What did I miss?

By | July 22, 2008
Yagami light

Can't stop thinking...

 The last few days sped through and I’ve been in a state of idiosyncratic bliss. I’ve been thoughtful and I mostly thought about unnecassary crap. I don’t quite like my affinity to pain and suffering. Somehow, even though I know that I need to get out of the abstract pit of sorrow and troubles that I’ve dug myself into; I just keep digging deeper instead of trying to crawl out. I did try a lot but like I said, I somehow prefer to delve in my self proclaimed fate. Picture a post apocalyptic wasteland where its dead and burning all around you and all you see; to the furthest you can, to event horizon, is nothing but sand. Deserts and more deserts. You wish for a mirage, but even that isn’t coming. You can smell water but each and everytime it turns out to be a desire so strong that it creates illusions you want to believe but something that isn’t true. A desire to be loved, people around you chirping away happily, people who know you and people who don’t co-existing in perfect harmony. Thats what matters, isn’t it? You don’t want to be known by everyone walking on the street. Most of us would want to be known within a small set of people and be loved and considered important. Uhm, well, thats all that I wish for. I have this gut feeling though; a feeling that my best time is over.

Coming back to what really happened over the last few weeks – I had been to Pune for around 5 days. Somewhere right after my birthday. I guess I did talk about it in one of the posts right after my birthday. I was happy on the day I posted that. Mostly because I sang Epiphany infront of a crowd and because almost all the people I considered important wished me on my 25th birthday. Sanket forgot to wish me and a few days later he seemed to humble himself by acknowledging that he had been forgetful and caught up with a lot of work, apparently. In this busy-ness of his he forgot to wish Mank, Abhi, me and even Paresh; his best friend. Well, seriously, I know – women can do this to you. You end up losing up on people who are on your side and who are your friends. People you should care about. But then, who am I to talk about something like this. I’d be a stupid hypocrite if I preach against something I already did, so I’m going to shut up. So, well, I went to Pune on the 5th and I had an awesome time there.

The best part was meeting the new DS batch on the floor. The group of guys I met were part of Abhi’s and Augie’s batch. Augie was super delighted with his career I guess and thats why he ended up giving a treat worth 10 grands. Yes, thats right, 10 fucking thousand. I was aghast at the bill, but then the place was worth it. We had been to this place called Mezza9. Its somewhat like Mini Punjab, but its not a dhaba and this place had class. We sat at this cool downtrodden table with all the chairs we needed and it was real comfy. The lights were perfect and the music sucked. Ahhh, that was expected. The place couldn’t have been perfect, could it? We also had Brian with us. It was good meeting him and talking to him about whats changed in DS/EPS/CVG and he seemed to listen to what I and the others had to say patiently. I’m not sure about what changes he’d be able to bring about, but it felt good when he heard us out. Us included me, Ashwin, Kamal and Ashish. These guys  are the next in line for promotions and all that kinda shit. A bunch of really intelligent guys I’d say. We discussed about the new age politics in the company and about the pathetic set of promotions that had been made based on seniority rather than class, intelligence and grace. It was a silly discussion which later got boring cause Ashwin got high and then sentimental! The whole thing was fun while it lasted.

I then sat down with the new guys to introduce myself to them and thats when I realized that they knew me pretty well. I guess they had heard some stuff about me from Abhi, Augie and the rest. Good things from these guys and I’m sure they must have heard about the nasty stuff from the others. I sure had some fan following in CVG. The fans who carried a negative vibe. These guys were awesome though and they were nothing but fun. I’m not going into names, but this one name I have to mention cause he was practically ripped apart by the rest of his team. This is none other than the 21 year old kid. The glorious flirty mallu – Anoop. Man! He was raped. He took nothing to his heart though and it was all in fun. I enjoyed myself thoroughly and like I told Abhi – thats precisely when I knew why he did not miss us after we left and after the so called gang broke up. He had new people. Guess thats precisely why he wasn’t too keen on coming to Bangalore as mentioned in my testimonial on orkut. I wouldn’t blame him though. Who’d want to leave their hometown and all these good friends for one rather fucked up guy like me? I was never around when I had a girl friend and now I expected him to be around all the time. I’m happy that he decided to stay. At least he has a life now. So, thats that. We ended the treat with a good bye speech by yours truly and I hope it inspired the guys. Thanks for the treat Augie! You rocked while you were there.

I then met Smikh the next day and we saw the movie Jaane tu and I got to spend some quality time with her. Talking about stuff that the both of us liked immensely – people. We gossipped a lot and exchanged gifts. Its her birthday on the 3rd of August and its a special day, you know? Her birthday falls right on friendships day. Ain’t that cool? I had to ask her to keep her hands off the gift before the 3rd. I got gifted with a stunner gift. A philips gogear mp3 player and yeah, it totally rocks. With all the power cuts that Bangalore has, its a life saver for me now. So, yeah that was it. We watched a movie, had tea, malled around a bit and I bade her farewell. It was after this when we had a small incident that I’d rather not talk about, but then, it was weird overall. Somehow, my fault too I must say. I shouldn’t have put Smikh in a picky spot. Sorry for the trouble girly!

I met Muiz and Shaista after this at McDonalds. Here I had another shocker. Muiz switched jobs. He fucking moved to Wipro and guess what? He says he never had time to inform me about him changing jobs. Can you believe that? Seriously? Is there an excuse for not telling me that he had a different job now? He defended himself very callously. Oblivious to the fact that he was being as ignorant as a girl. Anyway, his insensitivity has always astounded me. A cancerian and a 3rd of July born guy like me, but when it comes to feelings, emotions and the taste of food, we are miles apart. He is very different. He actually did not tell me about such a huge career move? Man, I felt like the smallest person in the world when that happened. I have very few friends to begin with and when those few friends treat me like shit, I just suffocate in pity for myself. I mean, whats wrong with people? I consider these to be very important people. I wonder why they’d not treat me right. I don’t ask for them to treat me as friend, but at least as someone who has spend loads of time with them. Hmmm, sigh – I wonder whats wrong with people these days. I would like to second my hypothesis here. There is no love. Friendship is bullshit.

The next day I met Nishant and Unni, my friends from school and we spoke a lot. Career and other things. It felt good talking to the guys. I then attended Nikhils engagement and met a few people I liked a few who I did not. The engagement went well and I got to spend some more quality time with Abhi, Muiz and Bhabhi. After all of this I got to meet Sanket and we kicked his ass for no reason. He knew that I was in town but never bothered to call me. But then here’s the catch – who even fucking cares? I got to meet him and thats what counts. I’m not going to run after people but I’d certainly love to meet them. I met Annie and her mom the next day and we spoke for a while. I then spend the rest of my time amongst family and returned to Bangalore on the 9th. Thats how it ended. During Nikhil’s engagement Abhi gave us some good news. One, he is getting engaged and thats scheduled for the 28th of this month, WOW! Awesomeness and total PWNage. The guy needed a companion desperately. He cannot be alone for gaps in time, you know? He needs people around all the time and this was the coolest thing for him to do. I’m so happy for him. Also, he is getting to go onsite – Copenhagen, Denmark. Ain’t that awesomer? So thats double treat Abhi! I’m going to Pune for his engagement and I just can’t wait. I’ll miss you – the architect, the creator of the Matrix. The guy who decides your fate. Well, thats just about it. I’m tired and I need to hit the gym. PeaceLoveEmpathy,

-Anup

Category: Me

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