time travel and explore every option. Abhi and Muiz confuse me a lot and my love for Bangalore (which I cannot explain) wants me to stick on. The concern is (like I’ve said before) I’ve landed here way too early. I am unable to cope up with a monotonous job and a friendless work life. I’ve had too little and too unreal of those vibrant friendships, romances and everything else. I’d really want to live my age. Currently, I’m like this 30 year old who lives his pointless life encumbered by a thousand woes but still not looking for an answer. All I’m looking for is a passage, an escape route. Frankly, a way back into love.

WD and fuzzy ball.
WD and fuzzy ball.

The garnishing over the afromentioned soul-less dish: I bought a 500 GB Western Digital hard drive and it helps a lot because I have around 200 GB worth movies and porn and I had no place to house them. Now since I have this magical hardware thingy, I can continue raping Airtel. Movies I’ve watched over the past few days – Kidnap, Drona and Hello (Bollywood) A walk in the clouds, Fracture, Stranger than fiction, Tinkerbell, Ghost in the shell and many many more in the angrezi* section. I’m tired now and Hemant is annoying me;/ I might as well upload pictures of my HDD and this soft ball thing which I love kicking around a lot. Maybe later. Peace out.

-Anup

My days out.

I’ve had a cyclone of strings to write about and these have kept me unsure about what to write first. I’d think about what to write and then give up. This usually never happened to me because I’d let my fingers flow; not according to what was on my head but mostly what was in my heart. Precisely like what I told Vijay earlier yesterday when he said that the stuff I wrote hid certain parts of me. I’d beg to differ here though because according to me writing was the only activity that got the best out of me. But then, maybe he’s right. Probably, this hideous behaviour is subconscious. I’m not sure about what I’d need to do to be more crystal and then again, whats the point in me trying to change the way I write? That’d just be someone else looking back and asking a different set of questions.

MM
MM

Coming to what happened last week. It was a festive week since it was Dassera and Radha aunty and family had decided to go on an outing. They were unsure about two spots – Innovative film city or Nandi hills. I suggested Nandi cause I think its a lovely place to be plus I’d wanted to get out of the sultry October heat. The weather in Bangalore is kinda weird these days. It rains when you think its going to shine the rest of the day. It rains along with the heat and I love the rainbows. Kuttapi decided to traumatize us because he coaxed us into going to Innovative since he had feedback that the place rocked. Before I talk about the place, I’d like to warn all those people who have even thought of going there somewhere down the line to consider their idea again because its a bad one. The place is the biggest rip-off I’ve ever seen and it was a complete waste of time, energy and money. We were drained by the time we returned; not cause we enjoyed being there but because me and Ravi Uncle had jointly spent around 3,500 Rs and mostly it was for nothing. Like I said, its rip-off and its one of its kind!

Toon
Toon

 The ripping-off begins from the time you enter the place where the entry fee is Rs 50 per person (seems nominal but ends up being quite a lot if you’re in a gang) from here on every room you enter you’d lose purse-weight, an average of Rs 100 ever time. The machinery and technology used belonged to the neantherthal age and it made me mad when I saw the video game arcade. God damn it! Those were the oldest nintendos I had ever seen and I wondered about what the fuck it was that they thought when they decided to get these old age things out for sale. The sad yet funny part of this story though was that they were making a lot of money out of it. People made beelines to all of these rooms which displayed a variety of things, or so to say a charade of lies. There was nothing worthwile inside any of these rooms. Tussads wax museum – huh, what in the name of god was that? I laughed my ass out at some of the statues. Ripleys; we didn’t even bother going in and so did we ignore the dinosaur enclave. The only tolerable part was where we watched the 4D movie and even though it was kinda stone age it still made me giggle. Then the food court, the mind blowing display of foodelicious delights or so they said it was. This was the most miserable place to eat cause it all tasted and smelt like chicken and we were veggies. I ate what I bought but then trust me, the food was distasteful and I had to eat two icecreams after; just to make the taste go away. The mirror maze was another rip-off because they had one of their men inside who used to show us the way; just so that people don’t spend more than 10 minutes inside. This was ironic cause whats the point of a labyrinth when you’d have directions written all over it? The mini-golf was a rip-off from far far away and thus we never ventured in that direction. I laughed my ass out when I reached the so called state of the art go-karting track cause it was a small roadline with weird small cars nearly screeching as they ran with families loaded onto it. And they call this go-karting; way to go, losers! Here on we did not feel like spending a dime more and decided to take off. This left Kuttapi in a fix though because he wanted to go take a dip in the wave pool but it was expensive business. His dad asked him to go take a shower when we reached home. That was funny. Kuttapi wasn’t grumpy though, he just cursed the place along with me. We clicked some pictures to remind ourselves of how much the place sucked and ran for our lives.

F1
F1

Now its not like I love go-karting but the tracks on mysore road called Grips was a lot more fun than this could ever be. I didn’t quite enjoy it as much as the F1 champs Ajay and Rispi neither was I gleefully excited like Chetan was but I was happy to be amongst them and go for a joyride in the small car. I mean, I don’t see the point – why drive a small car when I can roar on an 87 BHP Maruti Swift? Its stupid I thought. Also, go-karting is expensive leisure just as well. Anyhow, the point here is that Innovative film city courtesy Jai (I’m going to kill you when I meet you) and Kuttapi turned to be one of my worst nightmares and these rippers must close it down till the time they complete the work there at least and even after that if they’d really wanna run the place they’d need to build on what they have. Alright, I’m done with my rambling. The thought on my mind right now is – How do we fill the void of someone we loved a lot and lost in the end? Especially when we know that our loss means nothing to them? Grrr, why is it that one glimpse of an old love causes a nostalgic whirlwind which would drown us almost always? How do I get OUT of this once and for all?

-Anup

Hypocrites and wife-beaters.

I’ve been disturbed since yesterday mostly because I witnessed and had to actively participate in a family debacle which so messy that it took away my sleep. I was working yesterday, the W2 shift, which like I’ve explained; demands me to be online and available, ready for work from 6PM to 6AM. Yes, a full 12 hr shift. Its not as excrutiating as it sounds though cause all we need to do is keep ourselves available. The chance of real work coming your way is slim. So yes, you can watch tv, play games, listen to music, go out and do all your regular stuff. The only thing you need to take care of is the part where you’d keep yourself free off any other commitments. Which as per me is easy cause I am not committed to anything else these days and thats not a funny story. Quite a tragedy I tell you and yes, I’m going to make a novel out of it – For love and friendship.

Around 2AM I heard someone pounding away on my neighbours door. He was yelling in an extremely annoying high pitch voice demanding “him” to let “her” out and that kinda bought a lot of stories to my head (mostly the masaledaar bollywood types where the husband caught his wife sleeping around) and this was intriguing. So I tip-toed to my door and started peeking out of the eye-hole hoping to catch a glimpse of the drama and probably watch a fist fight and/or some blood (evil, I know!) but what I heard after that was horrifying.

“You get out of here now or else I’ll call the cops!” this was a mans voice and he sounded serious about what he said. The guy outside seemed unperturbed. He pounded some more before he said, “I’m going to kill you’ll! You can’t do this to me you just wait” and I could hear him running down the stairs. This was followed by a scuffle between him and our security guys. He then ran back up and continued pounding. By this time the entire building was up and I saw my neighbour (the one to my right) open his door and walk out. This gave me the courage I needed and I stepped out too. The guy looked at us and he said, “Its my wife inside!” he was piss drunk and was falling all over the place. My neighbour (lets call him Tom since I don’t know his name) he stood where he was and began talking, “You must leave now, its 2AM and there are other people here, please solve your family matters in the morning, this isn’t the time!” for which a woman from inside the house yelled, “Get out of here, you nearly killed me yeterday, I am scared of you and I will not come!” to which he banged the door some more. The security guys in the meanwhile called the landlord who asked them to sort it out by talks else he’d get his men (this was told to us later) They began dragging him away when he began falling and he tried to catch hold of something. Instead, he ended up pushing Tom who fell down the stairs and I guess he hurt himself cause he was furious. He ran up and began thrashing the drunk dude. The security guys also joined the action and I started yelling from where I stood. I asked them to stop it in English and Hindi but that didn’t deter Tom or the security guys, they beat him up and dragged him to the gate. He wailed on, “Blurrrrrrrr, you guys don’t know who I am… I am the manager of a software company… you guys are dead, brrrrrrr” they managed get him out of the gate. He cursed on for 20 odd minutes and thats when he heard the whistles of the Cheetah police patrolling the area. He quickly got into his car and drove away. I stood there for a while thinking about how drunkards knew when they heard the cops. A human brain is wonderful. It knows when its body is in trouble. I was down with Tom and the security guys by then and thats when I noticed that he looked like a decent guy. Plus, he had come over in a Cielo. Weird I thought to myself as I climbed back to my place.

This is when they (the neighbours who were the victims) opened the door and asked me if he had left. I nodded and asked them about what the hell was going on. The guy then went on to explain that it was his sister who was married to this guy and the guy had been thrashing her up over the past few months. Yesterday he nearly killed her and she had run away and come here. She was standing behind him and she looked really shaken up. Her eyes all swollen up and she looked shit scared by whatever was going on around her. I also got to know that it hadn’t been long since they had been married and the guy was addicted to dope and alcohol. They were leaving for their native place the next day and had hoped that he’d not create such a mess. I assured them and said that it was ok. Our landlord Mr. Reddy is a big man and he will make arrangements upto the next day. I suggested that they raise an FIR against this guy and they must try and avail a court order restricting this guy within a 10 mile radius of the woman. He was enraged and people can do wild things they they get mad! They packed up and left today. I hope they manage to get themselves out of this soup. Duh! Just when you thought that the modern world had a bright side to it, people like this come along. Assholes like him must curl up and die and I mean this.

I met Ajay today who went on to show me the stuff he bought from Singapore. Could have at least got us some chocolates you ass! He very proudly went on to tell me the story of how he sent all the awesome chocolates home. Got shame? Pig! We had dinner together at Randezvous and I liked the food there. After this and during the whole time we walked and ate, we discussed about how much our lives sucked. Well, he felt its exaggerated effects since he just returned from an awesome vacation. I feel alright though cause really, I’m alright. But then, depression is contagious and I’m trying to keep myself happy. Somehow. I returned home and logged on to gtalk. Here I found some hypocrites. Tell me this – Would you be online if you’re busy? Seriously? No. You wouldn’t. I’m not sure why people try to radiate their so called “busyness” good that you’re busy, but then why are you online? I mean, Fuck off! The following is so true:

To martyr yourself to caution is not gonna help at all; cause there’ll be no safety in numbers when the right one walks out of the door – Pink Floyd.

My desk
My desk

Thats my desktop and its been like that for a while. I can’t stop being in love with Yagami Light! Simply put, he’s awesome.

-Anup

The castaway car.

So I got lost and it was scary cause I had no clue of where I was and I was desperate to reach home but then I was too high on myself to call up and ask for help. I then proceeded to roam around the city at 12:30 AM clueless about where I was and the road to my home seemed to be lost unto oblivion. It was weird of me though that I kept the music loud and kept on driving. Going back to the whole situation, it would have turned murky weren’t it for some good people out for sehri and other reasons since it was Eid. There were quite a few muslim people out on the streets; either returning from the mosque or on their way. Luckily for me, there weren’t any communal riots going on and I managed to talk to a couple of people who helped me out. I drove all around Bangalore, I feel. Eid Mubarak to those two good people who helped me. Eid Mubarak Shags, Muiz and Shaista and all those people celebrating the auspicious day.

I had been to a friends party which was a dinner thing and thus it began at around 9ish or so to say it never began cause people were sober then. They were just about getting on the higher, more funnier side when I had to leave and I feel sorry for myself that I had to come home and work. The thing here is, this post is a follow up to the post ‘meeting strangers’. Here in this case, I thought it’d be difficult for me to survive at a place where I wouldn’t know any of the people coming over and I pondered for a long time about how I’d be able to communicate to a bunch of people I did not know. Funny that? No. It was horrifying! I was worried thoughout the time I drove to her place and up unto the time the door bell rang, from there on it was easy and time just flew by! Most importantly because I found a mallu guy who decided to do the funny talk and also happened to be kind enough to include me in almost all of his discussions. I just sat there and heard him out… ohh and I did have my share of time checking out all the pretty ladies that poured in. The host was gracious enough to admit that she didn’t know all the people who had come over. It was fun, nice people and they weren’t as drunk as I thought they’d be. Or well, I guess they probably did after I left, maybe. Mallu’s bond quickly and I sat speaking to all the mallu’s I could gather.

The thing here was I got to her house easily because she had drawn up a pretty decent map from Cunningham road to her place and I managed to reach there without missing a turn. While returning though, I was lost in thought and spaced out completely. I thought I could take on the roads and karma came in to punish me. I had the map, but I didn’t bother looking at it. Took me more than an hour of driving around Frazer town to finally hit M.G road and from there on it was easy – Koramangala and my place, Arekere which according to most people is the end of the world. Phew, you guys don’t know how affordably good my place is. Now thats not an adjective everyone can use, you know? I managed to reach home and for the first few minutes I was thinking out loud – am I really home? Wow, where was I? Sometimes, these parts of the town which are as close as a few miles away might seem so very alien to you. Upon returning home, you’d feel misplaced or still lost even, funny feeling that! Anyway, thanks R for the invite. It was an awesome party! Its ok that I got lost. I’m sure I can find my way around the next time *winks*

Ramble on...
Tired and sleepy...

Its been a rather sad day after that – Airtel calling me up to know if I wanted more post paid connections; I mean, why would I need more post-paid connections when they’re calling on my post paid number? Some guy from HDFC called to verify if I still want the loan and I was too sleepy to answer so I hung up and tried to sleep. Thats when the HDFC girl called up again and began tweeting, “Sorry sir, we couldn’t get your statement from Citibank; all the banks are closed, you know na?” and me; unsure about whats going on and extremely sleepy, barked out, “So what do you want me to do ma’am?” “No no sir… I just wanted to tell you that we are still awaiting your phone bills from your fathers landline number” she squeaks this time! I heave a sigh and I guess it was good enough to give her the hint that I was mad. She hung up quickly after apologizing. I was trying to get some sleep after a hard nights work, woman! I couldn’t sleep after that. Her voice kept echoing in my head. I’ve been here in front of this box ever since. I need sleep – so so desperately!

-Anup

The waiting place…

Population outburst, unruly and uneducated people, educated scmucks, morally impaired, outright stupid – some of the many reasons for the unending waits we have to endure as part of the mob. The mob who lives in a world thats crumbling under the weight of the ever increasing ignorance in people about their pointless existence. They seem to be oblivious about the fact that its they themselves who cause ‘the waiting’ A quick one on this –

And grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
Headed I fear, towards a most useless place.
The waiting place…
For people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
Or a bus to come, or a plane to go.
Or the mail to come, or the rain to go
Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
A high-school yearbook. An old photo album. A teddy bear.
A snow-globe. A well-worn book by Dr. Seuss.
Or waiting around for a yes or a no
Or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
Or waiting for wind to fly a kite
Or waiting around for Friday night
Or waiting perhaps for their uncle jake
Or a pot to boil, or a better break
Or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
Or a wig with curls…
Or another chance.

I’m tired of waiting. I know that I’m part of the mob and there’s little that I can do to decrease the amount of time spent on waiting for things you want. The queue is never ending and I spend loads of time just waiting in queue. The queue at the Airtel bill payment counter which is incapable of managing the crowd even with 5 queues going. The queue at Adigas, the food joint where they serve cheap but good food. The wait at restraunts where people seem to eat on forever. The wait at the parking lot where you’d consider yourself to be lucky to park at the rate of Rs 30 an hour (outfuckinrageous). The wait at the parlour or the saloon even! Its funny that I have to wait anywhere and everywhere I go. Who are all these people I wonder? Why are they out? Where do ALL these people come from? What the bleep do they want? Why are they out when I’m out? God damn these crowds!! Stop touching me you pig… duh! People all over me. Crowds annoy me and unruly people get on my nerves. But the wait goes on…

This outburst is after some random guy decided to throw sambar all over me and had the audacity to ask me to pay up for his loss in food! I gave him a piece of my mind which he probably did not understand. He then went on to make a funny face, talk some eblish in broken hindi and cursy kannada. We stared at each other for a while. He wondering about who’d pay for his idli-sambar now and me thinking about who’d wash my shirt? You can’t blame anyone for anything that happens these days. Unavoidable people, I tell you. I was there for him and he was there for me. We were so unavoidable to each other. Bumping into each other for no reason. Blame the crowd. The wait at Adigas has always puzzled me. The food is alright and that too at a modest price range, but then, why don’t all these people eat at home? I mean, I see entire families standing and eating away. Laughing away to glory, unperturbed by the fact that they are in the midst of such a lot of commotion. I understand if the bachelors hang out at the place for food and more, but whats up with all these ladies? Or whats up with their men? Don’t you’ll ever cook at home? I see the same faces everyday. It just worries me! Good old times when mom cooked food and what she cooked seemed to be the only thing I could ever like. These new age mothers feeding their babies idli-sambar which some guy cooked in some unhygenic kitchen. For the love of god, whats wrong with you’ll?  Anyway, the man went on buy more idli sambar for himself and I walked out thus missing breakfast, yet again.

The wait for getting a loan sanctioned is killing me from another end with the HDFC chicks sucking the very life out of me with their stupid ass questions. “So sir are you married?” “No” I say candidly. She goes onto ask a few more questions about my family and friends not trying to hide her awe when I say that I’m new to Bangalore. “So you know kannada ha?” she asks and I curse my fate. “Gothilla ma’am” and she giggles. She goes on, “Sir are you single?” here I get brain fucked and I ask her what she wants! She goes on to say, “Sir you want this loan no? Please answer my questions” and I go @$@$%$#%!#@##$@#$ Some more annoying questions later she puts her boss on the phone who asks me the same annoying questions again this time he adds on to say, “Sorry sir, these days they don’t give loan unless your father agrees to it! They don’t agree even if you have a wife. They don’t trust wives… you know with all the divorces in Bangalore!” and I’m thinking… ‘Man, what the hell’s going on? So now what? You’re a relationship councellor?” He giggles some and tries to confirm my mothers maiden name. This interrogation continus for another 20 gruelling minutes before which he seems to point to me that I can get more loan than what I’ve opted for and how I’m making an incorrect decision. I’ve never felt this smothered. The torture along with the wait has fuelled my rage and I’m going to stop running after any of these imbeciles. I’m tired of the waiting…

-Anup